me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

Welcome algee - you don't sound needy.
I know what you mean - everyone thinks I am together too - I have been a little bit shreddy at the edges in the same sorts of ways since I was about 15 but I look like such a solid citizen. you can tell us, though!

Big hello JWN, Venus, Indie, Moomin, Deste, MIFLAW, Sorry if I forgot anyone.

9 days today. Today I had fun. I feel relaxed going to bed not worrying about what state I will wake up in.I still feel tired and find the business of being fully compos mentis a little scary - it seems like there is nowhere to hide. But perhaps as you go along there seems to be less to hide from.

Good night everyone, good luck

good night curry - 9 days!!! nearly double figures!!! you are right, it is still taking me by surprise that i can actually make decisions without a drink in my hand - the scary bit is that you cannot blame anything else if stuff goes tits-up.
im glad you had fun today, so did i, just having a meal with my dd, by her choice was fun enough for me!

i am really tired now, so am off to bed - looking forward to my niece being dropped off tomorrow , i have got her a present - some forever friends perfume and hand lotion, bet it smells like bubble gum but i know she will love it!

hope everyone has a peaceful nights sleep and are all ready and raring to go in the morning cos

WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!!

algee - i REALLY hope you will come back and post tomorrow - i will be on line most of the day, except lunchtime, i will keep checking to see if i can help at all! sleep well xx

Welcome algee, please post more - no matter what. No judgements here.

wasindie, please don't apologise! We are all the same here, we have all given up and then started again. You have NOT let the side down. Of course you are still part of this thread!!! You are not going back to stage 1 because you have already made some really positive steps in the past 7 days. Please don't dwell on yesterday you will only beat yourself up and pick up a drink again. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself down (like I did 16 days ago after a mega-binge!) and keep going. You are still the same person as yesterday. I know exactly how you are feeling today so please post and let us all know how you are doing. One day at a time is all any of us can do sweetheart x

Morning to curry, venus, JWN, MIFLAW, deste and anyone else out there!

oh wasindie - dont worry darling! today is another day, just because you drank yesterday dosen't mean you will drink today! moomin is right, dont dwell on it, dont worry about it, and dont worry that we will judge you!!! WE WONT!!!! you havent let the side down, its just one of those things please stay with us, you are doing really well

i hope eveyone else is ok today? i have a busy day and im already late, i have to go to the office in a bit, then a business meeting at lunchtime and then home to be here when my niece is dropped off

ALGEE - are you about? - come and chat! i will be back later and once miflaw has read your posts i am sure that he will have some very sound advice for you.

moomin - 16 days!!, well done you!!!

see you later xxx

You're all so sweet! Hope you're all well this morning, in particular wasindi. Thick head this morning, but of course today's the day, just like every day is! Ibuprofen, coffe, long walk with the dog now sitting at my desk (working!!). Popped in to the supermarket earlier and bought soda and lime; once, many years ago I survived on that for the whole of lent. Thought that proved I couldn't have a problem as I could give it up for six weeks, but never managed to repeat it, not even for the whole of ash wednesday!

Had a long hard look at myself while I was out with the dog. I think people on't know, but actually i'm pretty sure they do, or at least they have an idea. Don't want t o be that sad old bag, propped up by a bottle. Thing is, giving it up seems awfully 'forever'...I think that's what always stops me.

I shall keep reading. Thought I'd best post again gaving told you I'm here, let's hope that I'm telling you all I've gone to bed sober and with a glass of water rather than drunk with a small whiskey 'for the road' tonight..

Great to hear from you algee!

Please don't think about giving up 'forever' - I certainly can't think in that way. It's just too much! The thing to try to do is NOT to drink one day at a time. Or one hour at a time if things are tough. This is one of the main strategies at AA. Would you maybe consider giving them a call or getting to a meeting? It's definitely worth a shot if you can.

As I said before, no judgements or anything! All the best for today x

...it has to be 'forever' though doesn't it? Had a look at meetings yesterday; something I think I may have misunderstood...seems like some of you go three four five times a week? Havde I misunderstood? I will look again, but all of the meetings anywhere even remotely near to me seem to be weekly, and then the biggest problem is timing. Dh works away through the week, so I am on my own with dd, the closest meetings all seem about 7-8pmish which is impossible. Does that sound like I'm makig excuses?

Thank you moomin. Must work!

The name of the game is total abstinence yes. But another AA thing is not to 'project' into the future and worry/ stress about things that have not happened. Take each day as it comes, try to stay sober one day at a time.

Re the meetings: yes they are weekly, same time, same location but we try to go to several different meetings per week. At the moment I am going to 5 as I need that level of support.

Oh God, I am tying myself up in knots - I hope that MIFLAW comes along really soon!

It is great to hear from you algee - have a good day!

Wasindie

Sorry to hear you drank. I once drank again after 6 months. 6 months, I thought - well, if I haven't drunk for 6 months, perhaps I'm not really an alcoholic! You can probably guess how that went.

