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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It has occurred to me this morning, that since I started losing weight, DH has become increasingly nasty about my weight. Why would he be doing this?

115 replies

ShinyAndNew · 21/06/2010 09:34

I thought at first, maybe it is not that noticeable that I had lost weight. Or maybe that I hadn't in fact lost weight but that my jeans had somehow stretched in the wash and that is why they now fit

However in the last few days, my sister, the woman in the shop and someone at work have commented that I look like I have lost weight. This morning yet another pair of jeans, that had previously been far too tight and uncomfortable to wear, now fit. I know these ones have not stretched in the wash, because they have not been washed since I last had them on. They were too uncomfortable so I took them off after about 15 mins and put them back away.

DH has always commented on my weight, but the last few weeks, since I have been dieting his comments have been getting more frequent and nastier.

For example:

"When we go on Holiday, you should wear a bikini, then when you see how enormous you are in the pictures, you will want to diet"

"I don't what you are eating in the day, but it must be a lot for you to be that size. You cannot possibly just be eating what you say you are. I bet all you do is sit at the PC and eat and smoke"

"Kids, who do think is bigger? It's your mum isn't it? She loads bigger than me isn't she? Look how fat she is getting" - Of course they agreed with him

"I think the wii is lying to you. It is making you think you are smaller than you really are. I think you must weigh about X stone" - 2 stone heavier than the wii puts me at.

Normally he will just try and sabotage my diet by bringing in biscuits and chocolate and going on and on until I eat them, or going in a mood with me if I won't order take away with him or if chose something less fattening from the takeaway. But this time I haven't told him that I am dieting. I have just made small changes, like smaller portions and more exercise. Mainly during the day when he is working. I haven't told him that I have lost weight or that my clothes are fitting better.

So what's with this new tactic? I don't get it.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/06/2010 09:37

he feels threatened!!!

you're looking good and he doesnt like where that might lead! keep up the good work

EleanorHandbasket · 21/06/2010 09:37

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GypsyMoth · 21/06/2010 09:38

oh,and well done you!!!

(but it might not be just the weight that you need to plan on losing here!!)

racmac · 21/06/2010 09:38

he sounds like a complete tosser and he is quite clearly jealous of you.

Why are you with this charmer?
Is there a history with this?

Well done by the way

TheLifeOfRiley · 21/06/2010 09:41

I agree what an arsehole! for you. Do you feel angry about this? Because you should!!

Yep, threatened and jealous and insecure.
Well done on the weight loss shiney!

WW have lots of tips and discussions on diet saboteurs (sp?) and tips for ordering a take away making choices that won't undo your hard work. Even though not doing WW may be worth having a look?

ShinyAndNew · 21/06/2010 09:42

Yes he is overweight also. And slowly getting bigger. Though I don't constantly comment on his weight gain, like he does to me.

The wii puts his BMI at about 4 points higher than mine. Apparently BMI is not a good indicator of how overweight you are. I am shorter than him and therefore my BMI should be much lower than his

OP posts:
foureleven · 21/06/2010 09:43

This makes me feel angry and sad and like I want to find your husband and kill him.

How fucking dare he treat you this way. In fact I cant even be bothered to get in to his mind and work out why (at first guess id say he feels threatened, he's trying to belittle you, he prefers you bigger, he's worried that losing weight will give you confidence to realise you could do better than him)

Im sorry but you dont humiliate someone you love.

Kill him.

Oh and not to mention the effect his comments may have on your children... he is promoting not only a bad attitude to eating and health but also to relationships.

Grrr I am mad.

Oh, and well done to you. Sounds like youre doing a fab job and I really hope you feel your confidence growing in dispite of this twat.

Bonsoir · 21/06/2010 09:43

What foureleven said!

EleanorHandbasket · 21/06/2010 09:44

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foureleven · 21/06/2010 09:45

I a no expert but I beleive your BMI takes in to account your height. It is a guide to your overall body fat. A healthy range is something like 18 - 25 I think, same for men, women, tall and short...

P.s are you 'shiney' shiney... Ive always seen threads about shiney and wondered who it is...

EleanorHandbasket · 21/06/2010 09:46

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GetOrfMoiLand · 21/06/2010 09:47

What an arsewipe he is. The nasty fucker.

This is a horrible way to behave. He likes you fat so you can stay with him where you belong. In his mind if you get thin you will be going out looking for anotehr bloke who isn't such a nasty bully. And well you might.

foureleven · 21/06/2010 09:47

oh I see, thanks for clearing that up!

TheCrackFox · 21/06/2010 09:47

Has he always been a dick?

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/06/2010 09:49

Three cheers to foureleven.

ShinyAndNew · 21/06/2010 09:52

foureleven, no I am definitely not Shiney. She was here first, but I didn't realise when I chose my name, that she was referred to as Shiney.

I tell him that about the BMI, but I am talking rubbish apparently

I know he is probably jealous or threatened, especially as I keep telling him I am not happy in the relationship and wish to leave. But surely any sensible person, who wanted to save a relationship, would start to treat somebody better, not worse?

And why the change in tactic? Why not just carry on going into moods until I eat unhealthy things?

No I am particularly angry with him. He is twat, nothing he does could anger me or surprise me. Well maybe being nice would surprise me, but I doubt that will happen any time soon. And yes, I am feeling happier with myself and more confident. I have even been treating myself to some new body creams and things so I look the best I can on my Holiday.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 21/06/2010 09:52

There is no point in all this vituperation (unless you already hate him Shiny). He is clearly threatened and scared and worried about how life is going to change. He is just expressing it in the fashion of an arse.

You will have to be the bigger person (oh hahahahahahaha) and help him with this, get him to acknowledge what he is doing with love and kindness and get him to address his own weight problems.

Hullygully · 21/06/2010 09:53

Ah. You wish to leave. Ok, he is an arse.

ib · 21/06/2010 09:54

It's all very well everyone getting so indignant and saying kill him, but he's your dh and father to your dc, so he must have some redeeming features.

Sounds like he has a massive problem with his own weight, and your dealing with yours is making him feel it more acutely. Obviously he is dealing with it in the worst way possible.

Maybe you need to have a sit down and talk about it? Maybe start trying to lose weight together? It's a lot easier if the whole house shifts to a healthier diet together, surely?

If he's not willing to engage with the conversation, I would suggest he needs some counselling on the matter, as otherwise your whole family will suffer from his hang-up.

foureleven · 21/06/2010 09:54

You could show him this thread...?

thisishowifeel · 21/06/2010 09:55

Advice to kill him. Hmmm he seems to be working on that all by himself by getting fatter and fatter. Make sure he's well insured and feed him up some more...give your leftovers.

Well done on getting fitter, sod his insecurities...they're his not yours.

ib · 21/06/2010 09:56

Ah, x post.

Well, you should just leave him then.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/06/2010 09:56

yes, show him this thread

Rosieeo · 21/06/2010 09:57

God, he sounds like a right prize

Well done you; whatever you're doing is working. Any tips to share?

Ignore his wankery. I hope he has some redeeming features.

mamas12 · 21/06/2010 09:57

Hope you are going on this holday without this drain on you.

I can tell you this going on a holiday with someone you know you are going to leave is noooooooo holiday.
Watch out and make your plans to leave now.