me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

Quite right too, ha ha!

Thanks for your messages. Yes moomin, looking to give up totally (at least for today).

Like others on here I have a good and fortunate life that I am putting at great risk. I have been drinking more and more. I am self-employed and have even been enjoying my own little "lunch-break".

My energy levels feel at rock bottom. I really hope that a few more days without alcohol will see me starting to be as enthusiastic as JWN.

I have now prepared dinner, without a glass of wine to accompany me - that feels like a small achievement.

venus - the first 2 weeks were exhausting - i felt tired all the time, absolutly bone weary - the good news is that it gets better, i have loads more energy even after only 4 weeks than i have had in years i used to get in from work, very often still pissed from lunchtime, open another bottle, make a bit of dinner and that would be it i would then be a drunken old dollop on the sofa until bedtime , it makes me feel quite ashamed to admit it

just do it a day at a time, i know that sounds a very well worn phrase, but, so far, ime, it works.

on a totally vain and shallow note, give it a week and if you are anything like me, the visual effects of giving up the booze are really worth it!

Thanks JWN - I sometimes think I look not bad, but that is usually late in the evening, and funnily the more wine I drink, the better I look. Until the next morning.

My dp has gone out and I sitting with a mug of herbal tea and a chocolate digestive. It's quite a temptation to have something else but taking aleaf out of your book JWN:

TODAY IT IS MY INTENTION NOT TO DRINK.

Well done Venus.

You look good because of the beer goggles no doubt.

I have stopped drinking too(had half a glass of red on saturday) and 17 days later I am 7lbs lighter and my mum said today that my face has changed.

I don't snap at the kids in the morning (as much) and feel so much brighter and better.

Herbal tea isnt that bad really. It doesnt 'hit the spot' like the booze does,but neither does it affect your liver, or make you bloated and puffy eyed.

You keep at it. This is a great thread wth some good advice. If you have a blip com and tell us. No-one will judge you on this particular thread.

well, been a good day, got quite a lot done, just done my nails and a bit of a facial, very refreshing this evening, its really muggy here.

venus hope your evening is going ok? i use the caps to kind of reinforce in my brain that I AM NOT DRINKING EITHER! melvyn is right, no judgy pants here , been too drunk for too long to cast stones at other people! i had no real idea when i started this thread of the way it would help/grow etc, its amazing

venus, are you going to AA?, just a question, not a recommendation, its for you to decide if you want to go, just have a quick look back though at the links that miflaw has left, i have found the passages quite helpful.

i am not keen on herbal tea, however, my friend gave me some starwberry infusion bags the other day, they are quite nice, tescos own i think.

well done melvyn - 7lbs is great isn't it

Good morning all. I hope that your evening remained successful for you venus. (Every day without a drink is a successful one!) Although I am only 7 days sober currently I did recently have 10 months behind me and on a shallow note I lost 2 stones, skin was amazing and my face was no longer bloated. (I think it's nice to know these things!)
To reiterate what Melvyn said - if you slip, come back, no judgements.
Have you thought about AA venus? As JWN said, it's your choice, just wondered. I have been to 5 meetings over 7 days and it has helped enormously. But each to their own.
Here's to another successful, ALCOHOL FREE day!

The beauty of being an ex-piss artist is that you can drink what you like, be it herbal tea or triple-shot lattes with a cola chaser, and it STILL won't be as bad for you as what you were drinking before. Especially in early days, don't feel the need to be virtuous - just do whatever it takes to stay away from alcohol (and other mind-altering drugs if that's been your bag). Yes, too much caffeine will dry oyu out and too much Vimto will make you fat - but that can be sorted later. The advice I was given, which still seems very sensible, is "solve these problems in the order in which they are killing you."

V wise, JWN, to wait before "doing" the steps formally - although don't overlook the informal groundwork you are already doing. Every time you attend a meeting, you are working Steps 1, 2 and 3. Every time you share honestly at a meeting, you are doing a little bit towards your 4 and 5 and potentially 10. Every time you say the Serenity Prayer, it is a tiny contribution to Steps 6 and 7 (and maybe 11). Each day you do not drink it is a partial amend to those around you (8 and 9). And every time you give up 5 minutes at the end of the meeting to talk to the (even newer) newcomer who is still afraid and rattling, or even give her half a cup of tea (so she doesn't spill it down her front with shaking hands) you are making a start on step 12. And my personal view is that working the Steps is far more important than simply "doing" them. Stick at what you're doing, because you're doing well.

Agree with MIFLAW. I drink huge amounts of Diet Coke now - I don't care though, it doesn't make me act crazy! The other thing I have found is that I have a newly developed sweet tooth - cake, chocolate, biscuits! All good - and I still lost weight. Just shows the amount of weight drink piles on you. Obviously the weight loss is a happy side effect of not drinking but it feels good too! One of the (many) things I got from AA in the early days is, be kind to yourself. And if that means some nice cake then I am all for it!

