Very sad

[isallshit]

Who cares about me?
No one

Who have I seen today?
no one

Who is thinking about me?
no one

Have a great day tomorrow. Night night

night night theo x

Could you go for lunch with your workmates? Or say for one drink straight after work?

me too....shame you werent a bit nearer!!

wukter - nothing to say I couldn't go out with them except I feel awkward. Daft really. They're nice people, very friendly, but I feel self conscious when I'm out. Plus, them being young and slim and gorgeous..... they do ask if I want to go out for a friday drink and that, but I feel like I'd stand out as being different.

do they ever go anywhere different? cinema,restaurant?

I don't hang out with people often after work, but even going out for one drink and a chat helps you ease into it all.

Reading papers in the bath - how do you not get them soggy?!

If you're into reading, the Blackwell's near me has various talks (you can always chat to folk over a glass of wine - just pick someone else that's on their own - that's what I do! And quizzes too.)

isallshit,

if they are asking then I doubt they are just being polite. And who says you have to be thin to be beautiful.

I think you need a little bit of pampering.

And there are two sides of 40 and neither are the wrong side(this from a boring old 53 year old bloke...

You have changed slightly within this thread already.

Just think about smiling and feel it on your face. Just a little, eh?

I know from experience that life feels terrible sometimes, and that when people say cheer up it could be worse you juust want to smash their face in...lol

There are a lot of very caring people on here who don't know you in real life so you can say what you want, when you want and they won't preach. But you will get some good advice, and you never know there may be someone on here who lives near who eventually could make contact.

Good luck, get out there and smile. I love seeing a lady smile, it makes me smile back. So everyone gains

ineedabody - that's the thing. I wish I could have all of you lot here, in real life as you've all cheered me up so much.

But, I have taken all your advice especially about book clubs, where to find them, walking and maybe going out a bit more, like with the people at work.

it just seems to come naturally to them and I worry about it all!

I'm going to have a re-read through this tomorrow and I'll always remember how lovely you all were to me tonight. When I fathom out name changing I hope to be able to repay your kindness

Don't just remember!

Be part of the group here because I bet you can help others out, or just chat or waffle.

I am not a mum(obviously, although if I don't lose a stone or two soon it may look like I am expecting to be one soon... I come on here and waffle, whinge etc(which I have told off about...)but the majority of people on here are great.

And don't forget to smile....

isallshit - I think the main problem is your low self-esteem. I know how it feels as I've been overweight for some time and have avoided going to social events etc because of it, so it does become a bit of a disability. You could try a walking plan, (I think the website is gowalking or something). They send you a free step counter and tell you how to go about building up your fitness. Also, you could try a slimming club online, rather than going to one in RL, although having been to them, I'm sure you'd find them really welcoming and sympathetic, after all everyone is in the same boat there. Also, you could try volunteer work to boost your self esteeem - helping others makes you feel really valued and needed and help you to realise that you are important. Love yourself first, and then others will follow. I hope you can take the first steps to changing your life - you only get one go at it remember!

look on mumsnet local...there maybe a local meet up!

You don't need to change your life overnight, just do one thing you don't normally do and chances are you'll feel better for it. And walking is brilliant, just fresh air makes you feel better, you don't need the right trainers or any of that shit, just get out of the front door and go somewhere.

Good luck!

Only nasty people judge on things like weight. And who cares what they think? Your life won't turn into a glittershower of sparkles because a nasty person "accepts" you.
Nice people don't judge on those things. and they do enhance your life.

you're all making me blush now with your lovely postings!

Surprise - yours is so full of good ideas, I wish I was the sort of person who did all those things,even just one of those things. I wish I could stop wallowing. I'll have a look at the walking website as those step counters are meant to be good. How many do you do in a day?

Tiffany - I'd die of shame if I met a real life MN person and they knew I'd started this wallowy sad thread! But, I do feel so much better than when I started it, I apologise for being so morose.

Pshaw the odd wallow is neccessary from time to time. As long as it doesn't take over

Who cares about me?
lots of people on MN

Who have I seen today?
many virtual friends

Who is thinking about me?
a fair few of us

Don't hold back. join as many groups as you can then you can feel good when you dismiss some as not been for you!

I felt very lonely when I moved counties to live with my now DH. I tried a few things but it took a while to make friends. I always felt self conscious within a group and especially one to one. I've since moved again and had my DD. I have joined lots of groups because of my DD and have managed to make lots of good friends. The only reason I have made these friends is becasue we have DCs in common. BUT, you don't need a DC to find a group that you can have things in common with ie book group, walking group, gym classes etc.

When invited to go for a drink GO! You might surprise yourself and have lots in common. If you don't - what have you lost???

The sad thing is that there are lots of people out there feeling the same. it'd be great for them all to get together then no one would have to be sad and lonely.

Just remember - you have lots to offer!

bluebell got there first
Iw as going to suggest an allotment

the group down mine are often thre in the shed having a bbq and a drink together til gone midnight. I'm much healthier for it and its very sociable as well as learning loads from the old hands down there. Plus I get lovely healthy food from it

I think I've got most of it out on here, so tomorrow I'm going to read through all your great advice again (skipping over the wallowing bits from me, they're not good reading)

I hope I can one day offer some help as you all have. I can't believe I admitted things I've never said out loud and you all understood. Thank you, now don't make me cry again!

Lets hope it's tears of relief that you can tell someone and not be ignored.

Wallowing is ok if it gets it off of your chest.

Just think of this site as a punchbag when things get you down..

Isallshit ~ I'm glad you're feeling a bit cheerier.

