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Original poster

Would you date a guy who has been divorced twice before age 40?

144 replies

Cocolas · 12/08/2023 14:46

That’s quite a lot of marriages to get through before middle age? Or am I being judgemental?

OP posts:
Maireas · 12/08/2023 16:26

Blossomtoes · 12/08/2023 16:23

The common denominator in mine was me. I married the first far too young (18) and the second fucked off and left me for someone else after six months. How would you judge me?

Show quote history

You married at 18? Why was that?
Not a criticism, a genuine question.

Onceuponaheartache · 12/08/2023 16:26

I guess it depends on the reasons for divorce.

I will be my fiancé's 3rd marriage.

First ended due to infidelity on his wife's part. Second because once married she turned against his son and banned him from the house so he left her. There were various other abusive behaviours from her but that was the final straw I think.

He is lovely and older but was younger than 40 when he divorced the second time.

fullbloom87 · 12/08/2023 16:27

Yes I would.

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 12/08/2023 16:27

'That's quite a lot of marriages to get through.'

WTF? It's TWO. Confused

Yes you ARE being judgemental @Cocolas I wouldn't care and would still date him. As for 'he is the common denominator,' like a pp said, what nonsense. You know nothing about the man or how many times his wives were married before they met him!

If it WAS actually a lot of marriages - like 5 or 6, then I may date him, but that would be it. I wouldn't get married, or live with him, or have children with him....... There would be too many ex-wives - and possibly children too - for me to want to get serious.

ttcat37 · 12/08/2023 16:28

My DH was married and divorced twice before aged 30. I’m number 3, we’re both late 30s now. Hopefully third time’s a charm etc etc
FWIW it was not plain sailing in the early days and there was A LOT to iron out.

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:28

If he got divorced twice for cheating or something, I'd not want to be number three.

I think the reasons matter.

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 16:29

CharlotteStreetW1 · 12/08/2023 14:49

Is it Henry VIII?

That's one of the funniest things I've ever read on here! Grin

Blossomtoes · 12/08/2023 16:29

Maireas · 12/08/2023 16:26

You married at 18? Why was that?
Not a criticism, a genuine question.

Show quote history

Because I wanted to. Is that all right with you?

Charrington · 12/08/2023 16:29

It would put me off to be honest. Are there dc involved as well?

And I’m a teensy bit disappointed after that wonderful title.

fullbloom87 · 12/08/2023 16:29

Ilovelurchers · 12/08/2023 16:11

I'd been divorced twice by the time I was 40, and actually had had 3 failed LTRs (I am defining this as together two years or more and living together).

At this point I actually prefer to meet a partner who has also had a number of LTRs previously. It's just more comfortable for me - that shared experience.

So I would say it's horses for courses really. There is no right answer here. But you are perhaps likely to get on better with somebody who has had a similar experience to your own?

They can't have been that long term if you managed to get married and divorced twice and have 3 other relationships by age 40???

Original poster
Cocolas · 12/08/2023 16:30

He left his first wife and child
His second wife left him after he cheated

OP posts:
ChristmasCrumpet · 12/08/2023 16:30

I was married at 20, divorced at 21. Too young, wouldn't be told.

Married again now, and at 41, if I hypothetically divorced DH tomorrow, that would be 2 divorces by 41. Two decades apart.

Not exactly a loose cannon IMHO. All depends on the circumstances.

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 16:31

Cocolas · 12/08/2023 16:30

He left his first wife and child
His second wife left him after he cheated

His track record is awful.

Leopard and spots spring to mind.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who has that history.

Rosscameasdoody · 12/08/2023 16:31

Blossomtoes · 12/08/2023 16:23

The common denominator in mine was me. I married the first far too young (18) and the second fucked off and left me for someone else after six months. How would you judge me?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t. The reasons are very different - you own the fact that you were too young first time round, and the second was beyond your control. I dated a man who had been married twice and when I asked him the reason the marriages ended he blamed the ex both times - said they were difficult and manipulative. I guardedly let the relationship continue and it didn’t take me long to realise that he was the difficult and manipulative one !!

GiddyUpH · 12/08/2023 16:32

He sounds a catch Hmm

SamW98 · 12/08/2023 16:33

Cocolas · 12/08/2023 16:30

He left his first wife and child
His second wife left him after he cheated

Yes that would be a red flag for me

BlastedIce · 12/08/2023 16:33

LimeCheesecake · 12/08/2023 14:53

If he’s been widowed twice, if both previous wives had died in mysterious circumstances or from unusual accidents, I’d say my inner Miss Marple would strongly advise friend-zoning him.

Or died after eating mushrooms!

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 12/08/2023 16:33

Cocolas · 12/08/2023 16:30

He left his first wife and child
His second wife left him after he cheated

Hmmm how do you know? Did he tell you this?

FMSucks · 12/08/2023 16:33

I’ve been married twice (last marriage broke down at 43). First marriage was annulled. Yes I am the common denominator and married two abusive men back to back. I’ve been on my own since (5+ years) and have done the work on myself to ensure it never happens again (childhood abuse). I like to think I’m a pretty great person though and not some psychotic
nutter because I’ve had two failed marriages.

fullbloom87 · 12/08/2023 16:33

Just realised I put yes I would when I meant nooo I definitely wouldn't!

Marriage to me is sacred. You don't get married unless you're really in love and you don't get divorced unless you have a really good reason. So for someone to be married and divorced twice at 40 would make me very nervous to settle down with, I'd always be wondering how genuine his feelings were.
It took me 12 years to get married to my husband. It's not something I take lightly and if we were to divorce I highly doubt I'd bother marrying again.

whatabeautifulwedding · 12/08/2023 16:34

I'd be running very fast.

Surprised he admitted to it tbh!

LadyLolaRuben · 12/08/2023 16:34

Looking at it the other way. Theres lots of people who should be divorced but suffer in silence. Maybe he knows how to look out for himself and not suffer fools. Life is too short for shit marriages...

Silvers11 · 12/08/2023 16:35

Cocolas · 12/08/2023 16:30

He left his first wife and child
His second wife left him after he cheated

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, to be honest

fireflyloo · 12/08/2023 16:35

It wouldn't be ideal but there are bigger deal breakers for me. I'd rather divorced twice with no children than divorced once with young children. My dh's best friend was divorced twice by 40 (no kids) and is now happily married (they're perfect for each other). So there can be a happy ending.

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 12/08/2023 16:35

Blossomtoes · 12/08/2023 16:29

Because I wanted to. Is that all right with you?

Show quote history

LOL how rude. Asking someone that! What business is it of anyone else's!??