I don't drink much coffee becuase it stops me from sleeping well (ha! as if my sleep patterns have been normal!), and I'm not really into sweet drinks. The elderflower and grape with no added sugar was a bit too sweet so I am experimenting with things that are more refreshing.

I slept for a long time last night - no waking at 5am feeling rotten and guilty, but I have a very dull head this morning.

So now I'm embarking on day 4. My dd's boyfriend has just arrived to talk about his career and I think my dp is coming home from work at lunchtime. All helps to keep me occupied.

And today, like others on here, it is my intention mot to drink.

Venus - I didn't mean it was compulsory!

Just, you know, if that's your thing, then let yourself go for now.

Similarly, don't worry about ODing on elderflower.

venus, great to hear from you. You will feel rotten for a few days and then you will feel fantastic! I am the same as you at the moment, can't sleep, tired, just generally yuck. It will get better though, I know it will because it did for me and you can see how well JWN is doing. (Why, oh why did I go back to it?!)
What about soda water with lime? Or is that too sweet?

morning all! feeling good today, lovely to see venus is around and moomin too

i may get to meeting today, just need to see how the mornings work pans out.

venus - i find slimline tonic with ice and lime is really refreshing and not too sweet, i also had a headache for what seemed like weeks, it has gone now and generally im sleeping like a baby. i have got a dress on today that i couldn't wear last summer as i looked to fat in it (bloated, pudgy, and just not nice) i have now lost 8lbs and feel quite glam - i have always tried to look after my presentation, now i feel like my heart is really in it iyswim?

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

ps, you sound brighter with every post moomin

Hi JWN, yes am so much brighter than this time last week! I am just feeling really positive. Not only do I have all my AA friends from the past 13 months but I now have the support from all you guys on this thread too - thank you for starting it!

Wow - you are all doing really well and you do sound bubbly and positive in your posts

MIFLAW - just to quickly update, I asked dh last night and he immediately replied 'I don't drink that much' (if you hadn't pointed out the negative response as a defence mechanism I would never have picked up on it so thank you). Anyway, I just wanted to update you and don't want to take over this thread anymore so have started a new thread

hi everyone - please may i just have a little winge? - i have been to meeting, got all grounded etc. come back to office and my df calls, how am i?, 'fine, have got to the 4 week mark, doing really well' says me 'oh jolly good darling, mum and i are off on a wine-tasting weekend in france, we just decieded over lunch, can you feed the cats?' then he fucking hiccupped!!!

grrrr, i love them dearly, but they honestly have no fucking idea, i am trying so bloody hard whine whine whine , feel better just for gatting that out! and yes, i will feed the bloody cats.

'getting' doh!

Hi JWN, no worries about moaning! I find it worse when my parents act like alcohol cannot be even be spoken of in my presence! In case I immediately head off for a binge or something. I would prefer them to be normal. On the other hand that might annoy me too. They can't win, can they?!

At least we can let off steam here and in meetings!!

i know moomin, my dad is lovely but he is 'old school', thinks alkies are down and outs, cant understand that gay men are not interested in small boys and that you don't have to dress like a docker to be a lesbian (yes, he can be VERY hard work!) thank god my mum is a bit more informed! (mind you, she can do a good line in nagging and unhelpfulness )

Ah JWN these things are so tricky aren't they?

Luckily my parents are very aware that I am an alky (not that I thought it was lucky when I was still in denial!) so much so that they have both (along with my husband) attended 'open' meetings at various times so they have an understanding that 'we' are just as 'normal' as the next person - except when it comes to the demon booze! (My parents both love a drink but they are not alkies and they have been totally put off it at the moment anyway...) I take it it would be unlikely for your parents to do that? (Or would you even want them to?!)

At one stage I got to six months sober and drank again (don't worry, that's not obligatory!) Anyway, I got straight back into AA and was soon back on the right track.

A colleague from work who knew I was a piss artist invited me to a party. I was very pleased to be there, we were (and still are) good mates, but I confided to her that I felt a bit "antsy" around all these drinkers. She completely understood, she said (she had been an addict herself in her youth.)

Literally minutes later someone needed the gate opening for them and she thrust her large glass of red vino collapso into my hand to look after while she went to sort it out!

Well, another work day is almost over... Not going to a meeting tonight. Instead we are having a family conference with me, my husband, my parents and father-in-law... all about me! And how to avoid any further horror-binges. Argh! I know that it's lovely that they all want to support me and all that but I think I would be better off a meeting! I will end up crying too. Yuck.

Hope everyone has a good evening. Might be able to catch up after the horror event!

ohh moomin, that sounds a bit full-on

you poor thing!!! i too think its great that they all want to help, but i also think it is a bit much to kind of put you in the naughty chair, perhaps they need a gentle reminder that you are and ADULT who happens to be an alcoholic.