It has occurred to me this morning, that since I started losing weight, DH has become increasingly nasty about my weight. Why would he be doing this?

[ShinyAndNew]

I thought at first, maybe it is not that noticeable that I had lost weight. Or maybe that I hadn't in fact lost weight but that my jeans had somehow stretched in the wash and that is why they now fit

However in the last few days, my sister, the woman in the shop and someone at work have commented that I look like I have lost weight. This morning yet another pair of jeans, that had previously been far too tight and uncomfortable to wear, now fit. I know these ones have not stretched in the wash, because they have not been washed since I last had them on. They were too uncomfortable so I took them off after about 15 mins and put them back away.

DH has always commented on my weight, but the last few weeks, since I have been dieting his comments have been getting more frequent and nastier.

For example:

"When we go on Holiday, you should wear a bikini, then when you see how enormous you are in the pictures, you will want to diet"

"I don't what you are eating in the day, but it must be a lot for you to be that size. You cannot possibly just be eating what you say you are. I bet all you do is sit at the PC and eat and smoke"

"Kids, who do think is bigger? It's your mum isn't it? She loads bigger than me isn't she? Look how fat she is getting" - Of course they agreed with him

"I think the wii is lying to you. It is making you think you are smaller than you really are. I think you must weigh about X stone" - 2 stone heavier than the wii puts me at.

Normally he will just try and sabotage my diet by bringing in biscuits and chocolate and going on and on until I eat them, or going in a mood with me if I won't order take away with him or if chose something less fattening from the takeaway. But this time I haven't told him that I am dieting. I have just made small changes, like smaller portions and more exercise. Mainly during the day when he is working. I haven't told him that I have lost weight or that my clothes are fitting better.

So what's with this new tactic? I don't get it.

My X used to loathe it when i used to refuse to get upset. So he would slag me off saying my arse looked fatm you could see my stretchmarks etc. And instead of my usual upset, arguing back, asking why he was being so hurtful ('I am not being deliberately spiteful, getorf, I am just telling you this so you don't get hurt when you hear other people say these things. Why are you getting hysterical? i think you are actually going mad you know. I am going out, sick of you crying') I used to just say 'yeah, my arse, it is so disgusting, think I am going to cause an eclipse, sorry love'. He hated it. Like most bullies he was as thick as two short planks and couldn't rewire his thought processes to cope with sarcasm.

I can't believe someone could speak to their partner that way! How horrible for you. I'm glad you realize that it's not on- And well done on the weight loss. It must be hard with so little support.

nothing to add to previous posters.. he is being horrid.

best of luck with this OP.

I really hate people who state 'facts' that have no bsais in reality. You're shorter so your BMI should be lower? Ha. What an idiot.

Makes you wonder how many other things he has told you over the years that are only "true" inside his head.

"I keep telling him I am not happy in the relationship and wish to leave"

Sounds like he is trying to undermine your confidence, so you don't have the will to leave him.

What a twat!

re your comment s...single mum of two....slapper

this is 2010. not 1960. no-one will give it a second thought.

start another thread asking for stories about the single mums who have found love.

dont stay

The bit where you said he encourages your children to say you're fat - that's the bit where my jaw dropped to my chest and I've only just levered it painfully back into place. That's awful, not just for you, but what a hell of a way to bring up children! He is not only a bad husband, he is a very bad father.

I agree with those who say don't argue/justify, as you won't persuade him of anything, and does it matter what he believes anyway? You know you're looking better and feeling better in your clothes and in yourself. That's what matters.

It's called verbal abuse, by the way, and there's a lot of it about.

And sounds like you should kill your Dad as will, or get one of the posters here to do it. Calling his own daughter a slapper? Sheesh.

Why not have some casual sex with strangers and see how it feels? Guilty or not guilty?

Custy, I know that. But tbh I don't really care what people think. As someone already said on here those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter. My Father's opinion of me means about as much to me as DH's does. Which is exactly nothing. I am beyond caring.

