My wife says it's too little, too late

[benthebuilder]

Would have put this on Dadsnet, but it seems a bit quiet and I urgently need advice.
Basically, my wife has told me that my attempts to become more understanding regarding her needs and feelings is too little too late.
Dinn't realise how serious problem was until I read a letter of hers from solicitor regarding divorce.
Have attempted to talk with her about this, but she says it's far too late to show concern now, about 3 years too late actually.
I don't want a divorce, but she seems to have come to the end of the line with me and refuses to talk about it, saying I have left it too late.
What do I do now?
Also. I think things have come to a head over past few days and she is removing herself emotionally from our family.

bye bye fish.

Anybody believe that last one?

Yes, I have no reason not to believe it.

Good luck fish and I hope you and dh can work things out and the nastiness expressed by some on here won't get you down.

UA, a minority has indeed made mumsnet suck.

fwiw I would be delighted if my dh sought advice on our marriage here,( but would be very concerned about the bashing he might get)

lol

She sooooo sounds like she is about to divorce him

naaaaaaaaaaaaart

what the frick happened to that almighty wise poster funnysinthegarden?

so insightful!!

I want to be his her best fwend

Seriously fish??? Wow. Are you just a woman too then? Because I can see he has been given advice, and bloody good advise at that.

You went to the solicitors you were that serious, but a thread on MN has made you change your mind and stay with man who 'expects sex when he feels like it'???

I am going to get my DH to start posting on MN, no seriously, I am.

I daren't post about any of our issues because I know I need to sort it out and I don't feel strong enough at the moment to take a battering from AnyFucker MN.

I am, however, more than happy to sit back and let him have a virtual pasting though. I think he would learn a lot.

Wasn't the "fish on a bike" used in a beer advert sometime ago?

HairExtensions. silly name. silly idea. silly concept.

Expensive too. Do you live in putney?

I usually hate troll hunting, but... every single sentence followed by a carriage return, in two otherwise reasonably articulate people?

I have learnt a new term now. Thanks

Yeers, a leetle bit suspicious.

UA- are you ok?

Portia fine thanx. You?

UA, I am totally lost. I don't know what this, or your posts, is about. I suspect I'm not alone there.

fishonabike. It's never too late, I feel.

I've been a pretty shit husband but my wife has given me the opportunity to rectify things. I am eternally grateful to her, for that.

MN is a good place, generally. AF may sound brusque but she has a good heart and her posts are often designed to shock people into realising the truth of their situation.

Not that I need to speak for AF.

Well, fish, no harm in trying again, I suppose.

But are you not bothered that your husband blames his appallingly selfish behaviour (expecting you to do all the housework, childcare, spread your legs when he feels like it, stay home with the children while he swans about as he likes) on "not being a bad person just not understanding women"? Do you think that he realises that women are people and they don't require a special babelfish translator? That he's been treating you like a domestic appliance (c. SGB) with a sexdoll attachment for years and you have been explicitly asking for him to improve?

And that he then opened a letter from your solicitor "because he thought you were having an affair" - so he's still not being honest, is he?

And he talks about not wanting a divorce, but in this entire thread, he hasn't said one loving or complimentary thing about you. He hasn't said how hard you work how nice you are how he still loves you...nothing.

Does that not bother you at all?

(Oh, it's tortoiseonthehalfshell trying out a name change, by the way. Do you like? )

we all fell on him like a pack of wolves?

You know what, I am sick to death of really trying to help people, really trying to give advice - I'm not saying it's wise and wonderous or anything, but I try, and time and time and time again, in thread after thread after thread, you get the you've ALL been horrible, you're ALL mean, EVERYONE is a bitch, ALL OF YOU are nasty and unhelpful.

It is bloody annoying!

Anyone else notice that BTB and FOAB's posting styles are identical? I mean literally identical?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................................................................... .................................

Fish...laughable really, not even worth comment

Sorry to all mumsnetters...it seems my posts (and mine alone, God I'm scary...words on a screen etc etc blah blah) have deprived, yes deprived the mighty mumsnet of two genu-wine posters

They will be sorely missed < wipes away a tear >

UA...for the 3rd time, I hope you are OK

HE...post away, I am not the only one who will reply. You could just ignore my response if you don't like it.

Hmm, why namechange just to say she's leaving the site forever?

Ah well, we'll never know the truth of things I guess. All I can say is, if the nastiness shown to the OP is what has encouraged his wife to give him a second chance, and him to at least think about changing his ways, then MN has done a good thing today.

Hecate, you were wise and lovely as always.

Tortoise, nice name, but I hope it doesn't mean you're having money worries?

Have to say I am loving the thought that the OP was so consumed by inadequacy and the fact he has one the size of a button mushroom that he needed to INVENT someone to take his side. Awww! Because - well, no-one else as really taken his side have they? Oh sure, he's had some sterling advice but no-one has enfolded him in their MN arms and been all 'Of course she is TOTALLY barking and you are in the right'. Shame, that.

I hope his invented persona is giving him lots of comfort right now, as his REAL wife toddles off happily into the sunset. Good for her!

I'm not particularly wise, Annie, but I do try to be kind. Which is why it annoys me when I get lumped in with the meanies