me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

Hope everyone is well. Just off to a meeting now but will check in later.

Love having this thread for support - thanks to all!

good evening - right now i am sitting here with a pot full of white toner on my hair, dd reckons it whitens blonde high-lights, i hope she is right, as right now it is looking a bit purple

having a nice evening, dd and bf have been in for dinner, cleared up the kitchen for me - wonder what they want (bet its expensive!)

HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK TODAY!

be back later, better go wash this stuff off my hair!

Wow, purple hair, that's kind of radical.

noooo - i just want to rev the blonde up a bit!

Well if it does turn out purple, try to pretend you did it on purpose!

Hope the hair colour works well! Just back from a meeting, it was a bit 'dry' but still interesting and useful!

Another day of sobriety!

How' you doing curry?

it worked, my hair is a sort of white blonde, i really like it , have booked my pedicure for tommorow afternoon and just fake tanned my poor old white legs - i feel pretty damn gorgeous

glad your meeting went well moomin, i think its ok to get a 'dry' one now and again, they all help in their own way, i think.

curry and venus - hope you are both having a nice evening? i really could have fancied a glass of wine about an hour ago, it so hot and muggy, i went outside in my nightie with a glass of juice and watered my pots instead, took an effort of will, but thankfully i managed whew!

Hello
Congratulations on another sober day, JWN.
Thanks for asking after me, helpmenow.
No booze here (for me - DP is drinking red wine) and I am going to go to bed.
he has just said he thinks I need to see a doctor for depression. The funny thing is although I have cried a lot today I don't feel bad.
Some strange things have happened to me and around me recently and I have struggled to process them. I've been drinking a shocking amount, even for me, and today that I haven't (I mean I even woke up without a hangover because I didn't drink yesterday) and spent most of the day alone (working from home) I feel like I am working through things a bit. It's tiring but it's not depression.

Anyway, sorry to ramble, good night to everyone

Well done curry!

That was a very sweet post, curry So glad you're being a little kinder to yourself. Take care.

Congrats for today, everyone!

curry - well done darling!!!!, the longer you can stay clear of the booze the better you will feel!

ime, it is near impossible to deal with the bad stuff that life throws at you while you are drinking - it only makes the bad stuff worse. - we are not unique in that bad stuff happens, we are just shit at dealing with it, non-alkies get on with it, we just go on a bender, very helpful

look after yourself today and tommorow will be even better

btw - i am finding classic fm is a lovely calming station to listen to, it seems to help melt stress away (i know, i know, dont forget that i am an ancient old bird )

Morning! I am sure that you are not an ancient old bird JWN!

curry - that's brilliant! I am sure that you will soon be feeling much better. I am 9 days in (on this occasion!) and when I think how I felt this time last week... Well, it's a world apart.

What are the plans for the weekend? I am off to meetings tonight and tomorrow night. I am also returning to the matrimonial home as I had been staying with my parents due to the carry on last week

Onwards and upwards to us all!!

morning moomin - i am so pleased to hear you are going home have a lovley time with your dh.

me, well, off to inlaws for a family occasion, i really dont want to go, my mil is an old bag who delights in being as awful as possible - to cap it all, dh has an art course to attend tommorow so i am going without him, to say he owes me is an understatement (its ok, i have my eye on a beautiful handbag )

i am going to meeting today, doing a bit of housework and then having a little wander round the shops - surely i need a new dress for tommorow? )

anyway - I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

With any luck the evil MIL will absolutely hate seeing you sober and glamorous. That should almost make it worthwhile having to spend time in her company.

It will be nice to be at home with all my own things about me.

Good luck with MIL! (I like what Annie said!) And you are definitely owed big time for going without dh...

Sounds like you have a lovely day planned for today and I think that you not only need a new dress for tomorrow you deserve it!

OK - just psyching myself up to be brave. I have found a meeting that I can go to at lunchtime today.

I am going to go for a swim, then to the meeting, then to the shops to get food (NO DRINK) for the weekend.

That's fantastic venus! Well done! This is a really hard step and you are so brave.

Please let us know how you get on. Will be thinking of you at lunchtime.

"and don't want to go in case someone knows me locally, etc etc etc etc etc etc"

Have you considered that anyone you meet is there for the same reason as you? Not only do they understand, but they are not really able to "out" you without "outing" themselves, are they?

I am in Crystal Palace and am going to a meeting in South Norwood tonight - is that any use to you?

Good luck at the meeting Venus!

Try to speak to someone, even if it's just whoever's doing the teas. So much of alcoholism is about loneliness and isolation.

venus - well done you!!! i will be thinking of you during meeting today.

ps my 'food' bill has gone down dramatically in the last few weeks! i honestly cannot find a single negative to do with NOT DRINKING!

GOOD LUCK MY LOVE!

btw - i was terrified before my first meeting - i just cant think why, now though!

Just hanging around to see how Venus got on!

Well I went, and I stayed, even though after about 20 minutes I felt like running away

It didn't feel like my "spiritual home" (not that that's what I was looking for) but I met a group of honest people who are staying sober. The person who was greeting everyone came and chatted to me and she has suggested a different meeting on Monday that she thinks would suit me.

Thanks for being on here and encouraging me.

JWN - I already know what you mean about the decreased 'food' bill .

I don't think it feels like anyone's "spiritual home" for the first few times - more like a clubhouse for likeable mad bastards. But honest mad bastards.

I think it becomes your spiritual home as you slowly remember what it is to have a spirit.