DW is hobbyless

[Andy1964]

Not too sure where to post this.

I've always been an outdoors type of person.
Hikeing, Swimming, Surfing, Sailing, Camping, Scuba Diving, Motorcycling, Kite Flying, Football, camping to name but a few.

Obviously all of these take the backburner since marriage and family.
I don't regret it, It's not a problem for me or DW.

Unlike me the DW has no interests which I find quite strange and sometimes frustrating.

She is a SAHM so could do with some interests to break up her week but NOTHING presses her buttons.

I'd love something we can do together but still can't find anything.

We have two DS, 7 and 10, we have been camping twice, they loved it, DW put on a brave face, not her idea of fun.

So, list a few interests that might spark and interest in DW either by herself or with me or as a family.

Embalming is always lots of fun

Was she looking for a job then if she is going to be contacted for an interview ?

Woohooo!

I love working Nothing beats getting into work, talking to lots of different people, achieving something tangible, going out for lunch with the girls, and being paid for it!

Fingers crossed for your DW

(PS sorry for the plaigarising (sp) jamie )

Andy1964 Two questions.

1. Can you afford a cleaner?
2. Can your mother afford a cleaner?

Why the hell is your DW spending Monday & Friday doing housework. Your DC are at school all day - there should be time to do a little housework as she goes along.

"the family have been in the house all weekend so it needs a going over"

err - this says to me that you and your DC are not pulling your weight wrt tidying and cleaning

You will not endear yourself to many here by saying that MN is the last place you'd recommend to your DW.

Why how very very patronising! You are using MN for support - are you so insecure in your relationship that you think your DW will start posting and be advised to leave you and then actually leave you!

I really don't think that you can "come up with a hobby for her".

If your DW does get the job then I hope you will suggest that the additional income is used on a cleaner?

err obviously that was more than 2 questions but the first 2 are the most important to me!

It's not a cleaning job is it? I think that might just finish her off!

I seriously hope she won't be expected to clean 3 houses on top of paid employment...

And ditto everything tabouleh said.

Also in agreement with tabouleh

DW gets paid for the cleaning.
It's a private thing, cash in hand.

Tabouleh - you have just said what I was thinking, but wasn't sure how to express!

7 and 10 is more than old enough to do stuff around the house - I wouldn't like to feel that the first thing I did on a Monday was clear up after everyone else - what do you all do at the weekend OP ?

Yes, I too should have reared up in defence of MN. We are very nice and very helpful

Erm, so not a SAHM then like you said in your OP?

I kind of agree too to be fair Andy. I know you'll probably see this as Man-bashing or something, but the fact that you are trying to organise your DW, saying she needs a hobby when what she really needs in my opinion is to be cut some slack, given some breathing space to enjoy what she likes to do, and help getting over her depression - by being cut some slack, given some breathing space from the DC's and housework, and having her confidence gently built back up by a supportive husband, not one who trys to make her find other activities to do.

Soo.... Welll,
I dont know how to approach this.
You have listed your activities and interests, and qualified your statement saying they obviously take second place.

It is a pretty long list of interests. How do they take second place? Do you only do each and every one of them ONCE a week?

You say you will of course stay with the kids IF and WHEN your wife finds a hobby.
Does she know this? Has she seen evidence of your hands on parenting, or does she know that if she goes out, she returns to dirty dishes (because she was not there to clean them) and kids who are still awake, homework not done, etc. Does she KNOW that you will step up to the mark and do all the things that she does as a wife and mother, while she is out?

Because if she doesnt, no wonder she is mildly depressed, and no wonder she cant think of a hobby. She probably knows that she is going to come back late, have all the housework still to do before going to bed.

If you are serious about your wife getting a hobby, or an interest, then you need to ensure that she knows you will do all these things.

The very idea that the entire family is home at the weekend, and she spends monday cleaning up and doing housework, gives me the idea that you are an utter slob, a bad husband who is leaving all the housework to her.

Can you afford a cleaner? It seems like you need one. Your wife is not a sahm, she is a part time cleaner, and possibly also full time "domestic services personell".

Earlier you said 'rather than just the humdrum SAHM she got herself in'

Please tell me the job interview was HER idea.

very interesting - she is not a SAHM - she is the primary care giver with a part time job!

Can I ask if your DW had a job before you had the DC and if so what was the job?

Can I also ask what hours you are out of the house M-F.

We MNers need this info in order to be able to properly assist you!

I assume that you are aware that she should be registered as self employed with HMRC? Of course if she is earning under the threshold there will be no NI and tax to pay.

Perhaps she could set up properly as a business and find more paying customers. I do hope that she is charging them the going rate for cleaning.

dear oh dear oh dear

And your wife is depressed, you say? How very surprising.

oh, he threw his rattle out of the pram!!

Ooooooooooooooooh

I expect your DW longs for girl time away from the three men in her life and their male interests (eg hiking, swimming, surfing, sailing, camping, scuba diving, motorcycling, kite flying, football, camping etc). I doubt she has no interests - I expect you just don't see where her interests lie, because they are very different to yours.

Give her a break and let her do things with her girlfriends while you take the boys camping etc etc etc.

Well that explains a lot actually.

Good bye now, don't let the door hit you on your arse on the way out.

Andy - don't flounce. come back and tell her how she's wrong (if she is)

Andy,
If you are going to throw a hissy fit at anybody who disagrees with you, then, this is not very good, and you need to think about why this is.

FWIW. My dh shares your interests. He loves cycling, windsurfing, skiing, motorbiking, kite surfing, and what not.

He managed to nurse me out of depression (and out of pretty bad SPD), many moons ago. He arranged for an au pair for us, got us a cleaner, he bought me a top end bike for family days out cycling. Slowly, he helped rebuild me.

For your wifes sake, I hope you are like him in more ways then just your spare time interests.

Ooooh you sound lovely.