I dont suppose any of you would like to join the socially awkward society I am going to start?

[MumofTrioTrioIwanaTrioIwant1NW]

free membership Or is it just me?

Am annoyed at myself for being socially awkward (several instances today in company),

I do try thats the annoying thing I just dont seem to be able to be anything else! pah!

Please come cheer me up somehow

AAAArrrggh!!!

Am having a telephone crisis! Need to phone work and discuss flexible working (am currently on ML), I've been putting it off for weeks because I'm really nervous about talking on the phone. Its so stupid- I just need to talk to my manager who's really nice...but what if somebody else answers the phone...will they know who I am...I'm sure some of the women in that office don't like me...

Also need to phone the doctors and book a smear test - I've been putting that one off for months! After the joys of childbirth the smear itself doesn't worry me- its just the phonecall.

Somebody please give me a kick- I'm so crap!

Actually the old guy turned up on the bus on the return journey so maybe he fibbed about going to the hospital - possibly a bit dotty or spends the day on the buses so he doesn't have to heat his house. I had chatted with him at the bus stop but for some reason, probably the interfering busybody thing, couldn't speak up later.

I get to chat quite a lot to people on buses as I don't drive (too scared) and I do find that easy, especially the elderly and young children. But they're not really people I expect to see again so there's no pressure there, like suiledonne says. It's the mums at toddler group I find it hard to approach.
So sorry for you suiledonne, you've had some tough things to get over.

Suiledonne I think it is easy to let friendships "fade away" when you have children, let alone without the added difficulties of PND / other upheavals. You're constantly busy looking after them, tired, and basically have a ready made excuse not to make the effort...I ended up joining the local NCT group in a desperate attempt to make friends...it was so, so, painful!

Mountainmonkey - a massive and delicious box of luxury chocs is yours to delve into once you've made those calls

It's strange because I'm only socially inept in one language! I suppose I heard a lot of social niceties modelled in the other so always have an 'appropriate phrase' in my phrase bank. I try so hard to learn the social skills I don't have but I don't know where to get them from! I do buy into the 'it comes naturally in childhood' theory.

Retaining info is something I struggle with and not knowing what is appropriate to say/ask about when you do know something. I don't want to put my foot in it but I fear I just end up looking rude. Must cultivate AF's aloof approach.

Re: face blindness and teaching I make them sit according to a seating plan so I can pick on them in class and I try to match names to voices. It's horrible the first time meeting someone though as I can't immediately associate their names and their voice unless they say it IYSWIM - 'this is X' doesn't work. It needs to be 'I'm X'.

Have you made those calls yet mountainmonkey? Much sympathy for phone fear.

Do you think many people act "as if" they are confident in social situations when inside they are quaking in their shoes? (hmm)

errrmmm...I'll do it tomorrow...no really, I will!

morning everyone!
hope you don't mind that i went away (i had to go home) and have come back again.

last night we went to a house to talk about wedding cake. the lady is the wife of a workmate of DF's.

i knew she was from sri lanka, and i went there years ago to my friend's wedding. i was really excited about meeting someone from sri lanka, as i learned a couple of useful phrases, and i wanted to say them to her (nothing exciting, just good morning and my name is...)
when i got home from work, i went upstairs to check my phrases (i'd even told DF that i was going to talk in singelese to her). then i decided that i couldn't do it, and put it out of my mind.
i couldn't even bring myself to tell her that i'd been.
i mentioned it in the end because she told us that they had married in sri lanka (i assumed they'd married here), so i saked her if she'd ridden on an elephant in the ceremony. i got a blank look. so then i wished i hadn't said anything, but had to explain that my friend had ridden an elephant in their ceremony. then she asked if they'd married in sri lanka.
i felt like such a nob, that i'd been so excited about her being from sri lanka and having loads to talk about (ice-breaking etc) and then i backed out at the last minute and sat there feeling like i had nothing to talk about.
couldn't even make small talk.

Sorry but I have to hijack for a moment:

LeQueen I know we are not all Heston Blumenthal, but you have seriously never even cooked a CHICKEN?

I'll tell you how - you put it in a tray, open the oven, slide it in, and then take it out about and hour and half later.

can we please not talk about killing and eating chickens?
i've got a poorly pet hen in my room upstairs and she might get upset.

Thanks for this thread, ladies.
I am just a misfit, plain and simple; it explains alot anyway and justifies so many recommendations for solitude. That sounds pathetic and sad, but the truth is that I've come to rejoice in solitude. I like myself, anyway.

I was emotionally neglected as a child and was never taught 'conversation' or how to have or be a friend.

