How is Sykes!

[ForestFly]

Not been here for a month! Trying to live a normal life as a singleton! Wondering how the lovely people are that gave me such good advice, M2T etc... all of you!!! Where has the mums arms gone? Still gutted, but have a grip on it

Hi FF. Glad to hear you are doing okay. It'll get so much easier from now on.

Not great - good days do come sometimes but dds missing him a lot despite the fact they see him about four times a week. Glad you're doing better.

Hello sykes and forestfly, glad you are both doing ok.Good to hear from you both.

Advice sought. H been away for seven weeks now. He sees the children loads. I decided, probably foolishly, to force the issue last week and a conversation that started with him being very cold and detached re the situation - ie, accept it, it's over, ended with him crying so much that he could hardly speak, saying he was selfish and had never stopped loving me and wanted time to think about what to do. The next day he looked dreadful. Saturday back to usual self (ie current usual self - person I don't know) as was Sunday - ie, detached, cocky, not admitting that when I move he'll only see the children once a week but admitting that he was putting himself first. I am being a complete fool, I presume in hoping he'll revert to the sensitive, caring person he really is and get over this infatuation? My dds are SO upset and despite everything I miss him and love him. My eldes dd asks about him constantly. He doesn't really see this/blocks it out. I suppose if he can block it out then he's not the person I thought he was and we all deserve more. Advice? Please be gentle.

Hi Sykes.... men can be so fickle can't they. He is obviously torn in this situation, but is blocking out the most traumatic part..... the effects on his children. He must feel that if he is just cold toward you then his feeligns for you will eventually stop and he'll see he's made the right decision. That seems to be what he's trying to convince himself of anyway.

You are doing the right thing. Just don't let him weadle his way back into your life unless he is absolutley sure his affair is over.

And yes you do deserve much more than this!! You are doing so well, the kids will adjust (it must be awful at the moment ).

Take care.

Thanks for reply. I can't seem to accept it's over but his current action should make me. I just think he doesn't understand what he's doing and will come to his senses. Maybe it's me who needs to come to her senses. Oh, dear.

I think probably the best thing to do is to assume he will never come to his senses and carry on as if this is the case. Then if/when he does crawl back then you will be in a good position to choose rather than just welcoming him with open arms.

Could you arrange a night out with him? Just you and him to talk things through properly?? Has he said he will never come back to you?

I really hope you can get all this straightened out in your head. It can't be nice being in limbo like this.

I can't talk without breaking down - v grown up and ending up with mascara all over my face. He has said before and since Wednesday evening that he was never coming back. But because on Wednesday evening - the first time since he left he said he wanted to think about it - I got stupidly hopeful. Back to his norm on Sunday. I am being remarkably thick, I think.

You're not being thick!! You are clinging onto your marriage that you so dearly want to keep together. It's perfectly natural, especially if he comes around with all those mixed signals.

Keep trying to move on and try to convince yourself that he is not going to come back. And if he did a few months down the line then you probably won't want him by then!

Hang in there.... try to do lots to distract you and also try to get a wee social event organised.... a night out with the girls, but make sure you go someplace that you and H had never been before.

Sykes, you are not being 'remarkably thick'... you love him. You don't deserve how you are being treated but I do agree with M2T that you have to assume he is not coming back an dget on with your life. If he does ever come back to you, you will be in a position then to make a rational decision. I really feel for you and your children. I know you can't believe it at the moment but it will get easier. Best wishes, Winniex

Thanks for messages. I go out at least once a week and stay with a friend. Also make him sit on Mondays as I do a ballet class. Most weekends are taken up having people to stay/staying with friends so I do keep busy but it just rubs it in seeing all the other doting dads.

Hi Sykes keep ya chin up girl.

Thanks, Doormat. I'm pathetic and need to get a grip.

No your not pathetic at all.It is so hard at first but it will get easier as other posters have said. Trust us.

I hope so. I just can't stop wanting to make him see reason. How can people leave their children? I do know your situation was horrendous and am amazed by your strength. Wish I had your backbone. I'm turning into a jellyfish.

Men can be so selfish, but hey alot of people here are thinking about you and forestfly etc.Do one thing though and that is dont give him the satisfaction that you are hurting. Contact me if you like, just go to contact a member but it is entirely up to you.Take care.

Sykes, of course you are not being thick or pathetic - it has only been a few weeks and not really enough time to come to terms with the shock, the implications for you and your daughters and so who on earth can blame you for holding on to any optimistic outlook - especially one which nearly turns back the clock.

Here's to a happier Sykes who will emerge from all this in the not too distant future

doormat, where is 'contact a member'?

Yes, I can't find it either - just back from a ballet class and ignored h who'd been babysitting. My immaturity is so impressive ....

Sykes, I don't have any advice, just wanted to second what others have said, it will get easier, and also that right at the top of this page, under "useful stuff", you should see a link called "contact another talker"

Oh Sykes, huge hugs. I feel for you so much. You are not mad or pathetic - just heartbroken I think.
I think I have fallen out of love with my H over the last 6 months and that is why although I feel sad, depressed and angry I don't feel the same sense of devastation that you do.
Please call me if you want to rant etc.

Thanks, Bugsy. I'd love to rant one evening if you have the time. Everyone seems to have moved on apart from me, which is worrying. I think it's dds which hurt the most. Eldest dd spent yesterday telling our nanny how cross she is with daddy, that she wants mummy to tell him off and that she wants him to come home. She also wakes up at least twice a night now. Are your children okay? Still hope to meet up - let me know if you're still able to. And don't have your number, please send if you have time. Aren't you exhausted?

I certainly don't think I've moved on yet. Meeting H on Thursday night to try and work out the best way of going forward. He is no saying he might want to come back but also admitted that SHE has suggested a break!!! He really must think I've been taking "La,la" pills.
Yes, I am exhausted mentally. Physically feeling a bit better as I've had two Saturdays all to myself in the last month and dd finally seems to be sleeping better.
I'll e-mail you my number and please do feel free to call. I'm usually sitting here on my own most nights!

Thanks, Bugsy. Would love to talk. Hope it gets better for you.

I've sent a message via Mumsnet as I seem to have made a mess of transferring e-mail addresses from work to home computer!