And as for meeting someone else...meh! I'll be happy enough on my own with my children. If I meet someone else, great. If not I have my daughters, my sisters, my mum and some great friends who will side with me and support me no matter what. That is all I need.

Start calling him Arbuckle or Billy Bunter or Barbapappa.

As in: "shut up Barbapappa you lardy tit."

Agree with everyone who's said that he is trying to make you feel insecure and unlovable so you will stay with him (and carry on servicing him). Yup, do the 'agree with him' thing as well - though be prepared for him to ramp up the nastiness to get a reaction.
And once you're rid of him, do some hard thinking about that crap lesson your parents evidently taught you (judging by their reluctance for you to leave a total tosser) - that to be without a man is to be a failure, therefore lazy horrible stupid men should be clung on to and indulged and obeyed because men matter more than women and a woman without one is worthless - this is BULLSHIT. Single life is great.

Re. the not engaging tactic: if you ever feel your resolve weakening, just keep in mind how amazing you will look and feel in a few weeks' time as you swan out of the door with your children, en route to a better life, leaving him to cry into his lard every night, the stupid fucker.

He sounds as useful and attractive as a second scrotum, and I hope that once you have left he contracts a really painful outbreak of scabby boils

Well we know why the OP's father subscribes to that view, don't we? Because he's got stuff all else going for him other than possession of that wonderful organ without which women are helpless.

Shiny, good luck

I second cyteen's wish, with a bit of luck the scabby boils will be ON his scrotum

Just wanted to add my congrats on the weight loss and best wishes for the future

what a fat knacker he is - you should start singing 'who ate all the pies' under your breath when he starts.

good luck - and i have room under my decking if required!

What a wanker - boo ha sucks to him - if you feel good then good for you.

Shiny, you sound really lovely and I'm sorry you have to tolerate living with such deficient person. His behaviour is monstrous.

But it sounds like you're coming to a place where you can see life, freedom and happiness ahead without him. I so hope so. You deserve it.

Agree with everyone else here. Keep up the good work Shiny.
Just a thought, if by any chance Shiny takes up the advice to give him the chop, literally, could MNers be had up for incitement?

Adding my voice to the support you have had on this thread

Shiny, you deserve better than this

Thanks for your support everyone. He started again last night. He asked if I loved him . When I said no he proclaimed he had done nothing wrong and couldn't understand why I was being nasty to him . When he asked what he had done this time I said "Erm, I don't know, maybe encouraging the children to call me fat?". He reckons I am just upset because dd1 agreed with him. "Yes, that's exactly it. I am utterly devastated can't you see?" was my reply. After which he went into a massive rant about how if I was that bothered I would do something about it. I'd exercise more on the ski machine that I use every day never bother with. He finished by telling me that he wasn't going to buy me any holiday clothes because he couldn't afford it if I was just going to 'grow out of them straight away'.

When he got no rise out me he started about how I never walk the dog and every one knows it, because no one ever sees me. Well they wouldn't would they, since I walk him on an afternoon in the park I live opposite and all my family live in the opposite direction? They have all told him that they know I don't take the dog out and that I don't care about it

I'm not sure who this 'they' is, because I am very close to my mum and my sisters and they would tell me, if they had concerns about my dog.

oh shiny!! i was thinking about this thread last night....ignore,ignore,ignore!!

the last of any weight you need to lose will fall off soon enough. i found all the business of leaving was a great diet booster...so much to do etc!

will you be taking your dog with you?

Yes the dog and the cat will be coming with me. Landlords around here are pretty okay with pets, so finding somewhere won't be an issue. I have rented before with cats and dogs.

Shiny! Come and live with me! We only have a very little spare bed and it is in a room that looks like barbie vommed on everything but you'll only need a tiny little bed soon as all this weight is dropping off of you. i cant bear to think of this horrid little man saying these horrid things to you a moment longer!

Get out!!!! and take your dog with you

Oh, and the kids too. Dont forget the kids