The self-analysis: check. Even if I come away from an interaction thinking "WooHoo, that went well" then 15 or 20 min later it will dawn on me that I embarrassed myself again and didn't even know it (in the moment).

Hate, I mean HATE gossip: check. This kills so many conversational participation opportunities that I have to wonder if everyone is mean (gossip can't be good can it?)...so I'm better off without doing that dance in the long run. I have caught myself defending those spoken against. I don't know why. Just trying to find something good? ((No, it's because I was treated like I was invisible and I do not like to do that to others so I offer justifications.) Am I a Pollyanna? A simpleton Pollyanna!

nickelbabe It's worse when you had higher than usual expectations then it all goes wrong and you blame yourself - but colleague's wife could have been more helpful herself. Clearly your friend didn't get married in Blighty - elephant riding not really being typical in UK weddings. Maybe colleague's wife ended up feeling a prat and wanting to kick herself. You never know...

LeQueen, I ask people questions like where did you get your child's outfit? You get a nice conversation about that, then they turn away and start talking to their friends, and you're left alone thinking Now what?

Don't worry toomanystuffedbears there is no "special table" at this party.

nickelbabe I feel for you. I have had similar situations and it is frustrating when you are doing what you think is the sensible thing - ie prepare a little, and think about ice-breakes - and that feels like it has "gone wrong" as much as winging it does. But it is very interesting that a number of people are saying that others would see them as very confident and sociable, while they themselves don't feel it, which makes me think that a lot of people must be having the same cringey thoughts as me, and are just better at hiding it!

mountainmonkey ok tomorrow, but these chocolates won't last long around me!

LeQueen - thanks for the good advice re. planning ahead. I do sometimes practice and prepare some questions ahead and I am beginning to get better at asking them and have actually had some success at conversation that way.

But as LaserWidow mentions sometimes you get a conversation started and then there is no follow up i.e. they don't ask you any questions in return and you're either left there asking more and more questions or the whole conversation grinds to a halt. How can you keep it going and get to the point where you actually find you have something in common with people. I really feel like I am not moving to the next level here.

toomanystuffedbear - you sound like you fit right in to me. I think we are all at the special table socially speaking.

nickelbabe - hope your hen gets better soon.

laserwidow i think it was mainly because the elephant riding thing was only used in tourist weddings - she didn't have one in her wedding, so i think i confused her slightly!

i have to say, though, i got the impression she was quite out-of-place herself - seemed to do the trick i manage of giggling too much - once we'd been there for a while, we both felt more at ease.

LeQueen, could i take you up on your offer and ask you to come to my shop and ring my customer orders through?

thanks

Some people just have a natural gift with people, don't they?

I have a friend like this. People just seem to warm to her. We met up for a day out recently and we were shopping, discussing where to go for lunch so she asked the girl at the checkout. You could just see the girl open up, they chatted, laughed etc and we got the name of a place that turned out to be great.

If I had asked I'm sure the girl would have shrugged and said there were loads of places around.

Pity my friend lives abroad 10 months of the year.

Sorry. My last post comes across as the answer to a question nobody asked A lot of my conversations seem to go like that.

It was something I was thinking about earlier but didn't get a chance to post.

[retreats meekly]

Ohhh but cooking is wonderful. It's about the one thing I could talk about to people, but then they'll end up inviting me to dinner or wanting to come to dinner and I just can't do that.

Dinner parties are torture and we have to have lots I'm always ill after them.

But actual cooking is great!

I might go make some dark ginger and lime chocolates now... mountainmonkey may have some if she makes her phone calls tomorrow.

nickel it sounds like you were relaxing and could have had a conversation towards the end. Maybe next time you see her you'll have something to talk about?

about the poorly hen. We had pet hens as a child and consequently I can't eat them either!

I think LeQueen makes a good point there.
Lots of mums seem to have time to hang around our playground, but they loiter in groups, so you stick out like a sore thumb if you're there on your own.
I find it such a relief now that my youngest is 9 and is quite happy for me to leave him playing.
But it's hard to start that breaking in thing when you're new to the school, as DS was this time last year; although I think I've been lucky to have landed in a small village school where one mum in particular (who seems like a head girl type) has asked me to a barbeque and to join her book club (get me with a social life!)
That aside, I've realised I'm starting to feel like TMSB; solitude is no longer as painful as it was, which conversely seems to make me slightly more relaxed in company.
One thing I can recommend is joining a choir; after going to mine for a good six years, I now feel like friends with the other women who go - although I rarely see them outside of the choir situation, and have at times felt upset that none of them would ring to meet just with me, although in my saner moments I do appreciate that people have busy lives.