My wife says it's too little, too late

[benthebuilder]

Would have put this on Dadsnet, but it seems a bit quiet and I urgently need advice.
Basically, my wife has told me that my attempts to become more understanding regarding her needs and feelings is too little too late.
Dinn't realise how serious problem was until I read a letter of hers from solicitor regarding divorce.
Have attempted to talk with her about this, but she says it's far too late to show concern now, about 3 years too late actually.
I don't want a divorce, but she seems to have come to the end of the line with me and refuses to talk about it, saying I have left it too late.
What do I do now?
Also. I think things have come to a head over past few days and she is removing herself emotionally from our family.

cf...grim shit

you got that right

Ju...really ? I am honoured

I heart coolfonz

yeah, coolfonz is ok < sometimes >

Has it ever occurred to anyone that BTB did not acknowledge any good advice because he probably couldn't get a word in edgeways.
The thread was moving so fast, and as a first timer it was maybe very confusing for him.
Anyway, he's obviously not coming back so those of you who flamed him...congratulations!

Well Banana, he seemed to have managed to get in quite a bit of stuff about how misunderstood he was, so I don't buy that at all.

I haven't got impression that this thread was just about beating up on the poor man. If he was genuine about trying to fix things with his wife, he would have explored some of the advice offered. And he didn't, not one little bit. So either he is not for real or he is just a plank.

But we don't know he hasn't explored any advice offered to him.
For all we know he could have been busy all day trying to make things right with his wife.
Or he could have rushed off to relate...whatever...we don't know if he took advice or not.

rushed off to relate

yeh, right

OP...I have the feeling you are watching.

Why dodn't you come back and tell us how your day went, and whether you have taken any of th advice on board at all

Sorry, BL, but BTB's a prick. He asked a direct question, got (many) a direct answer, but couldn't be arsed to acknowledge said direct answer(s). Fuck him.

I was more than willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for various reasons, but I'd currently quite happily give him the slapping he so surely deserves. It's likely he may just understand that.

Amongst others I tried to engage him and thought I had, but then he decided to get all huffy about the negative stuff and ignore any of the advice. Can't help but feel that was because it was a) from women & b) not what he wanted to hear. Again, fuck him.

AF - damn right you're honoured

Now, Ju...I am not that fick

You only reappeared to side with me, cos that other bloke did

Tell the truth now....

AF - not so much that CF agreed with you, more what he posted.

Along with having caught up with the thread and seeing what others picked out of BTB's posts, plus the lack of response to the direct answer to his direct question.

It's not good enough, really. Confusion and sadness is one thing, bad manners is another. As many said, there was plenty advice, but he refused to engage with it on any level.

Oh, hang on, you were just messing...

Yep, no excuse for bad manners

I think his issues are more than just manners though

BL you are missing the point. I have no idea what he has gone off to do in Real Life.

But I think I can make an educated guess. If, after THREE YEARS he had not noticed that fucking off to enjoy his social life on his own and expecting sex and meals on tap were not designed to fill his wife's life with the joys of spring, I doubt very much he would have had the insight and/or understanding to act on the advice without discussing it further.

He found the time to huff and puff about people challenging him. If he had been genuine I think he would have asked more questions about the advice offered.

indeed, AF

oh, and Spero

I stand by my earlier post and think AF has hit the nail on the head. Again.

coolfonz you are one cool dude. Great posts.

JuJus - well said.

Do you think BTB will ever come back?

Er, nope.

Can he fix it? No he can't.

brilliant tech!

pmsl @ Tech. Fuckin ace

rofl at "grim shit"

in fact Quote of the Week:

"expecting meals on table, sex when I am in mood.

Really fucking grim shit"

"This place can be like a witches' coven sometimes, really. And NO ONE is capable of saying perhaps they misjudged it or - the unthinkable! - was perhaps wrong in their condemnation.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh, am in hospital with sick baby and am worried and tired and fractious. But I think some of these replies show the worst of mumsnet."

so true and remarkably restrained, Rhubarb.

yep,librium and stainesmassif , sometimes I am ashamed to be a MN regular. Tis like playground bullying.

Ben has gone folks, I doubt he ever was a wife beater, give him a break, non?

"get a word in edgeways" ??

Puhleeease.
Yes, the yakking wimmin are at it again.

All you have to do is type into the little box, then hit "post message", and you get your word in edgeways.

I don't know why men should be treated any differently than women here. The worst of MN? No, it's an equal opportunity flamefest here, as any trip down AIBU lane will demonstrate. Why should men receive any kind of special treatment?

because they are in possession of a cock ???

This is to all those MN members who have been soooo understanding and helpful.
I am BTB wife and i have read every single post on this thread....and no...i am not upset that he posted on here.
I am proud that he did. Yes, things h bad between us, and divorce was I felt, my only option.
But after BTB told me last night that he had posted on here I followed the thread all day.
Yes, he has been a crap husband tbh, and we have issues that need sorting....but the nastiness on here is unbelievable.
I read this thread with an open mind and was appalled...how could so many people be so vile to a person asking for advice?
DH admitted he was a shitty husband and you all fell on him like a pack of wolves.
I have been a regular poster for a while now, but have namechanged for this.
Dh and I have spent most of day talking...so yes he did take advice...acknowledged or not...and he was really upset about everyones reactions.
So I would just like to say to majority who posted on this thread....especially Anyfucker who seems to spend all her time slagging people off ....you have just lost a mumsnet member. I will not stay on a site that may have offered me good advice in the past, but now seems to consist of bitchiness and nasty remarks.