me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

venus - that's brilliant that you went! Well done. Just try a few meetings if you can and see if there are any that suit you. My first few meetings I just thought that 'they' were all mad and 'what on earth am I doing here?' Slowly I got to know people and now I really do enjoy it. Have you got nice plans for the weekend?

You are doing great!

Thanks.

Today my dp came home from work early. If that had happened 2 weeks ago I would have either have been really mad at him ('cos it would reduce the secret drinking time I'd have before he got in) or I'd have been in a minor panic about whether I'd hidden the evidence properly.

Today I was just glad to see him, and especially glad since I was feeling a bit wobbly. Now he's settled in front of the TV (switching between tennis and football) and I'm settled in the kitchen making curry and onion bhajis.

Have a good Friday evening everyone.

That sounds lovely venus! Enjoy it. You need to be really kind to yourself at the moment.

So glad it's Friday!

Curry eater

let me know if you would like to go to the south Norwood meeting tonight and I will accompany you if you like.

Couple of meetings on in Peckham tonight too - would be pleased to accopmany you there too (my old turf) but will need to know earlier so I can drive over.

hi, had quite a busy day, done a LOAD of shopping , new dress, new handbag, some earrings and some items from the protect and perfect range, 3 for 2 at the mo, so a bargain!

venus - well done! - the first step at anything new is always a bit daunting, just try a few meetings and see how you get on

this evening it is just dh and i in for dinner, so i picked up a dine for £10 at m&s, lovely looking goats cheese tart thing (dh can have the wine) i have some pomegranate juice, tastes lovely mixed with tonic.

I HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK TODAY! in fact i am now heading for the 5 week mark!!!!waa haay!

i truly never thought i could do this, i am finding a real joy in every sober day, even the shitty ones when we all have a fall-out and yell at each other, at least it is 'normal' - not all just existing in the same house with me being a drunken old bag, spoiling everything.

i will be back later, in the meantime, have a nice evening.

sorry, last post looks like an advert oops!

Don't apologise - that's "attraction, not promotion" right there.

S

Sounds like you had a fantastic day JWN! And the dinner sounds delicious! What time are you off to the family do/ MIL horror tomorrow? Hope it goes well if I don't 'speak' to you before!

I hope that curry gets in touch with MIFLAW...

I have had a good, sober day. Looking forward to tonight as it's my home group meeting - always pretty relaxed and lots of cake to eat! For me it's important to go to a meeting on a Friday as that was always traditional start of the weekend insanity!

Will try to check in later and see how everyone's evenings are going.

hi moomin - did you have a good meeting?, i know what you mean about fridays - mind you, i could find an excuse for drinking any day of the week

i have to be at mils for about 3 tommorow, my lovely sil is picking me as dh has the car, so at least we get to have a deep and meaningful chat (or bitch ) before we get there. dh is coming after his art class, well, he'd better or i will skin him!.

btw - at the risk of sounding like an advert again, the m&s meal was great, i actually don't think i could have made it myself for less.

hope venus and curry are having a nice evening?

Well done Venus!
JWN - good luck tomorrow with the MIL. You will be filled with calm confidence and she won't be able to do a thing to you.

MIFLAW, sorry I didn't reply to your very kind offer. I hope you enjoyed the meeting.
I have been living up to my name, eating curry, but drinking water with it. dd has a virus, as do I a little, and we had to miss the picnic. Felt very sad and lonely about that as it was a rare meet up with a group of friends who often can't get together at the same time. But didn't hit the bottle.

I think I'd like to go to a meeting sometime. DP says I look sad and he wants me to have some kind of counselling. I don't feel able to confront all the feelings at the moment. I honestly think I would prefer to go to bed early and sleep and it would do me more good than talking or "dealing with" things. But maybe I just feel like that because I have a virus.

Have to avoid the footie tomorrow - have been invited to watch it at friends' - but I find it a bit boring and only get involved because I like piggy-backing on everyone else's heightened emotion and it's an excuse to drink in an environment where everyone else is so focused on something else that no one realises how often you refill. There you go, there's a bit of boozer's honesty.

Have a great weekend everyone, congrats to all on your amazing efforts.
This is my third day without a drink.

hi curry!! 3 days!! well done you, i know it is a bit of a bloody struggle, but girl, you are getting there!

how old is your dd? is there a possibility you have pnd? - you do sound a bit low, it also sounds like your dp is a nice, caring guy! - perhaps you should havea caht with your doc, you might just need a course of anti-depressants for a while. giving up the booze will help no end, as a crutch it is pretty bloody useless, just masks problems, dosen't really deal them iyswim - fwiw, a few weeks ago, i could have gone to bed by 6 o'clock every night, i think is was hissy who pointed out to me that it was no wonder i was tired, the first week of giving up the booze is monumental!

have a few early nights, sleep is a great healer ime

hope you and dd feel better tommorow xx

btw - i would like to ramble on for a bit about exh no2

i have been giving him a lot of thought the last few weeks - he was a special forces soldier, suffered with dreadful ptsd, trouble was i didn't understand at the time!

he drank VERY heavily, right from the start of our relationship, i have to say i thought it was normal - all his mates drank alot aswell, anyway, as time went on he became more and more violent to the point of strangling me, he left the forces saying that it would help him control his life/temper more. he was arrested the day dd was born for murder, however he was aquitted and we carried on with this pretence of a normal life.

i now realise that that is when i really started to drink - i think i thought i was coping (ha ha)

i drank when he was in the house because i think it gave me the courage to stand up to him, then, when he finally left, i carried on, i felt such a failure, a second marriage up the swany, a single mum, living on benefits, oh blimey, it felt a low place to be

the thing that i feel so ashamed of now, is that once life got better, i met dh, got a really good job, bought my own house, earnt enough to send dd to private school etc. i just carried on drinking, why oh why did i do that?

one of the steps says that we should try to make amends to the people we have hurt - i really want to that, right now i just don't know how!

thank you, if you have got to the end of my waffle!

sorry, that was all a bit self-indulgent of me, just good to get it off my chest - dh has an inkling of what my previous marriage was like, dd has no idea at all so i dont really talk about it in rl.

not waffle - v interesting
but i don't understand who you feel you need to make amends to? particularly?
How old is your dd? Is she the child of your DH now?

