me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

just back from meeting, feeling really good, AA seems to have a very settlling effect on me i feel like i am really fitting in there!

anyway, am off to have the car cleaned and get a bit of shopping in for the weekend

i don't feel like a drink at all today

btw - got cup cake from one of those lovely little chi-chi cup cake shops - god knows how they will survive when the trend ends!

had a good afternoon, no booze - am now about to take photos of dd and date off to prom, she looks so stunning, god knows where she got her height from, she is about 5in taller than me + she has 5in heels on! i have never looked so elegant[green]

be back after dinner wiht friends!

< god knows how they will survive when the trend ends! >

They'll be doing macaroons

Hi there. Was wondering if I could join in on your thread JWN. I have been reading the thread & have been really inspired by you hun.

I had my last drink on Weds & went to my first AA meeting last night (went to 2nd one tonight) At the moment my head is pretty pickled with all the information overload & I think I'm still in denial to be honest. I am different/I'm not as bad as him or her/things will be different "this time". Sadly I've been saying this for years & for a while (maybe weeks or months) I think I've "cracked it", I'll let my guard down & before I know it I'm waking up after a blackout with absolutely no idea what I've said or done. On a day to day basis, I probably drink (or drunk) maybe 4 double brandys a night. At the weekend it will be considerably more. I find it VERY hard to have a "night off" & when I do, I'm almost wishing the time away till my next drink. My mind constantly goes around in circles about how I can persuade my hubby to pick up another bottle of brandy or wine. My problem is I don't know when to stop & I normally stop when the drink runs out or I pass out.

Would really love to see how you get on hun cos you sound so upbeat. I'm struggling with it at the moment but I've only been off the drink for a couple of days. Infact, today I felt so awful (almost like a hangover) so I assume thats my body getting rid of all the shite out of my system.

Anyway, much love to you all.

Corinna xx

Superb progress JWN, practically another week under your belt!

multiplemummy, I'm sure you are more than welcome here, a huge congratulations to you for taking the decision to take charge of your life.

As Miflaw said earlier in the thread, don't ever say 'I've only been sober a couple of days'

It's a huge achievement and infinitely better than the alternative!!!!

You should be proud of yourself for each hour, for each day. WE're all proud of you! You'll get there, but you won't get there without taking the first step, the first decision NOT to drink.

A huge WOOO HOO for you multiplemummy! well done!!

hi, just checking in before bed, had a really nice evening, lovely food, a good laugh AND I HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK!!

its been a good day!

mulitplemummy, stick around! miflaw will hopfully be along later with some pearls of wisdom for us - do read everything he says, its fantastic help, have a look at the links he gave me a couple of days ago, i have printed them out so that i can pick up and read whenever i feel the need - you sound like i felt 10 days ago, try and stick it - i cant tell you what a differance those 10 days have made to my life, i honestly feel like i am regaining the person that was once me. i would also say try and go to as many AA meetings that you can fit in, i know everyone is differant but i have found some kind of inner strength and peace just by listening to the people there.
i'm sure you are exhuasted, i know i am, actually dealing with everyday life while sober is quite hard, any decision i make is now 'my own', not dictated by the booze, so nothing to blame but my self if anything goes tits-up

i am not drinking a day at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time - you have 2 days under your belt, its a bloody good start in my book, well done, i know how hard you are trying

Your daily WHOOOO! from me, jwn

Corinna, three days & two meetings is bloody brilliant. Well done Try to keep in mind you've done a Friday and Saturday night - lots of people don't make it through their first weekend! Five gold stars, missus. Here's wishing you well for your next one day.

They must have reminded the meeting to look for the similarities, not the differences. This does get a heck of a lot more obvious after you've been to a few. That said, each meeting has its own style - if there are others that you can get to, maybe try a few out? Some people form travelling AA groups: a car-full of them visit meetings in different parts of the country!

Try a mega-multi vitamin B Complex supplement for your hangover, and load up on slow-burn (low GI) carbs. Helps your poor ole body get itself back in sync

MIFLAW, if you're around, could you please pop over to this thread? Thanks.

well, just had a quick chance to log on, have had a house full of over excited teenagers, they all had a really great time

today my plan is to spruce up the house, do some washing and then dh and i are going for a browse araound a couple of antique shops i like, then for an early dinner some where nice ( i can see straight through him , he wants to go to the pub with the fellas tonight to watch the football and he is worried i will get the hump , no way! - i'v got a secret stash of chocolate and pride and prejudice on dvd, so, a wet colin firth or a football match, ohh decisions, decisions )

how you doin' multiplemummy - i will back a bit later if you are around this evening!

