me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

btw -

MY INTENTION IS NOT TO DRINK TODAY!

Hello, I've only lurked so far but a massive well done on what you've achieved so far. Keep it up JWN! FWIW I think if your DH wants to support you he shouldn't be drinking alcohol in front of you whilst you have juice - he should be having a soft drink too! JMO.

Hope today is another good day

Hi JWN,

I've been reading your thread with interest over the last 2 weeks and just wanted to add my congratulations. I think you are doing so well and are definitely an inspiration!!

If you don't mind me asking, how regularly/how much did you used to drink? I'm just asking as I have a friend who seems to be in a similar situation and I think it would be useful for her to read your thread and make a comparison IYSWIM.

Hi JWN, hope your windows bill is for a few weeks. If not you must live in a bloody hotel with lots of windows!!!!
I think its great that you managed to get thru it, paticularly as yur DH had a drink!!

I am back from holidy now. Kids at school. Washing in. Didn't have a drink last night, andwon't tonight either. I KNOW I can do this.

Am a bit concerned about Multiplemummy. Not 'seen' her for a few days

hi, just finished icing my cakes for AA - i don't mind dh drinking in front of me, tbh, it really makes no differance, if i want a drink, i will just go and get one, poor dd tipped quite alot of booze down the sink 2 weeks ago, but as i said to her - if i want a drink, i can just go to the shop and get one, not having it in the house will not stop me drinking if i'm set on it

i was drinking at least a bottle and a half of wine, monday to friday, (thats not counting what i drank while out on business!) considerably more at weekends - i have never really been into spirits though, i did have the odd gin, but of course, what we have to remember is that a 'home' measure is much more than a standard pub measure - i could often find a reason to drink tia maria/baileys or amertto in the evening - i drank everyday without fail

this is the first time that i have acknowledged my alcohol intake honestly - i have known for a long time that it was a problem, i just refused to face it, i thought i was doing ok and no one was really noticing, how bloody daft can one person get?

anyway, must be off, walking to AA is also doing wonders for my figure - i feel pretty good today, and the postman just said i looked a bit glam for a monday morning (no, i did'nt pay him to say it!)

Well done!It is good to hear a positive view of AA as there are a lot of people who don't get it!My dp gave up drinking 18 yrs ago with their help aswell as his own belief and he hasn't looked back.We have a great fun life and it was the making of him in every way You couldn't meet a happier person and I wish this for you xx

well done melvyn, it would be great to support each other!

no, the only person who thinks this is a hotel is dd! i do have a lot of windows though!

be back later, must go or i will be late.

Happy 2 Weeks today JWN! Well done for getting through that wobble!!! That must have been hard, was it your first major wobble?

Glad DH was so supportive of you, we can all see how much he loves you and wants this to work!

Thinking of you as ever!

Good for you MelvynMummy! well done!!!!

just checking in - am off to yoga in a mo, am at work right now so must be quick

meeting today was good, very settling for me and am glad i went, a new lady came today - GET THIS, her husband will not LET HER come to AA!!! she sneaked in while he was visting someone! FUCKING HELL!!! there are some weirdos in this world! - i gave her my number and said call any time makes me realise just how lucky i am. christ knows how i would cope without dh and the support he gives me.

be back later, am off to learn how to meditate

You have done so well, be proud!

That is really awful though about her H not letting her. Maybe he is an alcoholic too and threatened by her trying to stop.

You sound like you have a lovely H and DD and I'm sure they can see how hard this is for you but how you're so brave to be sticking to it.

Well done youx

Very likely, loves2walk. Or maybe he likes her being an alcoholic because he can get away with more when she's incapable. I remember FIL used to pour MIL a huge glass of whisky when she came in from work, then having given it a little time to go down, started in on the EA, gradually reducing her to tears. She'd have been better able to keep her cool on a cup of tea.

Hi all.

I'm still here-just finding it extremely difficult at the moment so thought I'd keep my head down for a few days. JWN is doing so amazingly well & I didn't want to put a dampner on the board with my tales of woe.

Been to AA everyday since I became sober last Tues & sometimes its really inspiring & being there most definately helps. As I still think I'm in a bit of denial, sometimes I come out of meetings even more confused that when I went in. I'll listen to people "share" & I'll think "well I'm not as bad as him/her" so my mind starts telling me that I don't have a problem. Yesterday I was thinking "I'll just give myself one more chance" but I'm kidding myself. I've given myself a million chances already & its always ended up with me passing out on the settee pissed as a fart or saying/doing something stupid.

Anyway, thats where I'm up to. I know it'll get easier & I know I need to keep things to the "today" but I'm finding it so tough.

xx

multiplmummy - i do know just where you are coming from, the first few times i heard people share i sat thinking well, i don't seem that bad, what i have thought later though is that if i carry on as i am it most certainly WILL get that bad, i'm lucky, my rock bottom came before i was living in a hostel (or worse, nowhere) with no family, no job, no money, no self respect and no dignity - i have listened to people in the last few weeks in just that position and quite frankly, there but for the grace of god go i!

you are putting no dampner on to the thread - if i can help you to feel like i do right now please keep coming back - you are nearly a week sober, give yourself a break and do a twirl , i take it from your name that you have dcs, when you tuck them up tonight just look at them sleeping! they love you and they need you and you are doing the right thing for them, you know that deep down don't you! (i know you do lady, or you wouldn't be putting yourself through this would you?)

