DW is hobbyless

[Andy1964]

Not too sure where to post this.

I've always been an outdoors type of person.
Hikeing, Swimming, Surfing, Sailing, Camping, Scuba Diving, Motorcycling, Kite Flying, Football, camping to name but a few.

Obviously all of these take the backburner since marriage and family.
I don't regret it, It's not a problem for me or DW.

Unlike me the DW has no interests which I find quite strange and sometimes frustrating.

She is a SAHM so could do with some interests to break up her week but NOTHING presses her buttons.

I'd love something we can do together but still can't find anything.

We have two DS, 7 and 10, we have been camping twice, they loved it, DW put on a brave face, not her idea of fun.

So, list a few interests that might spark and interest in DW either by herself or with me or as a family.

zzzenagain - check out geocaching dot com and gagb dot co uk

Right, thanks for all the replies. I seem to have a handle on what's going on now.

The post was not an excuse for me to go out and do more of MY hobbies. I am more than willing to stay at home with the kids should DW decide that she wants to go out Geothinging every weekend, so those that posted that kind of comment can calm down.

Most recent post was "is she depressed"
Yes, mildly.

As to what does she do while the kids are at school.
Monday, is housework, the family have been in the house all weekend so it needs a going over
Tuesday, she cleans at my mothers house.
Wednesday, freee day, she may go out to breakfast or may just potter around at home, visit grandparents.
Thursday, she cleans at a friends mothers house.
Friday, housework.
Once or twice a month she runs the second hand school uniform shop.

I guess now I have read some of your replies that hobbies are not necessarily activities.
Sounds weird to me but I understand it.
She does not really enjoy the pottering around at home, the housework or the school uniform shop so I would not really class them as a 'hobby' in the sense we have discussed.

There was one really good idea and we have both thought about it.
Photography!
I'm the photographer in the house, I studied it at college, just never found a good job in it.
Now, with the invention of the DSLR she is taking a bit of an interest and has said she would like to take it up.
We don't have a DSLR but do have a decent prosumer camera that can be operated manualy and automaticley.
We also have Adobe Photoshop Elements on the laptop so she could play around with the pictures she takes without the expense of setting up a darkroom.

We have also considered dance classes as something we can do together that might be worth investigating, I know I could do with some excersise and it would be fun.

Thanks for the replies, I did not abandon the thread, I was busy last night.

Good luck with the photography - that's a great idea! Could easily be incorporated into family days out to stately homes or similar.

All the best!

If she wanted, phootography could be extended in to crafty activity and pics used for making greeting cards.

if she cleans your own home, your mother's and a friend's mother's house, I think that is a lot of cleaning.

I think dancing is good, it lifts your spirits if it isn't too finicky, if the music is nice, it picks you up and it is sociable.

Good luck, I think it is nice that you are concerned about her and looking for some fun things to liven her life up a bit, good for you

Is she getting paid for all this cleaning at other people's houses?

Bloody hell, if I was cleaning that many houses then I think I would seriously consider having a hobby of too much gin...

Yes, and al I would want to do when I was not cleaning would be put my feet up in front of the telly, never mind an improving hobby

Yes, Rubberduck is right, actually. If I were cleaning 3 times more houses than I already am I wouldn't be full of the joys of living either. I might even tell you tell stick your tent up your arse

Not surprised she's 'slightly depressed' cleaning all the time! What are her talents? What can she be applauded for?

We're finding orienteering to be a good all family activity, esp with kids the ages of yours. Has the advantage of getting you out into the fresh air, which lifts spirits, and they do courses at various levels to suit different abilities. Not necessary to run either.

If she is mildly depressed, then I'm wondering if she needs more social contact in the day time, and more positive feedback. A way in which I have improved my skills, confidence, and mood is Voluntary work - there is a really wide variety of stuff out there - it is not necessarily everyone's idea of vluntary work - eg charity shop, or visiting elderly people (though that might suit).

In my case it has been great because I have done as much or as little as I wanted, and unlike some paid employment, have got a lot of thanks and feedback.

In my case, doing voluntary work has increased my enthusiasm for all sorts of other things in life.