MY INTENTION TODAY IS NOT TO DRINK!

(i like to put that in capitals, seems to reinforce the sentence as i type it iyswim.

many thanks as always to the cheer squad, i think everyone should have one!

Hi there!

I'm okay today thanks) My grandparents are visiting from Scotland tomorrow & are coming over tomorrow night for a take-away, etc. My Gran doesn't really drink but my Gramps, bless him, is a typical Scotsman & loves his whiskey! I'm worried about it really cos I think its gonna be hard. I'm gonna make sure I get to a meeting tomorrow before they come over cos this should help me deal with tomorrow night better.

Hubby has just bought me one of those Tassimo coffee makers so instead of wine or brandy & getting sloshed in the corner, I'm gonna be drinking lattes, cappucino's & hot chocolates! Yum!!!! )

I'm still struggling with the thought that I'm not going to have a drink for the rest of my life. Thats pretty huge & I'm struggling. I know you have to take it a day at a time but at the moment, I'm still looking at the "bigger picture" when I really shouldn't.

Your doing amazing though hun. I must say actually, the reason how I found this thread was a reccomendation by another lady on a bulletin board that I've been a regular on for years. I posted something pretty similar to yours hun & Kath (one of the ladies) sent me the link to this thread saying that theres a lady that is really inspiring. You see!! Your famous all over the BB's hun!!!

Enjoy Colin Firth tonight hun. I love him. He's the only man that would make me SERIOUSLY consider eloping!!! Phwoar!!

xx

Hey BB buddy,and JWN.
Last day of hols today. Am gonna have a minor burn out tonight but after tonight I will be sober!!!! I also struggle with the 'forever' idea tho.

Well done so far girls!!!

Kath.x.

good evening (she says though a mouthful of chocolate )

dh has gone out to the pub, i really don't mind, he did ask if i would like to go but even though i don't want to drink, i think that sitting in a pub, surrounded by boozed footy fans could push me over the edge!

well, MM, you've worried me now!, i wonder if fame will go to my head? - anyway, today has been ok, we went to a very nice restaurant for dinner and i managed to not drink, just had tonic water, i now ask for a large slimline tonic with ice and lime, it tastes very refreshing and tbh, i haven't missed having gin in it. i am nearly 2 weeks sober and it has been an emotional rollercoaster, i have felt on top the world at times, also i have been in the pits of dispair - i never never want to put my family through the dreadful pain i have given them again.

this house has begun to feel 'normal' as i walk into it, no atmosphere or tension, just calm, welcomming and peaceful - before, dh and dd could never be quite sure what mood i might be in, party drunk, angry drunk, morose drunk or even passed out drunk.

i too find the thought of not drinking for the rest of my life both terrifying and VERY daunting, so, every time that thought enters my head i actually pysically shake it and move the thought on!, i dont know if i will ever drink again, i just know that i'm not drinking today, that seems to me to be an achieveble goal and does not feel so incredibly hard.

so, on with this evening, i have got myself a couple of magazines and a box of thorntons chocs, do you know they are half price at the mo, cheaper than a bottle of brandy!

i don't feel the urge to drink tonight, infact, im off to make a cup of tea, be back in a bit

You really are an inspiration JWN!

Honestly!! I think sometimes it takes someone like you who has the balls to publicize(even if only on here)their story, for others to realize their own similarities, and it's good to have a club to join too!!

Multplemummy and I(altho we dont know each other in real life) had decided that we both had a problem and that we needed to rectify it by major life changes. Your initial post was crying out to me and I had to share with her.

I am on holiday until tomorrow and thought I would be dry after that, but in fact have had a couple of glasses tonight, and now that is it!!!

And I so mean it!!

Watch this space. Last time I stopped drinking I lost a stone in 3 weeks! This time I have about 3 stone to lose so that can only be an added bonus!!!!

hi MM, i'm not sure about having balls, i simply got to a point of no return, my dh was about to leave me, my dd was desperatly unhappy and my life was in freefall - over the years i made every excuse possible to drink, yeah, 2 ex husbands, financial problems, whatever! - then life got better but still i drank, i was happy so bought champagne, trouble is, it all caught up with me, i know that my liver hurt after a really good session but i could lie to myself about that for gods sake and STILL go back for more
how mad is that?