Well done on surviving - and more than surviving

I don't think I have pnd, I have had depression before and this doesn't feel like it. Actually I think I had something like depression when I was pregnant but since I had dd even when things are hardest I have hardly ever felt the despair or emptiness of depression. Yes, DP is brilliant, he is the very best. My little family is the most incredible thing. I am the luckiest, most undeserving person in the world.

I have to go to sleep now, I have a sore throat and dd will be up at 6. Don't apologise for talking about things. goodnight

dd is 18 - dh is her stepfather, he has bought her up as his own since she was 3, she never sees her biological father, i don't know where he is, and frankly, we are better off without him.

i suppose i want to make amends to dh and dd, i think now that i was quite badly damaged by the thing and they have taken the fall-out. i have taken YEARS to fully trust dh, which is ridiculous as he is the best person i could ever have met - and i will always feel guilty that dd had such a shitty start in life, my drinking has masked those kind of feelings for years and years, i now want to deal with them iyswim?

goodnight love, sleep well

Morning, all. Just checking in to see how you're all doing, and it all sounds really positive.

jwn, don't worry about making amends yet. Someone said to me in the early days that one day I'd make amends to my ex, and it terrified me. But they also say 'there's a reason why the steps are in the order they're in' so be assured you won't be making any amends that you don't want to until you're good and ready.

(Two years down the line, I am actually about to do this amend - still a bit, ahem, apprehensive, but so ready for it now.)

Also, remember that you are making 'living amends' to your DH and DD every day that you are sober, just by being the new sober you.

Just wanted to say a quick hello to everyone, I don't have a long but I should be able to come back later.

Well done curry - 3 days is fab! Keep going! And do try a meeting if you can. Am totally with you on the football thing by the way - thing is I do love watching it but even more if pissed, ha ha!

JWN - good luck today, looking forward to the report when you get a chance. And please don't worry about talking about things - often not talking is the thing that got us and then kept us in this mess!

Had a great meeting last night!

Everyone keep safe today.

Also agree with CJ. No need to worry about amends yet! First things first!

Well done curry, shame to miss your picnic but so good that you didn't just drink instead.

You said you didn't feel like 'dealing with things' yet. Well not surprising really. You and I are probably still at the stage where our bodies are dealing with a massive backlog of toxins, we've completely altered our sugar intake and fluid balance, and we've stopped taking a drug that is both a relaxant and stimulant and a depressant. No wonder we feel tired.

In any circumstance, it takes such a lot of emotional effort to face counselling, and perhaps we've got enough on our plate just keeping sober. I think MIFLAW said to sort things out in the order that they are killing you - i.e. alcohol first, the rest later.

I have only been to one meeting, but I'd say go on and give it a try. I listened to a bunch of people who have all been where we are and who understand the highs and the lows, the feeling of achievement and the feeling of shame.

Have a good weekend curry. I'm sure you can find something better to do than watching football.

JWN, it is interesting what you say about the trigger for starting to drink. I can clearly remember the first time I ever had a drink when I was alone (rather than just over-drinking as part of a social occassion). It was 16 years ago, it was a can of lager (which I don't even like) and my exh was out. Drinking that lager felt like my own little rebellion, taking control in a relationship in which I otherwise felt out of control. Little did I know that I was actually handing control over to a different bully!

But to be honest, although that felt like a very specific moment, I also have the feeling it could have been anything that started me down this path. I am just glad that here and now I have admitted my problem, and today I am sober and I intend not to have a drink.

My younger dd who is 17 comes back from holiday tomorrow. She has just finished 6th year and has been to Cyprus with her friends . I do worry about the example I have set in relation to alcohol and I feel guilty about that. Eventually I can make amends but can I do anything to ensure that she doesn't follow the same path?

Afternoon, I hope that everyone is doing well. Weekends can seem even trickier can't they because that's when 'normal' people like to cut loose? Sometimes I feel like I am almost mourning that part of life but then I remember the horror of only 10 days ago and I shudder and realise that I am lucky because I am sober today.

venus and JWN I remember drinking for drinking's sake the first time and I wish that I could scream at my younger self, 'Back away from the bottle, put the bottle down slowly and move away!!' But I can't. We all have to live with the here and now.

God, this all sounds like a bit of a depressing rant but I am actually feeling good today!

I am so pleased that we all seem to be doing pretty well at the moment. We can do it, one day at a time

Hello everyone

Well done to everyone who is not drinking.
I am feeling tired today. Went to my friends who were showing the football, just for half an hour, with the car, no drinking, just to get out of the house and see people and let dd see her little friends. No energy, seeing black dots when I stand up, hating domestic stuff. The garden is being eaten by triffids and I just don't have the energy for them.

Feeling on a very short fuse. Headache. Going to bed.

These are beautiful days we're having. These blue skies are heartbreaking.

No drink. 4 days.

hope all are well, good night