Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Rural living

Looking to relocate to the countryside? Find advice in our Rural Living forum.

Rural living with teenagers

117 replies

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 25/07/2020 09:03

Hi we have recently, finally sold our house. We've moved to a new area, near family and are renting while we search for our forever home.

A beautiful house has come up locally that was available last year but we were not in the position to buy. It's a semi on a country road. Big plot gorgeous gardens and overlooks miles of fields. It's a 3 minute drive into the nearest town with a railway line and a 3 minute drive to a shopping centre in the opposite direction. Is it a no brainer or do you think our teenagers will hate it. They don't go out much other than to walk the dog. They are always on their games consoles. We have two younger boys as well who attend lots of clubs but I tend to drive them anyway.

OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 25/07/2020 15:05

Before you do anything else, ask your DH to drop you and the teens at the railway station and then all walk to the house. He can have a quick coffee then pick you up there! You can only really tell what a journey is like once you have done it on foot.

Hedgesfullofbirds · 25/07/2020 15:10

No, @sageandroses, with the exception of bookshops, museums and historic buildings, none of the other things you mention are a part of my lifestyle - my nearest town has all of these things too, but they are not neccessary for my enjoyment of life - as I said, it is what one is used to.

Hedgesfullofbirds · 25/07/2020 15:13

Anyhow, this is off at a tangent from the OP's original thread so I will comment no further!

Danetobe · 25/07/2020 15:14

I’d hate living in the countryside when I was a teenager. Some of my friends did and I didn’t envy them. Farming is quite industrial and living rurally does not equate to living ‘in nature’ or being connected to the origin of your food necessarily. There are lots of ways to connect to nature and the seasons in lots of settings. I think it depends on circumstances whether it’s a good life. In this case, it doesn’t seem extremely rural. 3 mins in not far. I’d consider it, but try the walk from the amenities to the house and be prepared to drive your kids a lot.

sageandroses · 25/07/2020 15:14

Yes @Hedgesfullofbirds but the discussion is about teenagers living rurally without access to these things. Those things are part of most teenagers' lifestyles!

InTheWings · 25/07/2020 15:21

I absolutely love the outdoors and countryside.
So do my teens. We camp and hike and they can identify any bird of prey from silhouette etc etc.

Growing up in a farming community is one thing. As it happened I first learned to drive in a tractor. Great fir those who have ponies to ride to friends. My nieces and nephews live rurally but not now in farms. They are not learning farming skills, they can’t get anywhere. Cycling on lanes round there is a fucking nightmare, not least because lack of public transport means that every 17 yo in a suped up banger, every much older person who really should have given up their licence years ago and every person driving home from the pub with 3 pints (and counting) are all on the windy roads with high hedges and no verges.

All people are saying is that social life for teens is of prime importance. Move away from urban but choose carefully wrt access to public transport, walkable distances or safe cycling routes.

Moonflower12 · 25/07/2020 15:23

@Hedgesfullofbirds

You described my early childhood and my DD's now reality. We live 3 minutes drive from a village train station that is 1/2 an hour walk with no paths but verges.

DD is always excited by the wildlife around us as her friends and her older siblings. We have deer-3 kinds and fox cubs at present, within view today.

GhettoDefendant · 25/07/2020 15:27

I lived in the countryside as a kid and moaned about it to my parents a fair bit, but I wasn't miserable or anything! Teenagers just like moaning, don't they? Looking back, I don't feel upset that I lived where I did.

We were about 7-8 minutes drive from the nearest village with a train station that took us into town. So my parents ferried me and my siblings back and forth to there a LOT I guess. All my friends lived in the surrounding villages so we'd all meet up at one the villages with a station and go into town together. Wasn't a big deal.

InTheWings · 25/07/2020 15:32

Wasn't a big deal
Not for you, being ferried, no Grin

People need to know that for the adults doing the ferrying it may it may not be a big deal.

steppemum · 25/07/2020 15:33

when my kids were small we lived in a village, we were renting.

I knew the village well, my parents moved there when i was 18, we rented near them for a couple of years.

Then we bought, and we both said we would not buy in a village.

My reasons:
I was already the taxi driver for everythign from needing a pint of milk after 5 pm to scouts and dance class.
School was very small, and not enough choice of other kids to be friends with (I could write pages on this...)
Very little going on in the village for us, we had to drive for everything (no pub in our village)
No public transport, which meant that kids as teens couldn't go anywhere, and we couldn't get back from anywhere after a drink, and if one was away with car, we were stuck
Choice of 1 secondary which had a school bus.
20 minute drive to nearest town on a road that was nut cyclable at all.

So, we decided, we needed the opposite of those things. There were larger and better equiped villages that might have done it. We ended up on the edge of a large town. Kids now teens and it all works well.