This is why, ever since, I do it one day at a time. (algee, this is for you too.) I have no idea whether I will ever drink again. All I know is that, if I do, it will be exactly the same as last time. And the time before. And the time before that. I can have that misery any time I choose, and I can get it from a bottle of the finest burgundy or for the price of a can of Diamond White. Each morning, I decide that today is a non-drinking day, and I do this because each yesterday has gone so well without a drink. And each time I manage it (seven and a half years unbroken sobriety as we speak) I try to be grateful because it isn't all down to me - AA was the decisive factor because I couldn't do this alone or even pluck up the courage to try.

In my first year in AA I drank regularly - sometimes after a week, sometimes after a month, but I always went back to it. Each time, I thought there was a different, urgent and unexpected reason (happy/sad/disappointed/bored). In fact, the reason was the same each time - I wasn't taking sobriety seriously enough and thought that sometihng would be magically different this time. I now know this is not the case and keep away from a drink one day at a time, first of all admitting that I need help to do so. And it works. The best advice I ever heard in AA was "get pissed tomorrow" - but today, decide you won't drink. That way, tomorrow, you have a choice - another day of sobriety or another day of shit? Drink today and that choice will be taken away from you.

Algee - treat your meetings like you treat your pub and your off-licence. What would you do if your local offy started opening one day a week only? Would you only drink one day a week? Or would you get out and about, by bus, car, bike or on foot, to other pubs and offies every time you needed it? Do the same with your meetings.

ALGEE!!!!! how great you came back!!

moomin is so right, just dont drink for an hour at a time, you will be amazed how quickly those hours build up to a days worth!

is there someone who have have your dd over tea while you try and get to a meeting? please try and give at least one a try - i am very lucky in that i go to the same lunchtime meeting which is held everyday, i know lots of the people also go to several other meetings at differant locations around the town, i find that i am getting everything i need from just the lunchtime one though.

i did think that no one had realised the extent of my drinking, ho ho ho (that wasn't a santa laugh btw) - how wrong i was, so far, everyone i have told has said how pleased they are that i have finally admitted my problem as they were so worried about me.

back later stick around!!!

Hello everyone
It's going to be hot today! I don't work on Fridays so dd and I will be out to meet friends soon. This time last week I felt so tired and sad. Things are looking up.

Indie - don't beat yourself up. Making yourself feel terrible won't help. Same to you, Algee. Make a tall glass of something nice and refreshing and fizzy (and non-boozy) - orange juice with soda really perks me up - and come and talk to us if it will help.

(Mind you, indie, I can't help but think you type very well for someone 3 bottles to the worse)

Last night I watched plane go across the sky from my bedroom window and thought about how much more time I have now when I am not drunk every night. If you are determined to start drinking every evening as early as possible, and then drink for as long as possible, there is a lot of time missing from your life - not that you should necessarily use it for doing something "useful" (as I tend to think I should, which is perhaps part of why I would drink too much, now I think of it, to turn off the endless jobs list in my head) but that you don't have any time to process things and relax properly if you are always either on the go or slaughtered. You think drink is an emotional release, but actually it's just a way of sweeping things under the carpet and they never get dealt with.

How are things with your niece JWN?

Weird pains in my lower back these past few days - feel like a hangover. Are my kidneys protesting now they are getting a break? Maybe I should have a check up.

At the end of today it will be TEN DAYS!!!!!

(Sorry to boast)

Have a good day everyone

"Dh works away through the week"

Go on Saturday and Sunday and see how you get on.

Lovely post curry. It's just fantastic to hear how well you're doing.

curry - boast away!! i do, it will be 6 weeks on sunday since i had a drink!

i get my niece this afternoon after work, db is dropping her off, dh is in london till late tonight so i am taking dn for a posh meal out, she loves that sort of thing - then tomorrow we are going shopping, out for lunch with dh, then off to see an open air production of wind in the willows.

btw algee - you will find that old know-it-all miflaw has an answer to everything!

Sounds like you have a wonderful weekend planned JWN! And all sober too, yay!

too right moomin! looking forward to loads.

WasindieNial - I think you're really brave for coming on here and being so honest. How much easier it would've been to slope off and not tell anyone what happened.

I'm still following this thread and felt quite tearful today.
JWN - your relationship with your DD sounds like it's going from strength to strength and I'm so happy for you. I live so far away from my mum and I miss her so much!

xxx

thanks ems - life is becoming soooo much better, i feel loved by my familyand everything has a sort og comfy feel to it iyswim?

I confuse easily... have you changed your name?! (Not a regular user of MN until recently so apologies if I am being daft!)

Oh well, never mind about that!

It a great day because you have not had a drink. That's always a great day. It's great that you have not sloped off as EMS said. You're here, you're being honest and you're keeping going! It's all good I would say!

Hmm, meant to have the 'is' in italics!