A really good website to find voluntary jobs to suit is: do-it

Andy1964

I know this is a bit of a tangent, but does she have friends?

it seems like maybe what she really needs is a circle of friends to meet up with (either to do an "activity" or just to chat)?

apologies if I'm wrong

if I'm right then I think what she really needs is not so much a "hobby", but more a way of meeting people. Maybe she could get chatting to other mums at school... the school uniform sale? or go to a local exercise class?

I agree minipie

Andy, if you think she might be depressed, or just down, encourage her to come on here, as many of us totally understand.

Just not AIBU

Making things?

arts and crafts, art, scrapbooking, textiles, pillows, cushions, raggydolls, it could lead her into design or she may become interested in older designs and then become intersted in history and vintage things, collectables and learning about movements and such

growing things

from plants, to vegetables or fruit, she'll get a lot of pleasure from having homegrown organic food for the family which is practically free, colourful flowers that will naturally brighten her mood each day, nature walks in the country, to get her out and about and appreciating the beauty of life, would not only lift her spirits but
could lead to an interest in nature and insects, which could lead her to photography or film

she may feel she needs an outlet, maybe writing or journalling, keeping a blog of her life, which could also lead her to photography or home making

i'm not sure of much else she could do from home??

if she wants to get into something physical like sports or such, there should be plenty things like that around

but i think if she spends a lot of time at home, and she has enjoyed or been used to decoarating in the past, mayeb she could expand on that.

designing, creating and developing inspiration for things around the home would be a good place to get started and see where it leads her.

Hope that helps, Good luck

Jamieandhismagictourch,

The last place I would encourage her to come would be on here.

There are some, on other threads, who would have her leaving and divorcing me for leaving the toilet seat up.

She has seen the doctor and she IS mildly depressed.

It's more a case of having some worth to life rather than just the humdrum SAHM life she has got herself into.

I would be more than prepared to come home and have to cook, clear up, iron etc, etc If she had spent all day out with a camera/with friends/studying etc etc.

In fact I'm more than happy to do that if she just can't be bothered and has lazy days.

Gonna give the photography thing a go, and will keep an eye out in the local press for dance classes.

I get you

I know all about the mildly depressed SAHM thing. Doing and achieving really helps. You sound very supportive, and I know it's frustrating and hard looking on

if she's interested in dance - i know you won't be able to join in with this, but what about Belly Dancing?

I've found it very helpful with my moods and general outlook on life. (and i've been doing it for about 4 1/2 years now)

Just one small point Andy,

Mumsnet is so much more than relationship bashing. There's a whole network of people on here who are inspiring, infuriating and at times challenging and it's a rewarding place to be sometimes.

Also, if she does find a hobby she likes, such as the photography, step back from it and let her go at her own pace. It's really annoying when you start to develop a hobby at your on pace and your DH comes and goes
"oh you need this and that, and to do it like this and that and have that setting to do this" and then you feel railroaded and loose interest. I'm not saying that you will do this, but be careful. It's easy to kill a fledgling hobby with overenthusiasm from a partner.

Andy, i have posted yesterday suggesting some fun things but today i see that you are saying she has depression. I can understand your frustration, i honestly do, but i'm afraid starting a hobby doesn't magically cure depression (although fresh air and mild exercise can help a lot). If anything, organised activity can stress the depressed person even more.

I believe you that you want to support her but i think you need to understand depression in order to do so.
Sorry i dont mean this in a patronising way.

Good point Laquitar.

Perhaps just going out walking more would be a good start?

I don't think anyone can really understand depression unless you are depressed.
I do understand that it IS a medical condition and not a mental one.

We do go out for walks, we walk the dog together two or three times a week. sometimes neither of us fancy going out with the dog but we 'drag' eachother out.

I also appreciate the comment about killing a hobby with my enthusiasm. Point taken ta!

Good news on the horizon though, gonna derail the thread a bit: -

DW is going to be contacted soon to go for an interview for a job.
She has worked at the place before and knows the interviewer.
Fingers crossed

She spends 4 days a week cleaning?

Fuck me.

What about her getting a job?

Obviously cleaning can be a job

But I was thinking of something more sociable and rewarding.

Voluntary work maybe?

I said that! ISNT

But she's going for a paid job now ..