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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

me and alcohol have ruined my family

999 replies

jesuswhatnext · 31/05/2010 12:32

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

OP posts:
algee · 12/07/2010 06:53

JWN...six weeks, amazing! Tell us more about how you feel? Is it getting easier? Do you really look different? Sitting outside a resaurant in the sun yesterday was more testing than I can say...but then you all know about that.

Hard to believe that it's six weeks ago that I read your thread title, started following, but still managed to hold on another 5 weeks 4 days! Though I am admittedly sleeping better, I still look the same, and still feel rough in the morning.

Dd up, must go...

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 07:07

Morning all,

Well done JWN - that is fantastic, 6 weeks!! Bloody brilliant.

Algee - another well done! Sitting outside a restaurant in the sun must have been difficult but you did it. Do you feel better for having spoken to dh and your friend? You've been really brave.

Here's to a positive week for us all x

algee · 12/07/2010 07:31

Felt really guilty teling my friend, bearing in mind her mother died at 44...I'd assumed she'd 'always' drunk, ie worse than me, but in fact it was 15 years from her first drink to her last...i'm at 12 years now in varying degrees. Wake up algee!!!

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 09:13

It's scary how quickly the illness progresses isn't it? I have been drinking since I was about 16 I suppose but 'problem drinking' in varying degrees since about 24 or 25 (8 or 9 years) Things have definitely got worse in recent years so I need to stop the train and get off here.

Has anyone else been on the thread about living with a dry alcoholic? (I saw you on it JWN!) Makes for interesting reading I thought.

Anyway, looking forward to updates from everyone! venus, how was your weekend away? Hope you are feeling sane and serene!

MIFLAW · 12/07/2010 11:09

"The spiritual aspect of AA puts me off tbh. Also they don't really approve of antabuse."

Dear Chinky

Not trying to change your opinion but to arm you with the full facts.

The "spiritual aspect" really does just boil down to accepting that you are not the centre of the universe and that there are some things beyond your control. Some people choose to make it more than that, but that is entirely up to them and you should always feel free to ignore them.

As for antabuse, AA has no opinion whatsoever on Antabuse. Again, anyone woh does, in or out of AA, is just expressing their opinion, and you should again feel free to ignore them.

FWIW I am in AA; I am an agnostic and proud to be one; and, though I never used Antabuse, I have no problem with anyone that does.

I would say, though, that AA has really come into its own since AFTER the physical weaning stage. It is AA that helps me stay strong enough to keep away from a drink in the tough times (family deaths, bad days at work, celebrations, sickness of my child, career change, exams, etc.) Even if I had managed to stop drinking unaided (or with Antabuse) I don't think I could have stuck to it without ongoing help and, basically, a place to "vent".

If you don't want AA, fair dos - but don't reject it out of hand based on misconceptions of what it's about.

Good luck with your continued sobriety, however you choose to go on - and well done!

MIFLAW · 12/07/2010 11:11

Algee

The first 3 days to a week are the hardest, physically. It does get easier, especially if you are in AA or something similar i.e. you have the support of others who have been there and you start to look at yourself, positive AND negative.

Keep going, you're doing great!

WasindieNial · 12/07/2010 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 11:34

Morning wasindie! So glad to hear you had a good weekend.

How's dp doing? It can't be long now!!

jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 11:42

morning everyone - sorry im so late, been talking to my best friend - bad trouble with teenage dd , god, being a parent can be the hardest fucking thing in the world!!

wasindie - mind the 'whale' dosent bite! - calling a very pregnant partner a whale is not the best move you could ever make! (oh, you will pay!)

glad to hear from everyone, sounds like a good weekend was had by all!

be back later

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 11:44

ps. felt like and looked shit the first week - look FAB!! now, even though i do say so myself

truely - friends and family all keep saying how well i look!

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 11:46

sorry, bad trouble with HER dd, not mine, all is well!

OP posts:
algee · 12/07/2010 11:47

Hello moomin... hope you are ok!

