me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

[MIFLAW]

"i must keep repeating that the benefits sooo outweigh the the 'pleasure' of a glass of wine!" No - don't do that. Instead, remember what, in your case (not the people on the adverts or the people you see in beer gardens, but your case) the "pleasure" of a glass of wine constitutes. Maybe re-read your initial posting in this thread.

A phrase one used to hear in AA is "watch the film through to the end" i.e. when you imagine yourself having a drink, don't stop the daydream there - watch yourself having the second. And the third. And opening the next bottle. And your husband coming home. And the shouting. And the tears. And your child waking up. And the atmosphere the morning after.

If you're like me, the "pleasure" of a glass of wine is not outweighed by the benefits - it is non-existent and illusory. If I were you, THAT's what I would be focussing on remembering.

[jesuswhatnext]

miflaw, thats why i typed 'pleasure' with inverted commas, what i meant was, the pleasure for me is all gone, its destructive, is a misnoma, for me to call drinking a pleasure. thanks for the advice though, the daydream is a good way of looking at it!

i have had a good day, been to meeting, had a quick lunch with dd and had my hair done

had no drink

this evening i'm cooking a nice dinner for dh and i and going for a walk

my intention is not to drink today

[beesonmummyshead]

I have absolutely no experience of alcoholism, but I just want to say how utterly amazing you seem - you are focussed and committed and your "pleasure" must be getting your family back to some sort of normality.

It sems from your posts that you have amazing insight, almost like you can imagine how it would be in 5/10 years if you continued as you were on the track of alcoholism; and the fun and family life you have in the future if you continue the way you are doing.

Although I do't know ou, I am incredibly proud of your achievment.

[jesuswhatnext]

oh bees, what a lovely post, thanks so much - i dont know about insight, i just want to be 'normal' iyswim, i want to attend dds wedding one day, to look after grandchildren, go traveling with dh, you know what i mean, i see some poor souls in this town and frankly it is 'but for the grace of god go i'

i have a chance, i aim to go for it.

am off to bed soon, bloody knackered again.

had no drink today

ps - the guy who shared at the meeting today sounded just like richard burton, mmmmm lovely

[MIFLAW]

I know, I know - and I'm just being grumpy. But I think what I really wanted to stress is that it isn't about the one outweighing the other. One pleasure (being sober) is real and present and the other (drinking as an alcoholic) is not. Yet a lot of people, me included at one time, succumb to another drink after a while in AA because they still believe that, outwieghed or not, they have given up a "pleasure". It is a great boost to sobriety when you realise that there is nothing to give up.

But the bottom line is that you are doing fantastically well and should be very pleased and proud.

S

[ItsGraceAgain]

Just sending you another few * , jesus! Keep it up

I'm so glad you're liking the meetings. Even though I'm - er, lapsed I miss them. There aren't any round here (really, MIFLAW! It's rural & I haven't got a car) else I'd have gone back anyway. That kind of support is just lovely.

[MIFLAW]

Grace

A lot of people don't have cars when they start going to AA, because they're banned from driving! That was my situation and I was also, not exactly rural, but surrounded by ruralness.

I am sure that there are trains an/or buses. Failing that, you could ask another member to give you a lift and give him/her money for petrol.

How did you manage to get to the pub and the off-licence when your local was shut?

Do come back if it will help you.

[ItsGraceAgain]

Thank you, MIFLAW

I used to live in London. Access to anything was no problem. I am OK now, in my non-AA way. Haven't drunk any alcohol for 3 days, but probably will again soon. As posted elsewhere, I'm very lucky to have "got off the lift at a high floor" - and am bloody sure I won't be going down in it again!

I do miss the meetings, though.

[ItsGraceAgain]

Decided to elaborate on that a little bit, as you never know who might want to hear it. IF there were nice meetings available where I live, I'd go sober just for the sake of the social and support aspect of it.

Each meeting has its own style: in London, there was a massive choice, so there were 2 AA ones and an NA one where I felt most comfortable. So that was 3 meetings a week, which I genuinely looked forward to.

They're not like AA meetings on the telly.

[ItsGraceAgain]

What Maryz said, too, Jesus

And don't take me as an example!

