I dont suppose any of you would like to join the socially awkward society I am going to start?

[MumofTrioTrioIwanaTrioIwant1NW]

free membership Or is it just me?

Am annoyed at myself for being socially awkward (several instances today in company),

I do try thats the annoying thing I just dont seem to be able to be anything else! pah!

Please come cheer me up somehow

EAP - Yup I do the analysis thing too. Did mention it earlier on the thread but don't think anyone heard me, or were just ignoring me - sob it's just like my real life!!

Would be interested to know if anyone's had any kind of therapy for this kind of social anxiety 'cos like BitsandBobs I'm beginning think it's really affecting my life and I would like to just get over it now.

Also are there any books out there that would help, that teach you what to say/do in different situations, for example?

Nickelbabe, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to make anyone dread their own impending nuptials!
I think as has been said, try and confide in a good friend/head bridesmaid type who'll help you feel at ease.
Half my problem was having my DSis who I thought would look after my interests and cousin I hardly knew as bridesmaids - too socially inept to ask the few (well one) close friends I had.
Ended up getting ready by myself while they went shopping and they hardly spoke to me the rest of the day.
Have realised in the nine years since she stopped talking to me that my sis doesn't like me .
I'm sure you'll be sensible and mature enough to avoid that situation.
And no one has ever gone to a wedding and thought the bride looked rubbish - don't let thought enter your head.

aw, hairymelons - that's lovely!

by the time i'd recovered from the rude man, I'd started to be negative about everything, stating poverty and lack of support etc.
probably dug my hole even deeper, but i guess that's the problem with being socially awkward - it takes me ages to get the courage to talk, then wheb i do, i can't be silenced! and usually talking drivel.

i like the blushing advice.

Edgar - I've not got children, but i know that living with my ex did nothing for my self-esteem.

WhatsWrong - don't worrry, i was worried anyway! i don't like to draw attention to myself! and i blush when i talk to someone i don't know very well, or in front of many people. it's not pretty.

Chihiro, I've read a couple of books on social anxiety, and although I found it quite painful to read them at the time, as they made me see a picture of myself I'd never acknowledged before, they did help a bit, if only because I realised there's far worse things I could be than shy.
I'll try and dig out the titles.

I've also thought about hypnosis - wouldn't it be nice to be put into a trance and wake up as one of the cool kids?

I must say, I'm finding this thread really quite cathartic; I don't post that often and when I do I'm usually feel the same as in rl - thinking about the picture I present and constantly editing myself until it all comes out as rather dull and flat, or heightened with over-the-top hilarity.

Cake? Is it all gone??
whatswrongwithyou That's sad about having to get ready by yourself.

p.s i don't mean sad as in 'oh my you loser', i mean as in upsetting.
Just in case i offended you.

Loving the hypnosis idea - guessing it's not available on the NHS. It is definitely good to know there are so many people on this thread who feel the same as I do.

I'm beginning to think that Socialising and the Art of Conversation should be taught in schools!

Interested to see there are other blushers out there.

I am at times a chronic blusher. It is the worst feeling when someone calls attention to it too, like that's going to make me feel better.

When I feel stressed in a social situation I get this patchy red rash down my neck and up the sides of my face. It looks awful and as soon as I become aware of it, it makes me more self conscious and that in turn makes the redness worse.

I talked to the doctor about it years ago and she suggested Beta blocker medications which seemed a bit extreme to me so I chose the route of avoiding social situations that make me uncomfortble.

I am nearly 36 and can still 'throw a reddner' as my younger siblings call it

I've only read the first page so far, but wanted to say hello, as I recognise so much of myself here. Have suffered from social anxiety/shyness/low self-esteem my whole life, and sometimes think I will ever beat it.

It's got better since we moved abroad 5 years ago and I absolutely had to meet people, or else curse myself and my sons to a miserable hermit life, but I still know I'm faking it.

I used to be the one standing in the corner grinning like an idiot, but now I'm quite often the one with verbal diarrhoea, who talks such incomprehensible gibberish, with a scary fixed smile that actually makes my face hurt, and makes the other person back off sharpish.

Today was a classic example. Ds1 (7) had inline skating club after school and they had a small party as it was the last session. I stood by myself hovering over ds2 (2) avoiding eye contact with anyone, until one of the attractive young coaches came over to say hello. I then started rabbitting on about god knows what - one of the highlights was on the subject of ds1's appetite. I meant to say he eats well and likes his food - I actually said "I've never met anyone who eats as much as that kid; I'm surprised he's not really fat!", in such a loud voice I think the whole playground heard me. I certainly got a few looks, and the coach moved on very quickly. It's like my brain completely disengages. I never say 'kid', and I don't like saying fat as an insult, but I just couldn't stop. It's like I just have to fill the silence.

So, anyone want to be my friend?

I'm also a blusher. I am actually shocked to know that other people suffer with it too. Not just when actually embarrassed but just talking to people. And yeah, suiledonne, there's generally someone around to say "Oh, you've gone bright red!!" Just in case I ahdn't noticed, and of course making it worse.