Thank you MIFLAW, it is tough isn't it, I feel vaguely (vaguely!) euphoric in the evening, as I've notched another day, then soooo flat in the morning with another whole sober day stretching out in to what seems to be infinity. Today's testing me already. Glad to see some of you on line...

wasindie, good to see you too; I'm sleeping well, but fell draedful in the morning...figure that i should take what I can from the sleeping well bit...lovely novelty. Hope your whale didn't beach whilst you were typing...how long to go? Lovely to be so pregnant in this heat!!

Got loads off my chest yesterday...admitted tonnes of the really weasly 'sneaky' stuff, there really can be no going back now... see you later, only stopped to grab a coffee! ooops...maybe posting on mumsnet will become my next addiction...

algee · 12/07/2010 11:50

JWN...hello! Not sure I have it in me to look fab, but hoping the melting lard look might recede at least. Thing is if I keep on giving in to the munchies like I am doing at the moment, I'll end up looking like wasindie's dp without the additional baggage

WasindieNial · 12/07/2010 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WasindieNial · 12/07/2010 12:37

This reply has been deleted

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MoominMags · 12/07/2010 12:47

'If you don't pick up the first drink you can't get drunk' - more AA words of wisdom!

Loved the poem wasindie!! Real words of wisdom in there! Is it an original?? (Hope I am not sounding totally stupid here!)

MIFLAW · 12/07/2010 12:49

"just had a thought, do we have to start a new thread when this one reaches a 1000 posts? - i vote our new thread is entitled along the lines of 'old bags anonymous'"

ODAAT, anyone?

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 12:51

I have ODAAT as my greeting message on my mobile!

WasindieNial · 12/07/2010 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WasindieNial · 12/07/2010 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 13:20

One Day At A Time - AA strikes again!

The poem was brilliant and I really cope that chinkof gets to see it!

EMS23 · 12/07/2010 13:23

Hello everyone - it sounds like really positive weekends were had by all so well done from one of your cheerleaders!

JWN - You talked about one day being involved in your daughters wedding... my Mum isn't an alcoholic (not that I know anyway!) but drinking was a big issue between us in the run up to my wedding.
My sister in law is a bit mean and I believe her to be a closet alcoholic. My Mum is easily led, so at family do's my sister in law will often get her drunk, I think to mask her own drinking. My mum is rubbish when drunk, a total lightweight and gets very confused and after my SIL doing it at my hen do and getting my mum paraletic (sp) I asked my mum not to drink at all at my wedding. She was absolutely fine with that and it was lovely, us staying sober togethe and seeing her get one over on my mean SIL!

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this! I think my point is that you will be such an asset to your daughter and all the stress she may have felt about your drinking will not even be an issue so for that, you should be really really proud.
Short point, long bloody post - sorry!!!
xxx

curryeater · 12/07/2010 14:07

Can't say much, I'm at work.
Just wanted to pop in and say well done to everyone but especially Algee - well done! I know you feel like shit, really I do, but it will get so much better.
13 days!
Have a good day everyone

rockermom · 12/07/2010 14:39

Afternoon all . JWN How are you doing with your challenge? How do you feel now? When you mention you've not had a drink for 6 wks I nearly had to pick my eyeballs off the keyboard and put them back in . Good grief lass that brilliant and I hope you keep going with that.
If you went out for a drink, do you think you could limit yourself to, say, 2 or 3 and then have the rest of you drinks as soft ones? If not then it may be best for you to keep off the sauce until you feel absolutely sure you can do that. Again a big well done. I'm well chuffed for you so, keep it up.

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 14:52

Hello rocker, how are you? Nice to hear from you again.

For me personally I cannot stop at 2 or 3 drinks (bottles maybe, ha ha!) Obviously I can't speak for JWN but I think she is on the total abstinence path, one day at a time (same as me.) However, I am sure that she will post herself as to her thoughts!

Hi curry, good to hear from you. Get you! 13 days!! Lovely to have them piling up.

Hello EMS, just wanted to say that I think you are probably right about SIL 'masking' her own drinking. This happens loads!

Hope everyone else is well this afternoon!