[MIFLAW]

Sorry Grace, not really knocking you, I just think it's important to remember that one can usually get to a meeting if one wants.

We are very lucky in this country, even in the so-called "rural" bits. I was in France a couple of years ago and decided to go to a meeting. I was in Marseille, france's second city with a million inhabitants.

For French-speakers at least, the Marseille conurbation has five meetings a week.

To put that in perspective, Edinburgh and Bristol both have about 30 each (give or take) and even most villages have one within walking distance.

French alcoholics really have to want it!

Also to reiterate what someone else said re drinking - I took about a year of thinking I was cured and finding I wasn't before I came and stayed. I'm so glad I did!

[Butterpie]

Wow, out of curiousity I just looked on the AA website and found a weekly meeting at the end of my street! I will remember that and recommend it if any of my friends have trouble in future.

[scoutliam]

MIFLAW, can I just say that the advice and support you've given people on this thread has been outstanding, truly outstanding.

I know you're not looking for praise but your getting it anyway

Jesus keep up the good work!

[Jamiki]

I second what scoutliam said.

Am also joining the cheer squad. Well done JWN on your hard work so far and yes you are only human so

keep coming back!

[jesuswhatnext]

blimey, you lot are up late!

very useful comments though, yes i will keep coming back, even if i fall off the wagon - it could happen, i'm very aware of that i am just a human, and a flawed on at that, but then i think most of us are.

today i am having lunch with friends - i'm going to tell them that i'm on meds that i cant mix with drink. i will be telling them that i'm an alcoholic but not today, today is thier celebration and not a moment for me to drop bombshells, take the stage iyswim. i know that they are good people and when told will never do the 'just one won't hurt' thing

so, my intention today is not to drink, i will be following miflaws advice, which worked so well the other night, and taking the numbers i have been given and will nip of to the loo to make a call if i feel i need to. i will also be bearing in mind that dh will be joining us later and if i have had a drink i know he will be so let down.

on a really good note, dd spent the night at home, we chatted normally it was lovely.

dh has gone to his art course, so he will feel quite calm later (his job is very stressful)

before i go out i'm doing myself a bit of a make-over, so hopefully i will feel a bit glam and keep in mind that there is nothing glam or dignified about a women of my age to pissed to walk or talk!

[jesuswhatnext]

'woman' doh

[differentnameforthis]

SO pleased that your dd spent the night at home. Must feel wonderful.

Well done for all your effort. You are doing well.

[LittleMissHissyFit]

This is all so good to hear jwn!!

I second the massive pat on back for the awesome Miflaw too!

[jesuswhatnext]

hi, everything going well, have been at lunch party, which turned into evening, have drunk about a litre of cranberry juice, NO ALCOHOL and had a lovely time i offered to drive friends home, which meant making two runs, so i knew drinking was not an option.

am off to bed now - feel quite pleased with myself

goodnight all you lovely posters, don't stay up so late tonight!

[Klerka]

Well done for yesterday - so glad you had a lovely time! And you'l have a very healthy urinary tract with all that cranberry!

[jesuswhatnext]

tell me about klerka, last night reminded me of being pregnant, had to get up about 4 times for the loo!

anyway, i feel good today, however, sunday is usually a real booze fest for me, starts about 12.00 when i kid myself that 'i'm getting the dinner on' , so today, im going to keep really busy, i want to blitz the kitchen before we start painting and today i'm cooking a moussakka (sp) instead of my usual roast.

i will be calling one of my mumbers as well, to try and stay focused.

dh has said he is so proud of me for yesterday, i was there without him for quite some time amd he admitted to feeling a bit aprehensive as he walked in, in case i was pissed but i was sober (does a little twirl )

a couple of friends also asked if i had lost a little weight, always a boost!

anyway, will be back later, am finding this thread so useful, this time last week was my 'meltdown moment', i dont want to go back there!

[ItsGraceAgain]

Brilliant, you. It's so much easier to sober than pissed, isn't it?

Do have a glass of water or something (maybe not cranberry!!) on the go while you cook. No nned to break that habit as well, just change what's in it!

Moussaka ... haven't had that for years. Good thought, thanks!