Cote, I have thought long and hard about your situation and confess that it has caused me some pain too, because I would have given anything for the chance to rumble my H's first meeting with OW, prior to it happening.
I know that if I had, he would have behaved rather like yours - denied that he would have gone through with it - and unless I had seen the content of texts, might even have claimed that it was just a friendly meeting with an old colleague. But he also knows me better than that and he knows that I wouldn't have accepted it for a minute. I would have had to shake him out of his denial and my approach would have been "we cannot move on from this until you admit what this was really about".
I think if I still hadn't been able to get him to admit the truth, I would at that point have taken us to a third party like a counsellor to flush it out.
Really, only when the truth is out there and faced up to, that he was flattered by the attention and in all likelihood, would have gone ahead with infidelity, can you properly move on. But I think sometimes with these things, the person the H is lying to most is himself, bargaining with himself that he really wouldn't have been capable of sexual infidelity, when in fact he would have gone right ahead.
My H and I have often had conversations about what he would have told himself - and me - had I found out what was going on at various stages, before he met the OW. My H admits that right up to the point of having sex with OW, he was telling himself that he could call this off at any time and it might not happen. And although this might sound bizarre, he has often said that if OW had called it off herself, there would have been a bit of relief mixed in with the disappointment. It all depends what was driving the emotional affair aspect of this - if it is the ego-stroking and adoration, that need can be catered for quite well without sex being involved.
What I can tell you though is that your marriage stands a much better chance from this point onwards than if sexual infidelity had occurred. But a lack of proper honesty and trust will be pernicious to your relationship and it would have been an absolute condition of mine that we had that, for me to forgive. You see, you still have a lot to forgive Cote, even what is in the open domain.
Just as an aside, do you feel you have to have a tough exterior with him and not show your vulnerability to him? Does he realise how hurt you really are about this?
The reason I ask this, is because it sounds as though your conversation was rooted in you in parent mode, to his child mode. The tone is all about controlling his future movements, and less about "You have hurt me very deeply and I am feeling very insecure" which might produce a better, more honest result.