me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

"Curry part of my problem is that I can function ridiculously well after a lot of booze"

I used to think that. Then I stopped drinking and found out what functioning well actually means.

In other words, being able to run very fast considering you're carrying a rucksack full of stones is not the same as actually running very fast.

Hello, I have been following this thread for weeks. Somehow it feels wrong to read and not let you know how bloody brilliant you all are. Needless to say your thread has touched me because I can relate to so much of it. Keep going girls (there are a lot of us!) Miflaw, I think there is a book in you!
Thank you

Afternoon MissPerrier! It's so great to hear from anyone that's been following the thread. I get the feeling that there are a lot of people reading it - lots more than are posting! (Thanks again to JWN for getting the ball rolling )

I agree with you about MIFLAW and a book! I love reading his posts. They are funny but with brilliant messages.

"Miflaw, I think there is a book in you!"

I know. What a terrifying thought.

dont ask me to proof read miflaw, as is plainly obvious, i cannot spell, even when sober!

just back from lunch - no booze!

now, i am going to let you into a little secret - for a long time, whenever i got hot i used to sweat dreadfully from my head, horrible wet lanky hair, twas nasty , i put it down to age, thought maybe i was menopausal - i have not had this problem since THE FIRST DAY!!! that i gave up the booze - it MUST have been all that horrid alcohol coming out of me!, oh dear god, how revolting it is 30 c here right now, i just felt a bit hot, not uncomfy, headachy or smelly just that having that benefit makes it all worth while! (ps. that is a secret, so dont tell anyone! )

only a couple of hours and the weekend begins - my lovley little niece will soon be here, dd will have finished work and we will be off out i hope dh has soem suncream for his head - he is bald as a coot! and a right pain if his head gets the sun, im not being unsympathetic here, but how often do you have to tell a grown man to take a hat or suncream?, its often worse than having a child, at least they have to do as they are told!

wasindie - how was the bath? - please dont keep changing your name, i am getting on a bit and cant keep up!

's me again. Well, meetings seem sparse round these parts, evenings really are tricky, but I found one not too far away today at midday. So. Drove half an hour there, parked up, stood outside the venue, went back to the car and drove half an hour home again. That was the only one I could find during the day and i blew it.

Now is my danger time...well, from now until much much later. Guzzling soda and lime, but...think I'm going to be down to a minute at a time, never mind a day!

Thank you all. What I find so inspiring is how content you sound; wasindi, onwards! Even if I don't join you, when finally I make it, you'll all be part of the story...

Hi algee, that's fantastic that you made it that far! I am really not being patronising here - loads and loads of people make it to the outside of a meeting before they finally make it in! Perhaps you could phone the helpline next time? They are usually able to arrange for someone to meet you outside so that it's not quite as daunting!

Keep trying though!

And take it a minute at a time if that's what you need at the moment. I am rooting for you x

algee - please go again!! next time phone the helpline, tell them which meeting it is and they will put someone intouch with you to meet you outside and hold your hand, please dont forget that everyone had to walk in for the first time once!! they will all be pleased to welcome you, i promise!!

yes, i am content, but it is taking effort!, i could quite easily have joined my client for a glass of wine at lunchtime, i just had to keep the family in the back of mind the whole time.

in fact, phone the helpline now! there will be someone to speak to, who will TOTALLY get you! and how you feel.

x posted with moomin! algee, we are all rooting for you right here, right now.

wasnidie is so right, just 6 short weeks ago my life was in freefall, i was terrified, lonely, sorry for myself and basically a right old mess - in that short time i hardly recognise myself - i look and feel ten years younger, i am positive, looking forward, not back, and just generally getting on with life.

JWN sounds gross...and I should know! not only do I 'feel' smelly, and though I am naturally very pallid, i think i look less English Rose, more slimy lard. Nice.

Have fun with your lovely family.

My girl has a chum round just now they're skipping around in their knickers, splashing in the paddling pool and tormenting the dog. Best find them something to eat...

Still lime and soda

flippin' nora you all post quickly...

i have also met some of the nicest, kindest people i have ever come across, i thank my 'higher power' every day - as awful as it was, my rock bottom was a wonderful thing to happen to me, without it i would still be the fat, drunken old cow who picked on her dh, was a bitch to her child and was slowly wreaking everything good in her life.

sorry, i dont mean to imply that you are a drunken old cow, i was just talking from my experience iyswim?

Algee - loved the slimy lard description! That was me to a tee! I used to be able to feel the booze coming out of my pores, my hands felt greasy - especially my fingertips when typing! Ugh.

Stick with the lime and soda. Keep posting for support.

algee - i dont post quickly, i take ages to type anything.

your dd and her friend must be having a lovley time - i remember those days!

drunken old cow suits actually especially when my drink of choice is the devil's water!Moomin, wasinde thank you! Heratburn...it's the heratburn that kind of pushed me in to posting; started to convince myself that I was actually dying right now, if you know what I mean. Actually it was everything that persuaded me to post...maybe this is it for me too after all this time? God, and if I can knock 10 years off, well...

They were let out early as it's school report day, they sound so chilled!

algee - take your soda and lime and go and join them! - my biggest shame is that i had nearly lost dd - in my minds eye i can still see that little girl who used to do just what yours is doing right now!

thank god im getting her back!

It freaks me actually. I love that little bundle more than I ever imagined possible, yet still I carry on. Hate what smell she associates me with...

So glad for you. I imagine your daughter is a teen? Probably you said somewhere?

Figure I can't ditch the soda lime while I have my 'puter open on the kitchen table...