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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I thought I'd been reading too much Mumsnet!

463 replies

Shaz10 · 29/06/2010 21:55

But it turns out I was right, he is having an affair. Claims to be in love with her and not me. Shit shit shit shit shit.

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 01/07/2010 10:02

Agree with all that abedelia says. Try not to be bitter and vindictive when talking to his friends/family, just lay on the line what has happened and let them react however they see fit.

Take any offers of help that you have been given.

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:06

Thank you for the list. I know it makes sense.

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Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:07

Oh god this is so hard. I don't want to do it. I hate everything about this. I wish I'd never ever met him and maybe I would have met someone who wouldn't cheat. Oh fucking fucking hell.

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Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:10

He just kept living his life with me, not saying a word. Texting her at every chance. Writing her love letters on our bed. I found the beginning of one which he'd dated. Not her name but no-one else we know. Same initial letter, duh. Who is he? I don't know him. He's broken me.

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 01/07/2010 10:11

Oh bless you Shaz. My mum went through a similar thing, though they didn't split up and dad severed all contact with OW.

All I can tell you is that you CAN do it, I know you don't want to but you CAN. You are strong woman and you are a brilliant mother.

He is a weak-willed worm of a man. You deserve better. You will learn from this and you will get stronger. You will meet a warm, kind and loving man you adores you and will treat you and your child with the love and respect you deserve.

We are all here holding your hand.

LisaD1 · 01/07/2010 10:15

Shaz, If you hadn't met him you wouldn't have your gorgeous son so just see your h as a wonderful sperm donor and a fucking arsehole of a man!

I know it's hard but you will get through it, you have to, for your son and for yourself and to show that dickhead what a massive fuck up he has made of his life.

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:15

I'm sat here bawling. I hope nobody comes in.

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Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:16

Sperm donor, I like. Shame it was 9 years just for one sperm!

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 01/07/2010 10:18

It's good to cry sometimes. What age do you teach? I was a secondary teacher back before the kids. Teenagers have an uncanny knack of cheering you up when you're feeling rotten!

LisaD1 · 01/07/2010 10:18

I know, I spent 7 years with the sperm donor that gave me my amazing DD1, I wouldn't be without her even if it meant never meeting him (he was really classy, gambled thousands away and spent more money on paying for sex, a real catch!) But I have my DD1 and am now very happily married and have DD2 with a man that would spit on men like my ex and your H.

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:20

I'm primary. They've been ace, a really good class. I just have moments when I could crumble.

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Otterlybotterly · 01/07/2010 10:31

Chin up Shaz, you're doing so well. You're still in shock so don't be hard on yourself. Try to focus on small, practical steps. Make a solicitor's appointment at the very least.

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:35

I'm about to call to change my milk delivery order. That's a start, isn't it?

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Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 10:37

Just changed my milk order. Singing "Independent Women".

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Anniegetyourgun · 01/07/2010 10:54

It's cheesy, but I used to sing "I Will Survive" and "These Boots Are Made For Walking" to myself (I'm quite old!) Not that mine cheated as far as I know, he was just an unspeakable arse. Again, my four terrific sons wouldn't exist if I'd been smart enough to avoid him, so thank heavens we're a little bit stupid sometimes eh!

Otterlybotterly · 01/07/2010 11:25

Haha 'unspeakable arse'. Oh yes.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 01/07/2010 13:36

Keep singing Shaz - it's good for the soul

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 14:35

When is he likely to get in touch with me? I'm dreading it. I keep thinking of all the things I want to say to him, but I don't want to have a go at him because I don't want him to get defensive and convince himself he's done the right thing, do you know what I mean?

I feel like someone's cut out my insides. There's just a hole there.

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 01/07/2010 15:04

I should imagine he'll be in touch when he wants to see your DS....

Either that or when he gets the solicitor's letter (if you decide to see one)

Otterlybotterly · 01/07/2010 15:40

Or when he realises he's only got a suit with ripped pockets.

Otterlybotterly · 01/07/2010 15:41

Shaz, have you got anyone who can come and stay with you - your mum perhaps?

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 16:56

No, it's ok, I don't really want anyone here. I quite like my own company, and it's not that lonely here to be honest.

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Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 17:31

Otterlybotterly love the suit line!

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AuntieMaggie · 01/07/2010 17:52

Shaz - haven't really got any advice for you but to listen to the people on here - they give fab advice.

Sorry you have to go through this x

Original poster
Shaz10 · 01/07/2010 20:07

Bored. Shall I clean something?

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