My parents had friends in the village with teens and there was a big drug problem amongst the rural teens. One of those small rural statistics that goes under reported.

So, I think it is possible, but I think you must be realistic. You will be driving at all hours for all sorts of things.
You need to plan well, eg don't run out of milk
You need to accept that you will never go to a party and both drink

I loved being in the countryside, (and had grown up in it) but it wans't enough to compensate for the hassle.

Where we are now I am also able to walk into beautiful country, so we have the best of both worlds

FlamingoAndJohn · 25/07/2020 15:33

I grew up in the arse end of nowhere. As a small child it was amazing. As a teen I hated it, but all my friends were in the same boat. The nearest town was 20 minutes away but that had nothing for a teen, no nightclubs, not many shops.

A 3 minute drive or 30 minute walk is about a mile. That isn’t really rural.
If you are only that short distance out of the town I’d check what the traffic is like. I wonder how many commuters you will get driving past.

Fanthorpe · 25/07/2020 15:34

We moved from a town to the middle of fucking nowhere when I was almost 16. There were no other young people for miles and my parents didn’t give lifts. I went to sixth form fifteen miles away so couldn’t meet up in the evenings without staying over with someone, so not ideal.

I love the countryside, but it’s not great if you’re not part of a local community. I hung around the pub a bit eventually with some older people but I was out of my depth really.

I did get jobs locally, cleaning, petrol station. It was an incredibly lonely time of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

fedupandlookingforchange · 25/07/2020 15:36

I grew up in a very isolated rural area as did DH. My brother has moved as quickly as he can back to a rural house, DH and I will within the next year. Parents give lifts, friends stay over, we did all have or are able to ride ponies and DB and DH both passed their driving tests as soon as they turned 17.
It depends how everyone on the family wants to spend their time.

Sailfin · 25/07/2020 15:37

I loved my rural home until I got my teens.

My parents were strict and I didn't go out much as they refused to give me lifts. I spent way too much time on my own when not at school and I found it depressing.

I was about 20 minutes drive from the nearest town.

If you are willing to give lifts and let your kids have a decent amount of freedom, I don't see the problem. Thirty minutes walk is reasonable.

DeathOrGlory · 25/07/2020 15:40

Not for you, being ferried, no

People need to know that for the adults doing the ferrying it may it may not be a big deal

That's why I mentioned it. Because OP should really keep that in mind. I now live in a similarly semi-rural location and have young children, and when we moved here we did so in the knowledge that we will likely have to drive the kids around a lot when they're older. I think that's only fair.

mumonthehill · 25/07/2020 15:40

3 minute drive to a station is not really rural living, we are 15 minutes to nearest small shop and 30 minutes to supermarkets. 2 teenagers and they often stay over at friends in town if they want to stay out or get a lift back with a friend, they all take it in turns to drive. All teenagers pass their tests as soon as they can so they get freedom! We all love living in the countryside, but it is a different life for teenagers and you do need to help them get about.

DeathOrGlory · 25/07/2020 15:40

Also when we were older we cycled to the station a fair bit. A 30-minute walk is probably only a 10-minute bikeride away.

witchofthenorth · 25/07/2020 15:44

@Hedgesfullofbirds

Oh Lord, here we go again, urbancentric Mumsnet throws up its hands in horror at the mere thought of living anywhere but in a town or city, surrounded by traffic noise, pollution, concrete, buildings and the ubiquitous 'must haves' of gyms, bars, restaurants, coffee shops and retail outlets. No wonder so few people these days can correctly identify the commonest tree, bird, wild flower or insect. And want to destroy them all, rather than learn to love and enjoy them. And the massive disconnect with farming, food production, knowing what seasonal agricultural operations and equipment are for, the rhythm of the seasons, failing to understand the value of precious life giving rain are all symptomatic of a virtual, sanitised world where an ability to shop 24 hours a day is paramount to one's enjoyment of life.

There is nothing wrong with rural living, it just requires a little adjustment for those who are not brought up in such an environment, and a little preplanning in respect of keeping a ready stock of consumables, for emergencies. There is plenty to keep one occupied and stimulated, more so, in my view, than in a town where there is little to do but trudge the streets from one shop to another! And, let's face it, most country towns have all the facilities one needs, even down to theatres, cinemas and museums ( they are not exclusive to London or other large cities), and readily accessible. We were given appendages, known as legs, which, strangely enough, are useful for propelling oneself about, either on foot or via the pedals of a bicycle, not to depress the pedals of a car! Sad really, that life has become all about the movement from one hermetically sealed static brick built box to another tin one on wheels! Yes, I concede that a car is a neccessity for rural living, given the paucity of public transport and you will, in all probability, be a taxi for your children from time to time, but surely a small price to pay for your children to grow up in a natural environment, far safer than in a town, fresh air, less light pollution, the natural sounds of cattle lowing, sheep bleating, owls at night, birdsong by day. Lie in bed at night, windows open, curtains pulled aside, watch the moon's transit across the sky - all things which are difficult to fully experience in a town.