only 12 days of being sober, and it it is all becoming clear - i drink because i'm an alcoholic, not because it is socialble or pleasant, i cant drink like other people, i always take it to extremes

anyway - have come through another day without a drink, it has been a good day, my dh and i actually strolled hand-in-hand through the park to the shops, chatted over dinner about ordinary stuff and generally just felt contented and happy to be together

tomorrow, if the weather is up to it we are pottering in the garden and tidying the summer house. i have decided this evening that i'm going to invite all my girlfriends for an afternoon tea party soon, do all the garden kath kidstonesque, with old china and bunting and cucumber sandwiches and generally horribly twee. i think it is imprtant to have something to look forward to and it is also nice to do things for other people sometimes - saying that, i will make some cakes for AA on monday, they seem to go down a storm, especially with the older guys who live alone, maybe homemade cakes are a bit of a treat.

i have lost a little more weight in the last few days, my clothes are definatly less sung , long may it continue, my skin also looks soooo much nicer, i'm losing redness in my face and my pores appear smaller (blimey, that makes me sound a right old hag, i'm really not, but i was heading down that road )

am off to bed now, dh will no doubt be back soon, i may well feign sleep so that i don't get a blow by blow account of the match .

see you tomorrow.

JWN,
I have drafted several messages to post and delete them all because I am not sure what to say. But would not like to let it pass one day more without telling you that I am part of your cheer squad.

When you speak about your days and things you are doing with your family/garden/the new group in AA, it makes me realise that it is much more than sobering up. You are providing a lot of content to your life. That is a great model to follow for many, alcoholic or not.

Have a fantastic Sunday! Although it seems that you already have a fantastic plan

good morning and thank you camaleon - i guess i do try and fill my day, keeping busy is a way of helping me not to drink, iyswim?

sunday is always a bit of a trigger with me, a day of relaxation should include getting pissed right! so, today i am gardening, cooking (we are all in for dinner including dds boyfriend)

AND I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY!

i am going into the office tomorrow for a meeting so i will need to prepare for that before i go to bed.

today is day 13 of my sobriety

well done jesuswhatnext you are inspirational. One of my parents was an alcoholic, if you knew how uplifting it is to hear you talk about your new days with dh and dd. Fantastic

right, am logging on as i just had a 'wobble', dh and i been gardening, he went and got a beer and me a juice - for a few minutes i silently fumed that i coudn't have a beer, then i got the right old hump, slammed about for a few minutes and put the fucking kettle on!, i didn't want tea, i wanted wine

dh could see me struggling, gave me a hug and told me to look in the mirror, there was a 'good me' looking back, fresh faced and clear eyed, once i got rid of the cats bum mouth i looked quite nice

SO, BACK TO IT, I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY!

see you later!

i meant to say that i did not have a drink, even though i wanted one!

Nice one
Congratulations on your reflection! (ooh, wordplay, geddit? )

hi all, well, have managed another sunday apart from my wobble earler on, it has been a good day, got loads done, the garden is coming on a treat, its a shame the lupins are going over, they have been spectacular this year.

dd and bf have had dinner with us and now gone out, i'm off for a bath in a mo, then do my nails, (i'm sorry, i'm sure you all are bored to death with the everyday routine i describe, it is just useful for me to be able to go back over my posts to see how things are moving forward)

my original post was two weeks tomorrow, it feels like an absolute lifetime ago, so much has happened. i do feel kind of re-awakened, iyswim, i almost feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, i think it must be something to do with the end of pretending i was ok, coping, functioning.

i still feel very tired, i think looking at myself and what i was becoming, truthfully, not kidding myself anymore, has taken it out of me, its strange though, i have loads of energy as well, its a very odd feeling (maybe its just a normal feeling, maybe this is how it is to be a non-drinker iyswim?)

anyway, i think that is quite deep enough for one evening, i hope everyone else has had a good day?

off for my bath, be back later

right, and bathed and nails done, the house looks nice, the cats are fed, dh is snoring in his chair and i'm off to bed to read the sunday paper.

tomorrow i am going to AA, going in work for a meeting and then going to yoga, am looking forward to it

dd has an exam on tuesday so i think i will cook fish for tea, my contribution to her brain power

goodnight all!

oh fucking hell, i had to come back , i just read the 'sally' page in the sunday times style magazine, it made me cry it really made me realise just what i have to do! i never ever want my dd to feel so alone

JWN, well done on getting through your 'wobble', that can't have been easy...but you did it! That is great!

You are doing so well.

good morning, just checking in before i get on with the day, i am off to AA at lunch time, actually looking forward to it, the room has such a nice safe atmosphere it is uplifting just to go in

the window cleaners are here as we speak and i have no cash in the house and i have left the cheque book in my desk drawer, so the day is starting in a very normal fashion

dd has called to say she is revising at bf house today hey ho!

anyway, must go and see if i can find 20 quid in loose change for the window cleaner, wont he be pleased