Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It has occurred to me this morning, that since I started losing weight, DH has become increasingly nasty about my weight. Why would he be doing this?

115 replies

ShinyAndNew · 21/06/2010 09:34

I thought at first, maybe it is not that noticeable that I had lost weight. Or maybe that I hadn't in fact lost weight but that my jeans had somehow stretched in the wash and that is why they now fit

However in the last few days, my sister, the woman in the shop and someone at work have commented that I look like I have lost weight. This morning yet another pair of jeans, that had previously been far too tight and uncomfortable to wear, now fit. I know these ones have not stretched in the wash, because they have not been washed since I last had them on. They were too uncomfortable so I took them off after about 15 mins and put them back away.

DH has always commented on my weight, but the last few weeks, since I have been dieting his comments have been getting more frequent and nastier.

For example:

"When we go on Holiday, you should wear a bikini, then when you see how enormous you are in the pictures, you will want to diet"

"I don't what you are eating in the day, but it must be a lot for you to be that size. You cannot possibly just be eating what you say you are. I bet all you do is sit at the PC and eat and smoke"

"Kids, who do think is bigger? It's your mum isn't it? She loads bigger than me isn't she? Look how fat she is getting" - Of course they agreed with him

"I think the wii is lying to you. It is making you think you are smaller than you really are. I think you must weigh about X stone" - 2 stone heavier than the wii puts me at.

Normally he will just try and sabotage my diet by bringing in biscuits and chocolate and going on and on until I eat them, or going in a mood with me if I won't order take away with him or if chose something less fattening from the takeaway. But this time I haven't told him that I am dieting. I have just made small changes, like smaller portions and more exercise. Mainly during the day when he is working. I haven't told him that I have lost weight or that my clothes are fitting better.

So what's with this new tactic? I don't get it.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 22/06/2010 09:46

Go Shiny! It's horrible to be ranted at, but I hope you got a wee bit of satisfaction out of your handling of it. He knows your weight is something you've been sensitive about so he will carry on pressing that button till it's worn out, regardless of whether it's still relevant.

If he were that concerned about you neglecting the poor dog he might be tempted to take it for a walk himself, eh? Ah now, let's not be silly.

ShinyAndNew · 22/06/2010 10:05

13 Shiney? Ha. More like 19/20 stone. And he has the gall to call me names

Still I am happy in the knowledge that while my weight is going down albeit slowly, his is creeping up not so slowly.

OP posts:
ladylush · 22/06/2010 10:08

What a horrible horrible man How dare he talk to you like that - and in front of your children I'm not usually one of the "leave him" posters (it's always the OPs decision to make) but I am really fighting the urge to say RUN FOR THE HILLS............oops, said it
You sound like a lovely woman and I hope you, the kids and the dog will have a very happy life without this horrid man in it.

ladylush · 22/06/2010 10:11

Shiny - are you on a weightloss or exercise thread on mumsnet? Might help keep your morale up - especially as you're not getting any support at home.

Jux · 22/06/2010 10:12

Oh well done, Shiny. What a pathetic, sad, little (?!) man he is.

My friend was repeatedly told by her xp that no one liked her, everyone hated her. She got to the point where she actually asked me, as he had named me particularly (odd, as I hardly ever saw him and when I did barely spoke to him).

They make things up, those nasty men, it's just to fuck you up; and it's not working is it! Fantastic.

ShinyAndNew · 22/06/2010 10:13

Ladylush I have had a look at a few, but cannot decide which to choose, as I'm not doing any particular plan as such. Just cutting down on portion size and moving more. Longer walks for the dog and using the ski machine etc.

My sister is also dieting as is my friend, so I have been chatting to them on MSN. I have decided for an extra push before my Holiday, I will stop drinking tea with milk and start having green tea instead.

OP posts:
edam · 22/06/2010 10:16

Shiny, when are you leaving? He's a horrible man and a terrible father (what a shitty way to mess with your childrens' minds). Get out ASAP! And bloody well done with the weight loss AND taking back some control and deciding to leave.

Life will be a hundred times better without this poisonous tosser in it. And your children will grow up knowing they don't have to take that crap from their partners and it's not OK to dish it out. Not just win-win but win, win, win, win, win repeat ad infinitum!

thumbwitch · 22/06/2010 10:18

Shiny, he's definitely upping the ante to try and make you "crack" - well done for not doing it! Keep strong and just remember that soon enough you'll be away from this poor apology of a 'man' and you will be So Much Happier.