But, living rurally, is the opportunity to engage more fully with the natural world, your children will learn, hopefully, an appreciation for all the wonderful creatures which inhabit it, the chance to learn about growing food, keeping livestock, learning how to create their own educational fun and, it is not like living on another planet, so cultural activities and leisure pursuits are within easy reach.

I was brought up in a very isolated environment - there was not even any vehicle access, one had to walk half a mile alongside a river to get to the house, everything from shopping to feed for our livestock had to be transported in a wheelbarrow. But my siblings and I loved it, helping my dad creosote his chicken sheds, helping with the bees, learning how to milk mum's goats, shear the sheep, grow vegetables, make jam, cottage cheese, wine etc - wonderful. But we still went out and did cultural things, my love of history partly stems from visiting museums and other attractions. Rural living is not primitive, uncivilised or a fate worse than death.

Go for it OP, say I, go for it, although I suspect that I am in the minority.

This absolutely!! We live rurally now after living in cities. My oldest two were pre teens before we moved here and I couldn't go back to large towns or cities. Yes I am the taxi driver and my children are reliant on me to take them anywhere but I don't worry so much about gangs, violence, falling in with the wrong crowd.

It does give them independence, a different view on how things work, a love of nature and a knowledge of nature that they wouldn't get in a city. Even the smallest things like being able to see the stars without light pollution amazes them. I would do it OP.

steppemum · 25/07/2020 15:47

My mum always said that rural living is idyllic if you are wealthy, but a different story entirely it you're poor. Don't know if it's true but I've never forgotten it.

very true.
buses are expensive, taxis ridiculously so, you cna't walk anywhere, too far, village shops are pricey.
Fine of you have horses and money etc, not fine if money is tight and one car.

DeathOrGlory · 25/07/2020 15:48

Yes I am the taxi driver and my children are reliant on me to take them anywhere but I don't worry so much about gangs, violence, falling in with the wrong crowd

I lived in small village and went to school in a nearby slightly-larger village, and my cousins who lived in large city would always tell us about the things that went on at their school. I used to feel embarrassed at how sheltered we were when they talked about drugs, physical fights and bullying, etc. Now I just feel happy none of that stuff happened at my school. I would definitely rather my kids had a 'sheltered' childhood like mine tbh.

Sailfin · 25/07/2020 15:49

The benefits I enjoyed from rural life were -

A massive garden that was basically a wood with a stream running through. Great for camping and I kept goats which was great fun.

We were near the sea.

Fresh air.

The disadvantages were that we were surrounded by farm land and that meant noisy tractors, smells from muck spreading and stubble burning. Crop spraying was horrible.

The people were not friendly to us, even though we weren't incomers.

The shops in nearby villages were expensive, poorly stocked and often closed early.

I relied on lifts, as a teen. Public transport was ok, but bus drives were slow and the journeys were long.

The roads were narrow, winding, full of hills and blind corners. Traffic accidents were common. My school bus ended up in a ditch and we were nearly seriously injured.

Going anywhere on holiday was a palaver, involving long journeys to and from airports and our nearest airport didn't have many direct flights.

I have lived in cities and towns ever since and my teens love the independence.

Fanthorpe · 25/07/2020 15:51

Rural poverty and drug use and alcohol among teenagers are definitely an issue. It’s not all an idyll by any means.

steppemum · 25/07/2020 15:54

Can I just also point out that rural and urban are not the only options here?
eg
rural isolated house
small village /hamlet with few facilities
larger village bus stop and shop
big village/small town with the local secondary school fed into from other villages
large town with station, leisure centre
big town, high population but not a city and no inner city areas
city eg London, Birmingham, Manchester, Glasgow.

We live in a large town.
Many urban problems don't exist here. But we do have facilities, a station and transport. We also have achoice of schools, cycle paths and nature reserves. 5 minutes into centre of town. 5 minutes into open country.

Andi2020 · 25/07/2020 15:57

Ask your kids for their input.
Will they be staying at same school as they are now.
We live 3 miles from town 10 minutes in car and I will be honest it is annoying been a taxi if you have to drop them off go home again and then go back and collect.
But I still wouldn't change where I live to be nearer. I like the country if my kids prefer town they can buy house in town when they are at that stage.
The good thing about the drive is they are out off the bedroom and chat in car.

okiedokieme · 25/07/2020 15:58

I've done both and hated the village life. My kids actually thanked me for being in the city. However 3 mins drive is nothing, but on their bikes is it safe to cycle to the station and how often are trains? And crucially what's the broadband speed and how good is mobile phone reception!!!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread