me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

Well done Algee! That is HUGE: two days now. That really is something.

dd and I went swimming today, had ice cream afterwards in a lovely cafe and then she curled up in her buggy in a very serious sleepy position and was a little bit cross for a minute when I pulled her out to have her tea. There is nothing like the lovely sleepiness you get after a good swim. I'm seriously considering going to bed now, myself.

Indie - how exciting! Incredible times are ahead - and you will be able to remember everything.

JWN, hope CA didn't kill you. All that pink fluff must have felt pretty full on in this heat.

Welcome all newcomers.

ELEVEN DAYS!

Good night everyone

Hi again, hope everyone is well.

Algee - that is brilliant! I totally understand when you talk about feeling hard done by. I get flashes of that but it does get better. The whole thing gets better, honest!

Curry - sounds like you have had a really lovely day. 11 days, hurrah!

JWN - how was your day? I hope it's been lovely with your dn and you were not too frazzled by Claire's, argh!

wasindie, venus, deste, MIFLAW and everyone else out there - hope you have all had fab days too. For those of us trying to get sober it's nearly the end of another day when we can be thankful for not picking up. Or if anyone has had a drink it's nearly Sunday and a whole other day awaits.

Much love x x x

hi all!!!! have had a really lovely day - shopping this morning, we went to tammy, claires, new look, top shop in fact, every little girls dream shopping day - i have spent a vast amount of money on pink, shiny, sparkly tat dh meet us for lunch, (served by dd, she has a job in a pub), then we went to a lovley country pub to see wind in the willows, very well done, hugely imaginative, dn, sil, another dn and i enjoyed it very much, then all had dinner out. and

I DID NOT DRINK!

i feel hot, tired, grubby, full up, happy and sober!!

ALGEE - WELL DONE!!!, your dh sounds like a good guy!, im so pleased you have told him and got his support.

curry - sounds like you had a good day too.

is nearlybedtime about? how are you getting on?

how was your meeting moomin?

btw - i know it sounds almost as if i have been on a pub crawl , in a way, i have
the thing is, as the days go by, im finding it becomes easier and easier to ask for a soft drink without even thinking about it.
i know the feeling of being pissed off, just because i cant have a glass of wine like all the people around me, but, im also finding it easier and easier to remember the awful things i did - it is almost a flash of memory that hits my brain as the question, 'what would you like'? is spoken.

btw - i was thinking about you all this afternoon - when i started this thread (6 weeks ago tommorrow ) i was in a very poor way, i honestly felt like my life was all but over. the days that followed have been hard, good, sad, happy, difficult, easy, tiring and uplifting.

it has been down to the effort i have put in alongside all the help, love and support i found in total strangers, that i now feel a true sense of hope and happiness for the future - i now have one! as does my family!

i have a little feeing of almost pride (thats the wrong word, but is the nearest i can find for how i feel) that i started the thread - i had no idea that it would help other people, if it does then it just adds so much to my own recovery iyswim?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi JWN, lovely to hear about your fab day! It all sounds great. And it's so good to know that choosing a soft drink is getting easier and easier. The meeting was good, good main share and interesting shares from the floor too. My sponsor goes to this particular meeting so it was good to catch up with her too. Have not really done much today - bit of housework, bit of reading, just nice to relax!

nearly - are you still about? I hope that you are ok.

x posted there - I just love to hear how well you are feeling. I, for one, am very glad and grateful that you started up this particular thread. I think what you are saying is like that AA thing: to keep it (i.e. sobriety) you have to give it away. Which is exactly what you are doing!

hi moomin - nice to hear from you hope you have a better nights sleep! blimey, its hot here!

i really must be off to bed now, tommorrow there is a festival of indian culture on in the park, it looks like a lot of fun so i think i will take dn there before i take her home.

ps - i do wish nearly would show up! - am thinking of her!!!

sleep tight gang!!

xxxxxxx

Totally with you re nearly. Nearly, if you're about give us a shout even if you're pissed! (Especially if you're pissed in fact.)
x

Sounds like you've all had a lovely day...maybe with the exception of the Claires Accessories bit, it's like hell on earth in there! My girl is something of a tomboy to my delight!

been thinking about indie and the soon to arrive babies. I breatsfed to 9 months. And I drtank. I've always been so asahmed of that, and I'm confessing to you as if you can absolve me like a bunch of computer priests (as opposed to fairies. One of many tawdry secrets...

Off in to London to meet a chum who I haven't seen for ages today. i'm driving to a station away from my home town so I can't drink. Her mum died an alcholic at 44. You can imagine, I think about hey very often, being 42 myself...

Super day everyone, catch you all tonight I hope.

JWN...didn't mean to sound like a twat about Claires...the words in my head look odd in text, glad you had fun, who cares what I think!

Not the place for a mummy brag, but feeling odd about confessing the feeding thing; had school report on Friday, end of Y2 so SATS results. She is above national expectations in all areas, and I thank goodness for that. Even though her mummy was moronic and selfish, no harm seems to have been done to her development!I know more luck than good judgement on my part....

Morning all!

Hi algee, great to hear from you. Feel free to confess - no judgements! Any alky is pretty unshockable - that's one of the joys of AA, when you speak about awful, horrible things everyone understands. Someone will have done similar or 'worse' - not that it's a competition obviously! But it's fantastic that you're dd is doing so well. You can at least stop beating yourself up about that now.

I hope that everyone else is well. Lots cooler here today so might actually manage a good night's sleep. Not going to a meeting tonight - nice to have a night in!

Day 18 now... Let's hear how everyone else is doing!

hi, must be really quick - in-between activities right now - ALGEE - course i didn't think you are twat, i only have the paitence to go in claires now cos dn is not mine and will tell her mummy if i swear!

try not to beat yourself up too much about the past - i havent split HALF of the crappy things i have done yet as im still too ashamed!

must go, dn waiting for me!

back later and remember

TODAY WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!!

love to all xxx

Evening to everyone, how's it going?

I have had a nice day, nothing exciting though! Me and dh are house and dog sitting at the moment so we have been out with the dogs and just generally relaxed.

I hope that everyone has had good days too!

(And today I have not had a drink!)

Do you feel you need to drink just to get through the day? If the answer is yes then maybe you should see your GP for help.

When my kids were born I had a very bad drink problem where 1 was too much & 100 wasn't enough. I didn't go to my GP for help because I knew in my heart I'd get through it with sheer determination and stubborness. I did it but I was supported by my DH and thought of my kids too.

If you speak to you OH and DD you could promise them that you'll either cut down or cut out. I cut out the drink completely and feel physically and mentally fitter than ever. I believe you can do it too and don't forget to ask for help if needed. Good luck.

If you take it one day at a time why don't you imagine yourself getting better each day you go without a drink and give yourself a pat on the back too.

It may be very hard at first, and be prepared for slip-ups, but if your DH & DD support you, you can do it.

I have just read this from start to finish and wanted to say a huge well done. I hope you don't mind me posting.

I am 29 days into recovery and it has been 29 days since I last had a drink. I couldn't do it alone so have been taking antabuse supervised at a clinic alongside rigorous counselling four times per week. AA is definitly not for me.

Having my onboard policeman and knowing when I take that pill each morning that if I reach for a drink I will be very ill, may een die is sadly what I need to beat this.

I only wish I had got off at an earlier stop, but it has happened and I am looking at today.

I was in complete denial, and even after the hard shock and wake up call I got continued to drink, it was my old friend, it was a way to not think about reality. Getting drunk was what I did, all I was good for. Everyone expected it so why not. Fortunately this only lasted a week and once I started the antabuse I haven't looked back.

It his hard, it is scary, I have accepted I am an alcoholic, now I am trying to accept the realities of what I did.

Best of wishes to all of you, stay strong.

Welcome to Rocker and Chinkof!

Most of us on this thread are at a very similar stage as you Chinkof in terms of days drink-free. JWN is the leading light - well over a month now, hurrah! I am on day 18 (again!) but I think I can speak for all of us in saying that this thread has been a huge support. Please stay and post with us! A few (but not all) of us have been attending AA. Is this something you are doing/ thinking of?

And rocker, it's great to hear how you've done it and how much better you feel.

SORRY chinkof - just read that AA is not for you. Ignore my question in previous post - doh!

Thanks for the welcome. I've been on mumsnet for years but don't feel able to post in my usual name. This thread is great and I will definitly stick around.

The spiritual aspect of AA puts me off tbh. Also they don't really approve of antabuse. For the moment I'm doing well with the antabuse, therapy and my group meetings with people on the same programme.

To put it simply whilst I am on this pill I cannot drink, thats it. It is such a relief. I feel like a whole part of my life has opened up again to fill the hole that has been created. That bit of my brain that was constantly thinking about the next drink, how to get it, how to hide it, regretting the night before and doing it all over again to forget it.

It's bloody tough facing up to it but I will get through it.

Sadly my rock bottom was my children being taken away. I wish I'd been able to see the choice I was making before but don't we all.

For them I will get better, and for me, to become the fantastic loving mother I know I can be.

Sorry to be such a downer

Well done by the way, 18 days is fantastic

Hiya, I am so sorry that your rock bottom was that situation. It must be absolutely awful for you. You have a wonderful reason to get sober - so that you can be a fantastic mum. It's not a downer - it's real life and it's scary and sad but these are the paths that we can all end up on. So please don't apologise.

As for AA, antabuse etc - you have to do what's right for you. And it is certainly working at the moment. (For what it's worth one of my closest pals in AA is an atheist. But I am not an AA nazi, we are not a one size fits all.)

chinkof - just to clarify, I know your situation is a massive downer but please don't feel that you are putting a downer on the thread.

Hello all, I hope that everyone is well. It has been quite quiet on here this evening - I hope that this means that everyone is having a good day. Can't believe that the bloody weekend is nearly over so soon, grr.

Am just watching the World Cup Final at the moment - Diet Coke in hand!

Hope to hear from you all when you get the chance!

hi all, another quick post as i am totally knackered - dropped dn back with mum and dad, then dh and i went to a friends house for football party, luckily for me, me and most of the girls where able to sit out in the garden all evening , so, lovley food, good company, bloody good laugh and

I HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK!.

a big welcome to rocker and chinky , nice to have have you aboard and thanks for your advice - i think we are all at differant points of recovery and it is very good to hear other experiences - chinky! i am so very sorry that you do not have your children with you, i hope so much that your future will be brighter and that will can be returned to you in time. i understand that aa is not for everyone, but i have taken to it like a scotsman to whisky

today it is SIX WEEKS!!!!!!! (yes, you read that right!!!!!!!!!!!!) since i had a drink - i can still recall that desperate feeling of total dispair, lonelyness and unhappiness. - i expect i have said it before, but truely, this house feels like a home again - the atmosphere is calm, we laugh together, we can have a meal without me kicking off and spoiling it and we all look forward to coming back here every day after work.

well, tommorrow is yest another busy day, i have to go to the office, i want to go to meeting, take the car to the garage and try and explain a strange whooshing noise to the mechanics without appearing too blonde and also take the stupid cat to the vets as he is in a right old state, i think he has been squaring up to a local lion judging by the bite marks in his neck.

well, that was long for a short post , i hope everyone has had a lovley sober evening!

love to all, see you in the morning! xxx

Morning all, morning rocker and chinkof, chinkof I am so sorry to hear about your position...

Had a lovely day yterday with my friend, which included a long leisurely lunch, and a long long chat about her mum. She now knows as well as dh. I can't go back now, can I?

No drink, no hangover since Friday morning...3 sober days. It isn't very easy is it? (I know that's a silly question btw, just feel the need to understate the obvious...!!)