My wife says it's too little, too late

[benthebuilder]

Would have put this on Dadsnet, but it seems a bit quiet and I urgently need advice.
Basically, my wife has told me that my attempts to become more understanding regarding her needs and feelings is too little too late.
Dinn't realise how serious problem was until I read a letter of hers from solicitor regarding divorce.
Have attempted to talk with her about this, but she says it's far too late to show concern now, about 3 years too late actually.
I don't want a divorce, but she seems to have come to the end of the line with me and refuses to talk about it, saying I have left it too late.
What do I do now?
Also. I think things have come to a head over past few days and she is removing herself emotionally from our family.

FWIW - Hecate, I find your posts far from mean!

More honest and direct than mean. Why bumble around the point you're trying to make?

We need more like you and AnnieGYG and AF and FITG.

Brings a bit of reality (no, not her) to the posts.

Mouseface, how kind to namecheck me in a positive way .
Usually the only time when I get mentioned is in the context of 'FITG, you are a nutter, are you drunk?' etc

Yes but FITG, you are usually drunk, no?

weeellll, sometimes. Not at 10.45 am though, usually.......

It's 6pm somewhere in the world!

Well i am glad he managed to take something positive from the thread i hope (if fish you are real ) that you and your husband can work things out.

ohhh really MF, in that case, fancy a G&T?

And Fish and Ben, hope this thread helped in a rather roundabout way.

No AF, I don't need to post because I know from reading many, many threads what MN would say and they would be right.

I'm not going to go all hero worship on you because I get the impression you don't like that, my comment was meant in jest and I'm sorry if you have taken it otherwise.

AF you said on another thread "if something needs to be said I will say it" (now I can't remember which thread or what it was about) and it was such a simple, straight forward comment but I have taken it and lots of other common sense posts by other MNers on board and things between me and DH are really changing for the better.

I still want DH to have a virtual kicking on here, cos well he deserves it and I am mean like that!

So anyway, thank you.

And to hell with no "hero worship". I love you AF I love all of you

Then, HE, I am glad you have taken something from all the variety of scenarios posted on here and had a wake-up call about your situation (even if not directly). I didn't take offence, I was trying to illustrate the point that one poster does not Mumsnet make...

People forget you see, that the ones posting are actually the tip of the iceberg and there will be many, many more lurkers thinking "you know what, my DH does that and yes, it is unreasonable, and I shouldn't have to put up with it...."

HE, have a little kiss, you know you want to

TechLovingDad, you can have one too...and you, funnys...in fact there is love all around

Mouseface, I have to have a lttle giggle...I think hecate does not want to be lumped in together with the harpies straight-talkers like me

am having a hot flush after that lunchtime snogging session. Thanks though, has brightened up an otherwise dull Shoesday.......

FITG -

AF - I know, realise that now! but hopefully, she'll get my point.

And it could've been worse, I'm sure there must be some MNers who you'd really not want to be lumped in together with?

Awww thanks AF, I will partake of a wee snog, thank you

Actually, it's not been so much of a wake up call as more of a growing up. And long overdue at that I'm a mother of 3 ffs!

There are many posters on here, as you say, who are very insightful and give bloody good advice. Advice, which if I am honest, I wouldn't be as keen to take from RL friends/family. Somehow it feels more unbiased and less personal on here IYSWIM.

All of you, keep up the good work

Of course it is unbiased...how could it possibly be biased ?

i think the only thing that potentially skews the advice you might give on here is personal experience eg. of something like emotional abuse or DV

But I think that is a good thing, because if you have any sense, you realise that obviously RL will colour the responses you get and you should temper that and see the truth in a certain situation

what I do find though, is that not many problems are new. They often follow the same pattern, and in relationships particularly with EA and infidelity, the fuckwit partners follow a well-used script

making women aware of that is paramount, I think...and also reassuring them that they are not going crazy and bad behaviour shuld never be tolerated

cor blimey. If some people think this thread was an example of everything that is mean and horrible about mumsnet, then I have some bad news for them about the rest of their lives...

Grow up. I didn't think there was anything on here that was particularly nasty. And even if there was...er... so what? You post anonymously, you receive anonymous advice and some of it was bloody good.

If you don't like this or any other forum then just go away, find one you do like or start one up. Nicenfuffy.net perhaps. Where no one is EVER challenged or provoked, god forbid.

I know spero, some people must live very sheltered lives (or not been into AIBU, perhaps )

Indeed AF! Perhaps I should send them some links to some of the other web sites I visit, in a horrified and voyeuristic fashion. it is quite impressive that the people who post there can operate a computer, judging from the content and spelling of their contributions.

As no one on this thread, as far as I can remember has posted anything like 'YUO CAN AL FUK OF AND DI3 YUO R PEEEDaFILES' I can only assume that those who have recently posted as to their distress and alarm at the foul current state of mumsnet are in fact time travelling visitors from a Victorian novel.

I found this a lively and entertaining thread and I honestly am surprised that some people seem upset. If Ben is for real (Which I sincerely doubt, particularly after the intervention of his 'wife') he is going to have to climb some very hard mountains in his real life, pretty soon, whether his wife wants him back or not. I can't see how a few waspish comments on an internet forum will matter one way or another.

But the good advice offered by many who have lived thru this is worth taking. If he is for real, I hope he did.

waspish, yes me likey

oh dear god no, don't lump me in with attila the hun anyfucker!

wow, impressed with speed with with UA comments deleted, but what was the need to do that? She had a view, she expressed it, that's the point isn't it?

I can't say her post made me want to cry, leave mumsnet etc, etc. Seems a bit harsh from HQ.

come 'ere, let's hold hands, hec

shoulder to shoulder, against the world

Hecate - and and sorry!

Could be worse?

[hopeful emoticon]

mouseface, how lovely and sweet you sound x

hec is also wonderful, and I love her (on t'internet, of course )

I don't need to grow up, nor do I lead a sheltered life. Despite all its 'anti-hugs' policy, I actually find mumsnet to be generally sweet and fluffy. Yeah, ok, there are the straight talkers but generally there are a lot of smiley/winky icons and mutual ego-stroking among regulars. Whatever, fair enough. But tough and scary it's not.

What I don't like about this place sometimes is the playground mentality - not offering someone support if heaven forbid, they're male. Telling people if they don't like it they should fuck off somewhere else. Cackling together, virtual high-fives at each other's brilliant repartee, troll-hunting gone beserk, everyone so stubborn, can't possibly concede they may have gone too far or just been plain wrong.

My baby is much better btw AF, thank you. We will probably be home again tomorrow.

aww, good, RF

I agree RhubarbFool, I log on now and again depending on what is going on. I like the combatitive stuff but I find the playground mentality of the mumsnet addicts incredibly boring and annoying.

If I were looking for advice I'd ignore the addicts anyway - I'd be looking for advice from people more likely to be operating well in the real world not individuals hiding in the virtual world.

Unfortunately, any new posters wouldn't know which of the posters were the mumsnet addicted harridans and might actually think that the advice was coming from some normal well adjusted individuals.