anyway, bring on the tales of woe if you wish too, a problem shared and all that btw, your mind telling you that you haven't got a problem is quite normal, so i'm told, i have had that thought too, my trick is to actually try and stop thinking for a bit - i try and move my thoughts on to the next job/activity etc that i want to do.

i know its hard, but if we keep on drinking, it only gets harder, just in a different way!

multiplemummy, a week? already! Well done love!

you can do this, it will get easier! proud of you!

hello hissy yes that was my first major wobble! am very proud of myself for not giving in!, day 14 is nearly over and i feel grrreat

tomorrow i am going to the office, then AA and going to see my mum, she has rung me today to say she is very proud of me, aren't humans a strange lot?, she has never before said she was proud of me, even when i passed exams, had dd, that sort of 'good' stuff, now, once i announce i'm an alkie all of a sudden shes proud of me

oh well, am off to bed in a minute, have fed everyone, dh has been to al-anon, says it was useful.

see you all in the morning - hope you have a good evening MM , hang on in there!

PS - HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK TODAY

Hello jesuswhatnext and multiplemummy - hope you don't mind me crashing in, but I've been lurking on your thread, and am so impressed with how well you're both doing.

I just wanted to say (as a very happy member of AA for two years) that I still have days when I think 'oh, I wasn't that bad' and in fact I didn't get to the rooms for years because I thought I wasn't 'a good enough drunk'. But someone very wise said to me that it's better to be inside the rooms wondering if you belong there, than outside, drinking and denying your doubts (or something - I'm sure MIFLAW can put me right). Anyway, I've never looked back and I certainly don't want to go back.

All the best to you both

good morning, am knackered, had a rotton nights sleep due to the fact i was a piggy with the chocolate, i stuffed about 6 of my favorite centres just before bed, then guess who had indigestion all bloody night? serves me right for hogging all the stawberry creams

anyway, i have got a busy day today, am off to the office this morning, AA at lunch time and then home to make a chicken pie for dinner.

dd has an english lit exam this morning, fingers crossed for her, i know she has worked hard for these exams, just hope the last few weeks haven't put her off kilter.

how are you MM? please let me know, was thinking of you during the night!

be back later

MY INTENTION TODAY IS NOT TO DRINK!

having a pretty good day, did a bit of a share today at meeting, that was my first time and i felt really nervous, but the lady who did the main share was amazing and i identified with her very much.

hope everyone is ok? the 2 MMs?

be back later

I am fine JWN, but have got ahouse full of kids to feed and a governors meeting to attend at school at 7pm, so will be on later.
So good to see you doing so well!

good evening - today has been fine, have not had a drink, haven't really thought about having one.

meeting today was very thought provoking, again, the selfish nature of the alcoholic was the main kind of thrust of the conversation, its incredible the lengths that we will go to to get our own way, to ignore the needs of the people around us and in fact just be the most self-centered arseholes you can imagine (alkies i mean, not you nice normal people )

i,m really trying to think about the first of the 12 steps, to admit that i had no control and my life was unmanagable - its a hard thing to admit, for many years i have thought of myself as strong, capable and self-reliant, to many degrees i think i still am, i have to admit that instead of asking for help when i needed it, i let things go to far and almost self-medicated - when things got tough i opened a bottle of wine.

dh has bought some leaflets home from al-anon, one of them describes how often, the alcoholic is emotionally immature, i am going to give that some thought as well, its true that i have no paitence, i want a cure overnight and for my family to suddenly turn into the waltons, i am impetuous, dramatic and occasionally downright stupid

anyway, enough navel-gazing for this evening , my poor addled brain can only think deep thoughts for a few minutes at a time!

tomorrow i am going for my spa day - woohoo!
i'm really looking forward to it, it will be lovely to have good gossip with sil, and i'm having a pedicure and an indian head massage!

we are having lunch there, but,
I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

This is just my advice and you are welcome to ignore it - but, though enthusiasm and earnestness are great (and essential) I would leave the steps alone for now and wait until you are a bit further away from a drink.

Note, for example, that you have twisted the first step. It does not say, our lives WERE unmanageable (i.e. in the past) - it says that our lives HAD BECOME unmanageable (i.e. are still unmanageable at the point of taking step one, and potentially for some time afterwards.)

Recovery is not a race and no medals or lollypops will be given out. Give time time and just get used to life without a drink so that, when you come to try to put it right, you know what's actually wrong with it.

I've got medals, MIFLAW - not that I deserve them currently

I'm still fiddling about with my drink 'problem'. Think I should go to AA anyway - there are 2 meetings here; they're only once a week; I'm constantly revisiting my steps and a meeting wouldn't hurt with that; there's no reason why not ... JWN, MMx2 &co, you're inspiring me!

You'd be unlikely to find me bringing fairy cakes, though. Your lot must love you, JWN

(We used to get lollipops at one of the London meetings, too, so there!!!)

True enough, Grace - I stand corrected.

but, joking aside, they're medals for sobriety rather than recovery, aren't they? I mean, I instinctively mistrust anyone who says "I've done the steps" (especially, "I've done the steps twice"!)because I don't believe anyone's EVER "done" the steps. I've had a go at all of them, but I haven't finished them and I never will.

Progress not perfection ...

Definitely agree about the cakes. I must find where this meeting is!