I dont suppose any of you would like to join the socially awkward society I am going to start?

[MumofTrioTrioIwanaTrioIwant1NW]

free membership Or is it just me?

Am annoyed at myself for being socially awkward (several instances today in company),

I do try thats the annoying thing I just dont seem to be able to be anything else! pah!

Please come cheer me up somehow

You sound like you know what you are doing, LeQueen!

I would never be able to think of throw away remarks. Actually I'm not terribly good at smiling; if I'm feeling awkward, the smile always feels stuck on and not natural. Unfortunately I don't have a smiley face in repose, and I'm quite a serious person which doesn't help. (I can feel everyone melting away as I write this.)

Once I arrived at Church and the lady sides person said to DH "Does she always look so serious and miserable?". Five minutes later, as I sat in the pew, the female curate came past and said (nicely) "You're looking very tired today." I felt like bursting into tears.

Oh and I always wear the wrong thing at social events.

Sorry Frankit and WhatswrongWithYou, spent so long writing my bit that cross posts and it looks like I've ignored yours.

I've always hated social events - I was Corporate Wife for 17 years and never managed the small talk thing.

And I always wear the wrong thing too; mumsy stuff to a nightclub and tarty tight things to a BBQ with the neighbours!

I'll join! I thread-kill AND conversation-kill.

LeQueen - that is all excellent advice which I am slowly digesting. The thing I am struggling with is how to appear blithe, breezy and nonchalant when in fact I am having an anxiety attack inside. I'm really not much of an actress - very much a heart on sleeve person and my emotions show on my face.

I can see what you are getting at with self-fulfilling prophecies. I need to act bright and breezy, then people will respond better to me and I will become brighter and breezier.

Anyway I have promised myself I am not mumsnetting tonight - I'm going to give myself a pedicure and watch Battlestar Galatica on DVD. So nighty night to all in the socially awkward society and see you all in the morning.

lunavix me too. And when I try to agree with people they always think I'm arguing with them...
Beer helps, I find

I think you hit the nail on the head lequeen that you were born with self confidence. Ds 2 is like this, confident, relaxed with friends etc where as Ds 1 is like me (poor sod!) and says he feels shy and I notice he has a few quirky mannerisms. We can put on a fake show of confidence but deep down we are as we are. I will try some of your tips in the playground though!

Can I join too? Though me even saying this is probably going to kill this thread stone dead - I usually do

The advice to ask the other person questions never works with me because I always think that the other person will think I am being nosey or I will touch on a sore subject and upset or offend

Maisiebean, I think I ask too many questions too and I have noticed that they never ask me any back. I'm fine with old friends where you can pick up where you left off but people I don't know very well and small talk-argh

Hi all, We are a similar bunch on the whole arent we

I am glad there is a wee thread for us

LeQueen - I know your advice is really useful, but I have to admit that the idea that other mums in playground are using conversational gambits to vet my suitability as an accquaintance is absolutely bloody terrifying.

Nothing like piling on the pressure when you're feeling a bit wobbly about joining in. It just confirms all my fears about being an outcast if I can't play the game correctly.

bitsnbobs thank you for not letting me kill the thread I am fine with people I know well (and feel comfortable with - that is the key) too but I just get so self-conscious otherwise...

Guys I have aquestion.

ds has to go to school dressed as a fairy tale character what could he go as please

Dick Wittington. Hanky and a stick. Easy.

The woodcutter from Little Red Riding Hood - stick with a cardboard axe head.

A prince (choose your own fairytale) - cardboard crown.

A prince with a cardboard crown and bag of peas (The Princess and the Pea).

The irony of my life...

If I am suddenly seemingly successful at "conversation"-meaning someone wants to talk to me and initiates the conversation (the angels above are singing-I am thinking at last)- it is a huge red flag because it will turn out that I am being chatted up for a reason: What do they want?

Sil never talked to me-everything was about her. Then she called up out of the blue and had me on the phone for an hour and a half! Oh, very pleasant, too. It turned out she wanted my dh to cosign a building loan for her. He did not and the mil & sil 'organism' could not believe that I didn't have any thing to do with that (it was his decision to avoid it) so made my life hell on the next visit-yeah, the one where we drove 500+ miles to see them. Dh set them straight on the matter only after I declared my intention of never going there again.

LeQueen-try a slow cooker; get the largest one you can find/afford. It should hold a whole chicken. Or half a ham, or a large pork roast, or soup. BBQ ribs.

Mumoftrio- The gingerbread man? If allowed, pass out gingerbread cookies and everyone will be happy.

Ooooh good ideas!!!!

now thats the one I want - THE GINGERBREAD MAN!!!

please can someone help me source one!! (sec hand ideally ) (he is a small aged 6!)

I'm chipmonkey and I'm Socially Awkward.