Go Shiny!!

mumofthreesweeties · 22/06/2010 10:38

He is a complete prick, how dare he speak to you like that. I am sorry that he is making you feel terrible about yourself but it is because he is jealous. What ever happened to loving you for who you are. YOu shouldnt be subjected to verbal abuse and demeaning comments like that.

mumofthreesweeties · 22/06/2010 10:43

Shiny, you need to leave this man. Dont try and justify any of your behaviour to him because his aim is to make you lose your self esteem and stay with him. He has certainly upped his ante but you need to start thinking about whether this is a healthy relationship for you and your children. Your boys will grow up and behave like him to their partners because they will think that it is normal behaviour. IF not for yourself, get out of that relationship for the sake of your children

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/06/2010 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/06/2010 11:02

Good on you for starting to plan to break away, and for seeing through all his crap.

Seriously though don't waste your time even engaging with him on these matters. Don't let him see that you care for his opinion. If he says something derogatrory (like that nonsense about your family saying you don't walk the dog, I mean what a pathetic bloody topic of conversation) just shrug and say 'yes, your probably right'. i know some people may think this is really childish but to be honest it was the only thing that worked when I had a nobber boyfriend, he knew exactly which buttons to press with me and to engage in conversation with him used to just make me so upset.

Please look after yourself though - it took me bloody ages to actually sort myself out and leave, about 9 months from planning to actual execution, and in that time life was bloody hard. I put up mental barriers which I am still finding difficulties with 5 years later.

Don't waste any precious second more than you have to on him.

ladylush · 22/06/2010 11:09

It sounds as though what you're doing is working (walks and ski machine) but if you find you are starting to get bored, you could try something else like a running programme. I've just finished the couch to 5k and would recommend it. Well done on your weight loss - to achieve that with all that's going on with h is well, bloody fantastic

ShinyAndNew · 22/06/2010 11:17

Well the dog won't be getting a longer walk today. I have just took him to my sisters with me and he didn't cope well in the heat. It's much hotter today than it has been all week. I'll do extra on the ski machine instead and take the dog out again tonight after work.

OP posts:
foureleven · 22/06/2010 14:22

ladylush, what is couch to 5k? sounds ideal for me..

Sorry to crash OP.

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/06/2010 14:25

Re diet - have a look at that Dukan thingie. I have been on it for about 4 weeks, have not weighed myself but have lost 4.5 inches off waist, 2 inches of hips, 3 inches off bust (come back!) and 1.5 inches of each thigh.

I haven't bought the book, just google dukan daily mail and the concept comes up.

It is basically nil carb. Easy to do once you get into it, and can keep away from chips and cheese.

ladylush · 22/06/2010 14:30

foureleven - it's an 8 week programme. You start by walking a few mins, running a min and build up gradually so that by the end you are running for 30 mins.

ladylush · 22/06/2010 14:33

www.coolrunning.com

ShinyAndNew · 22/06/2010 14:33

So that couch to 5k thing is an actual programme/course and not just a MN thread then?

I despise running, but the dog likes it. Usually I cycle and he runs, but I can only do that when my sister calls round to watch dd2.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 22/06/2010 14:33

Shiney - my thoughts exactly

ladylush · 22/06/2010 14:38

Yeah it's a programme - but there are a few threads on it in the sport and exercise section and it can help keep you motivated. I also despise running - but am revising my opinion as I see the results

ShinyAndNew · 22/06/2010 14:40

Oh wow. People have even made pod casts to guide you! I'll be doing that tomorrow. I can't today as I am at work and I could only do it on an evening. I am hoping guessing dd2 would not be able to keep up

OP posts:
ladylush · 22/06/2010 15:13

It's really good Shiny. I've dropped a dress size without dieting

LittleMissHissyFit · 22/06/2010 17:24

Adding my 'weight' to the thread, everyone else has said what I feel.

I'm so sorry your H is being such an arse about this. I've heard of the phenomenon, but even this is a bit extreme!!

hoping you do get away. Good luck Shiny!

LittleMissHissyFit · 22/06/2010 17:30

BTW, love the coolrunning thing, SOO desperately need to do something and even I could find 20 minutes 3 times a week....

Swipe left for the next trending thread