Have only recently become aware of how bad this actually is, and since realising its a problem, its got worse IYSWIM.

Was thinking about visiting doctor, but don't really fancy the idea of beta blockers!

Just popped in to see how you are all doing. Everyone joining in nicely? No wallflowers? No-one being talked over? Shoulders back, head up, look them in the eye. Don't mumble.

Jolly Good. Keep it up. I'll be back to check on you later.

Come and join in Dunbreedin

< hands DB a piece of cake but breezes on past without engaging as DB Looks Nice and anyone who Looks Nice wouldn't want to Be Friends anyway >

Re. the blushing

I think it is true, there is a minor op you can have that cuts nerves/destroys blood vessels to your face (similar I guess to that op to stp you sweating excessively)

It is being done on the NHS for people whose social blushing is ruining their lives

I blush a lot, especially if I am caught unawares. Say someone asks a question and the whole roomful of people's heads swivel my way...the stuff of nightmares, I tell ya

I am not too bad if I get to plan ahead or work out my response first (or even better...run away )

I was at a training course at work some years ago, with a mixture of my managers and team members that I was supervisor of.

The woman giving the course rather bitchily very kindly pointed out that since I blushed so much I should wear red rather than black to try and disguse it.

I was so embarrassed that a) she noticed and b) chose to point it out in front of everyone including my team members.

Is it not obvious that if you blush in public maybe you are not the most confident person and that is not the way to handle it.

Up to that point I had been contributing despite my awkwardness but clammed up after that. It was a long week.

Suile, I would have been very, very tempted to take that woman to one side after the event, away from onlookers and tell her how out-of-order she had been

What a cowbag

Funnily enough, although social situations make me shy...a one-on-one encounter like this, that I instigated, would not be a problem for me

Because I know that a bully like this would shit themselves if you confront them when they don't have an audience

Glad the party is still in full swing. Is it too early for a glass of wine?

Chihiro - we had a good discussion about over analysing social events after the event further up the page. So we didn't ignore your point. I definitely do it far too much.

AF - I couldn't do that - the one on one thing. I find social situations bad enough, but to give someone a bollocking, I just couldn't do it. I think that takes real confidence.

AF She was just so fakey, nicey that I'm sure she would have made me feel bad about confronting her. I'm sure she is that self deluded sort who thought she was doing me a big favour.

I had really overcome a lot of my shyness in that job and was promoted to supervisor after a lot of hard work and then for her to embarrass me in front of my team was so awful.

Oh God, the thought of one on one confrontation makes me weep! I never know what to say, usually get angry and then I start to cry. I cry when angry, so it's best for me to avoid all confrontation ever.

One of the things that I do to when meeting new people is to be on the look out for people on their own. It's much easier striking up a conversation with someone who you think is a bit shy, rather than trying to join an already established group in conversation.

Basically, if you're shy, look out for other shy people and befriend them.

Thats terrible suiledonne. The worst thing is for someone to pick up on it, esp in such a nasty way.

This might sound stupid, but can anyone give me tips on how to talk to other mums? I want to go to a baby group because i don't know any other mums but im too nervous.
My dd is only 7 weeks and i think more experinced mums might think im silly and naive

Oh, and suiledonne - what a fucking bitch. Some people prey on others like this and they're just bullies.

My mum's sound advice is to imagine that the only thing to explain such appalling behaviour is that they have a terrible disease of the bum which gives them such pain that they have to take it out on others. You know its not true but it's fun imagining it.

Maybe I am a bit odd then...but bollocking someone (without an audience, though, definitley) is something I am OK with

I am quite old though, and have had lots of experience dealing with teenage dd and also in my job

Perhaps age helps along the way too

Thanks everyone. It was years ago but it still annoys me. Silly really.

hotsprocket I started going to mother and toddler group when dd1 was very small. She was tiny and cute so attracted attention and then I just tried to smile and be polite to whoever came over.

It took a while for me to feel a bit more confident but the other mums were always quite friendly at my group and I take dd2 now too. There weren't many first time mums at my group to begin with and I did feel a bit at a loss for a while but getting out of the house and meeting other adults is a good thing is you are a SAHM.

Hotsprocket - this is how my friend, who could befriend a brick wall, does it.

1. Compliment them on their child(ren) - a particular feature - hair / eyes / smile, etc.

2. Ask how old child is.

3. Ask age appropriate question about said child - sleeping / teething / solids / walking / potty training / tantrums.

4. Say something in return about her own child's experience if older, or not looking forward to / looking forward to that if younger. Or something she struggled with / enjoyed.

Voila - conversation started. It's harder in practice if you're shy, no doubt, but it does work.

I worried about this loads in my twenties. I'm crap at the whole meeting people thing and tried to analyse exactly what I was doing wrong very scientifically.

I came to the conclusion that I'm hopeless at remembering faces and therefore am a bit vacant when people I have met before come and say hello, and my other problem is that I hate gossip. I always have. It just seemed like every conversation involved slagging someone off. I tried sticking up for them but that resulted in social death so in the end I decided I was right, they were wrong and gave up worrying about it.

Now I worry about DS making friends instead