I don't know if it's the done thing on here to recommend another forum but I thought the Woman and Home Magazine website might be helpful to you. There's a walking club board so you could have a look and see if there's a group local to you that you could join or if not then start your own.

There are other boards there too so have a look and see if anything grabs your attention.

You can change things (I lost 76lbs by walking every day and eating less) so please reconsider Weight Watchers. If your weight is holding you back then it can't hurt to try can it? Just go to one meeting. If you really hate it then don't go back. You can follow the plan online but you might find the 30minute meetings with other people in the same boat helpful.

Chin up!

Apologies if I'm copying anyone, as (unusually for me) I haven't read the entire thread before posting. I did read as far as bubble1's post about how an external makeover did not magically help her, and it made an excellent point.

OP, this really starts and ends with your self-esteem. You don't like yourself, therefore you assume everyone else must not like you too. You see every look, every comment, every friendly invitation as either a put-down or not sincere, because you "know" you're not worth it. That is a sad state for a nice person to be in. And you are a nice person. You want to get along with other people, not shoot them for being different to you. The girls at work wouldn't invite you to cast a damper on their Friday drinks if they saw you as a miserable cow. You have as much right to take up space on the planet as anyone else, and more than some.

Believe me, the majority of people on the bus are not thinking how rough you look. If I'm on a bus, likely I'm looking round at people simply because there's nothing else to rest my eyes on; most unlikely I even notice what they look like. Those who do notice may be thinking "I wonder why that nice lady looks sad". You assume they are thinking bad things about you because that's what you would think. But do you think bad things about other people on the bus? No - you're too busy judging yourself to judge them! If you appear in semi-naked glory in the local swimming baths, chances are that skinny woman next to you is contemplating her own tiny tum with such horror that she isn't even aware there's a woman twice her size next to her. She doesn't care what you look like, it's what she looks like, and she doesn't like it! Meanwhile the super fit tanned confident ones are counting off how many lengths they can bash off in half an hour - again they haven't noticed the hesitant newcomer by the shallow end steps. Anyone who does tut at you for being in their privileged line of sight has not only bad manners but a strange distorted view of reality, if they think the world is all about what they want to see. You're doing your thing and it's none of their damned business. (OK, I'm hideously overweight too and I really should go swimming, but I don't because I can't be arsed, not because anyone in the world in space might not like the sight of me in my cossie. They can always stop looking.)

My mother was the sweetest woman in the world, but she suffered from what she called "failure feelings" or FFs for short, convinced she was a waste of oxygen, beating herself up for every tiny mistake, and yes, hating her weight, which she always wrestled with. People liked my mother. Her honesty and kindness and exceptional intelligence shone through the depression. But she was always so ruddy grateful they would bother to spend time with her! It's depression I think, partly chemical, partly childhood conditioning. A combination of counselling and ADs may help, both available through your GP. Do not be afraid to contact him/her. You do deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Good Morning isall I hope you are still feeling more upbeat.
I live in the West Midlands and I'm pretty sure Birmingham has quite a few friendship clubs (I'll have a root around and see if I can find names)They organise meetings talks and trips out for people who simply want to meet more people.
I think you should definatly go for a drink with your work colleagues even just once because then you have done it,for them to keep asking they must want you to and if you dont like it you dont have to go again.
I went through a period of feeling v lonely and its difficult because you need to push yourself at exactly the time you dont feel like it so take little steps.When you buy the paper try and make just a small conversation with shop assistant,when your on the bus smile at someone (I liked the thought of that person being cheered up by a complete stranger smiling at them because I know it would make me feel good)
You need to start feeling confident about yourself so how about a pampering day?either go somewere or do it yourself-facial nails etc. shallow but it works for me.
And have you thouht about volunteering for somthing at the weekends/in the evenings. I'm pretty sure barnados (or it might be nspcc)are looking for one on one buddies for children,or you could help at a charity shop?
You are not alone as I am sure thousands of people feel like this every day but you have taken the first step to making a difference so just keep going!

isallshit - haven't read all the posts but wanted to say sorry you feel so lonely.

There have been many great suggestions as to how to get out and about a bit more, and I wanted to add a few of my own that have helped me.

I live in the Midlands, but not near family or old friends, my DC are away at Uni, my H left 8 months ago and I am trying to rebuild my life.

I have a part time job and that leaves many hours to fill, but I would like to work full time.

I walk everyday, just being outside feels great, I also do something in the garden most days, I am lucky to be able to go to the gym. The exercise, of any kind, and especially the 'free' kind, is good for your natural feel good hormones, endorphines (sp.?).

I don't know if you drive or live in town but if you can then Waterstones run book groups.

I am the 'wrong side of 40' too, there is a group in the midlands called 'friends around 40' (I think), they have a website, they organise walks and trips.

I have been, by myself, to the theatre and museums. On a sunny day I sit at cafes with a magazine or book and a glass of wine, watch the world go by.

I have done the dancing thing too, and believe me, there are many shapes and sizes there, not every one is lithe and beautiful.

It is good to be out of the house and around other people, even though you are not engaged in conversation, it does make you feel less isolated.

Hope all of this and what others have suggested helps.

isallshit - How are you this morning?
Several people have suggested walking and I have to second that. I have just done 3 miles in the local park and have enjoyed the last of the blossom, seen some ducklings and said Good Morning to lots of people. If you have'nt been out yet do go....and you will be starting to get fit as well!
I joined Slimming World on my own and everyone was friendly and welcoming and I wondered why I had held back for so long!Good Luck!