DW is hobbyless

[Andy1964]

Not too sure where to post this.

I've always been an outdoors type of person.
Hikeing, Swimming, Surfing, Sailing, Camping, Scuba Diving, Motorcycling, Kite Flying, Football, camping to name but a few.

Obviously all of these take the backburner since marriage and family.
I don't regret it, It's not a problem for me or DW.

Unlike me the DW has no interests which I find quite strange and sometimes frustrating.

She is a SAHM so could do with some interests to break up her week but NOTHING presses her buttons.

I'd love something we can do together but still can't find anything.

We have two DS, 7 and 10, we have been camping twice, they loved it, DW put on a brave face, not her idea of fun.

So, list a few interests that might spark and interest in DW either by herself or with me or as a family.

mumsnet

Have you actually asked her what she would like to do as a family?

Have you asked her what she might fancy?

Now the children are older she could be pursuing her own stuff- what does she like to do?

Have you said you would really like to be able to do somehting togehter? I would have LOVED it if my (estranged) DH had ever said anything like that to me...

Sorry spellings, dyslexic

drinking cups of tea, doing the crossword, watching lost, medium, house, bones on download, surfing the net of course, going for walks, chatting to friends, clothes shopping, cooking, having a little bit too much gin in my gin and tonic..

all of these are my hobbies, but of course on my CV I would say, urrrr, latin american culture and em playing the clarinet.

If anybody tried to prevent me from doing any of the above because they didn't consider them 'worthy' enough, like say 'sailing' then I'd get really cross.

Does she think she needs some interests, or is it just you thinking that she does ?

Maybe all she would like is a long lie in on a Saturday while you take the kids out, or a weekend to herself when you take them camping

chicken keeping
historical re-enactment
feminist activism

oh you wanna do stuff together as a family. soryr.

do you really like kite flying?

Do you have bikes? A family cycle ride is nice. You could even get a tandem!

Does she even want a hobby?

Perhaps a 'date night' would do the trick - (apologies for coming over all american.)

DH would love to go camping but I let it be known, during the dating stage, that I only consider a proper holiday to consist of a nice hotel and room service.

However, I have graciously agreed to stay in a 5 star hotel whilst DH and our boys slum it have their adventure in a tent down the road.

binge drinking ?

Take the boys camping and let her have a nice peaceful weekend.

Dos she want to "break up her week" or is it just that you imagine she must want to, because it would drive you nuts?

People are different - in my spare time I read, play on the computer, sometimes garden, sometimes sew. I don't think I'd claim to have anything that would count as a hobby, just things I do with my spare time.

Of course I've asked her what she would like to do.

Durrrrr!

She would like to find something to get interested in but has never found it.
TBH both DW and BIL were encouraged to do anything but housework and decorating by their parents.

Our holiday this year is a week in a tent. We are joining close family friends.

Ask her what she used to love to do as a child/young teenager.

As a wife/mother you can forget about yourself and how you used to have fun. I've just started horseriding again and am having refresher lessons. Haven't really ridden (except for the very occasional holiday ride) in the last 18 years due to time/cost etc. I am thoroughly enjoying myself (and DH has noticed the change in me) but can hardly walk/sit down comfortably though .

After a 12yr break from it for DH and my horror of it (i damaged my knee skiing age 16) we went on a ski holiday as a family and had a fantastic time. Did it again a yr later and i learnt to snowboard as well! Watching your children learn to ski is so inspiring, and i really felt i had to get out on the slopes with them and not be left behind.

However since you were once so outdoorsy she might be feeling intimidated - what about something thats new for you as well - wall climbing, or a yoga retreat (ho ho) or a neilson or sunsail holiday where she can happily be left alone next to the pool or might be tempted out on to the water herself.

Most mums often have trouble making time for themselves to do things, and no longer think of things to do outside of the house because we're so used to being the ones that have to be there for the kids. Do you make it possible for her to have an outside interest, i.e. does she understand you will be available on a regular basis if she wanted to take a class of some sort?

You sound like my dh- bet you say on a Friday night "what are your PLANS for the weekend"?
I hate outdoorsy stuff- I like the idea of dh doing stuff with the dcs- I do other things with them.
I positively encourage dh to play golf (4 times a week), squash, gym- he has recently taken up sailing so that's a few weekends sorted.
I am happy at home, reading, shopping, having lunchies- go to a spa for 4 days once a year- maybe she'd like to do that.
Hear hear magalyzz- I don't want to do activities either!

What do her friends do or mums from school? Could she go to the gym or a fitness class with someone? What about something not sporty like cake decorating or wine tasting? Would she join a local book club? Or start going to the theatre or cinema regularly?

is it necessary to have a hobby and planned events all the time?

i love to read.

i read my book for half an hour today in the park, with a cold drink ,waiting for the DCs to finish school. not a planned event, I had some spare time, so took advantge of teh sun

i love cooking, every few weeks i'll set aside a day to batch cook and try new recipes .. i don't plan it, i have to see how things happen

just because i odn't plan stuff, doesn't mean i don't have hobbies, interests etc..

Tennis.

Doesn't ruin your nails.

Sociable.

Can get sweaty or not, depending.

Decorative male coaches

Gossipy sub culture

Riding

Need not ruin your nails

Sociable if you like large bonkers animals with dubious tempers

Not at all sweaty in the winter

Male riders cause a stir

Gossipy sub culture

Some kind of crafty thing - jewllery, knitting, sewing, weaving, soap making, model railway? I would love to do these if I had time.

Geneaology?

Swimming

Does not ruin your nails, will ruin your hair

Sociable if you like large scary swimmers with dubious tempers

Not at all sweaty but wet & cold

Male swimmers cause a nuisance

Gossipy sub culture

Lulu I'd class reading as a hobby.

andy I'd recommend you go camping more often, just you and the boys, no point in missing out on such a fun experience just because your DW doesn't enjoy it.

Presumably you knew she was like this before you married her? Presumably you accepted it in her then?

Is she passionate about anything?

I personally wouldn't last long in a reltionship with a person who had no interests of passions or hobbies.

Would she like sewing? Is she creative? Dance? book groups? Dry-Stone walling?

Mosaic, mosaic, mosaic.

i believe it is THE answer to the hobbyless.

Orienteering