I was always "shy" at primary school but in secondary school learned to put on an "act" mainly because I was being horrendously bullied in first year and in the summer of that year decided that I had to do something about it. So in second year, I came back acting the part of an altogether more confident person. I have managed to keep up this act for oh, about 26 years now. But inside I am an appalling wreck. I do remember my mother telling my father that she thought I handled social situations very well and I did think "If only you knew!"

I have the phone phobia thing.

I am not good at connecting faces with names and forget names as soon as I am told them.

And if someone "helpfully" points out that I didn't come across well or that I seemed nervous or don't appear confident, I pretty much crumble and dwell on it for weeks thinking that they all know it is just an act and that I am fooling no-one.

I do find it very helpful thought that one or two MNers that I think are kind of "cool" also feel this way inside ( I won't say which MNers as I don't want everyone else to think they are "uncool" IYKWIM)

Have any of you taken an online test for Aspergers or HFA? I know I score quite highly on these and have to say, it does explain a lot.

Hello
As I'm diving in feet first, I'm hoping I really am all alone at this ungodly hour! Also that I'm not repeating other posts ... My, MTTIT, for a socially awkward individual you HAVE started the ball rolling here

I used to be Ms Sociable but have come over all gawky since going doolally. I think it happened partly because I was so depressed for a long time - and then ended up here, in a small town where I don't know anybody. I had incredibly low self-esteem all my life, though, and practically no boundaries. By nature I think I'm one of those people who misfire socially, then suddenly spill gallons of inappropriately deep stuff all over the tiny, bite-sized cocktail conversation!

What saved me, during the majority of my adult life, was dear old sales training. I'm sharing the basics here - in hopes that, the more I write it down, the sooner I'll regain the knack!! Here goes.

Look new people in the eyes and smile. If you look at their forehead - just above the top of the nose (third eye, to any spiritual types here) - they can't tell. They think you're looking in their eyes.

When you greet them, say your name immediately. When they tell you theirs, repeat it (helps you remember).

Either:
Exchange a bit of 'where you fit in' info: "That's my son in the yellow jacket, which child is yours [new name]?" or "I was at school with [the bride], how do you know them, [new name]?"

Or:
Offer a compliment. There's nearly always something you can pick out: "I love your bangle [new name], where did you find such a clever design?" or "Your speech was interesting [new name], how did you find out about the bypass plans?"

Or:
Ask their opinion: "[New name], I've got to buy a birthday cake later on. Which bakery would you recommend?"

Feed back the last bit of what they said, and open it out further with another info exchange: "Wow, you got it in Peru? It sounds like a fascinating country. What made you decide to go there?"

Open questions are the ones that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. They are:
Who ...?
What ...?
Which ...?
Where ...?
When ...?
Why ...?
How ...?

When you part, repeat the eye, name and smile thing.

And my resolution for today (after I've had some sleep ) is to make at least one of those calls I keep putting off!!

Grace is, as usual, very wise.

I fall into the LeQueen category here; self confident fairly naturally. But if I had to teach this stuff, I'd say almost exactly what Grace has.

It definitely can be learnt.

.... Erm... Er Hi Hello?... Hi there... erm Hi... Can I join too?

.... Erm... Er Hi Hello?... Hi there... erm Hi... Can I join too?

I think I have always been like this. I remember being a very loud and outgoing child though - I was always being told off for being a show off and getting up to all kinds of mischief. I remember I was never allowed to have long hair and my Mum would chop it off in a bowl cut style so when I started primary school I would constantly pull the girls hair if they had plaits(sp?) and got sent "behind the desk" for not paying attention, looking out the window or talking too much.

Puberty hit and I got fat, spotty and greasy. I lost ALL confidence, was severely bullied and outcast. Since then I have had to build up my confidence several times and always attract bullies who try to knock me down (and manage often although I try to avoid assosciating with knobs) esp in work situations (which I don't have to deal with since am currently SAHM).

I have very few friends in RL although I have been in and out of large groups of "friends" but the friendships never lasted. People seem to like me if they give me a chance and then go off me when they realise I have few friends or they realise I am really very shy and socially inept. It is really strange. There is defo a pattern where I can do the friends thing as long as I can lie a bit to make myself seem "normal" but if I realise they will be a bigger part of my life or they want to be a real friend then I have to be honest with them and they find out I am a boring saddo with no friends who sometimes can't even leave the house...

Phew - didn't mean to put all that!

I also remember my Aunt being really worried about me when I was about 19 and she was trying to encourage me to get my own flat and get out there in the world. She would get p!ssed off at my Mum as Mum would often talk for me. Eg someone asks me a direct question and she directly answers on my behalf, often with the wrong answer! I also was not allowed to use the phone (days before mobiles when I was a teenager) so I lost a lot of would be friends because I was not able to phone them...

Anyways, chipmonkey I just did some online Aspergers and Autism tests there and scored just above the borderline ie over 32 and I got 34. That does kind of explain things a bit wrt never fitting in and often sitting there smiling and nodding along with everyone but not really "getting it" IYKNIM.

Whoah - what a mahoosive post again. Nice to feel less alone but not really getting anywhere with my social ineptitude!