GGG
in a nutshell - met exh - we were colleagues but unequal ones - and had previously been a lecturer on a u/g degree I did as a mature student.
Not my usual type at all. He appeared gauche but think that's an act and quite unemotional. Had a facade of caring. Sex OK at the beginning but never set the world on fire.
Got married quite quickly within two years and things OK really until we moved to our own place. Had ds1 and really after that everything went downhill in many ways including sex. I was very up for it and he wasn't basically. Also very unaffectionate.
Often made little digs about women's bodies and often came out with some quite misogynistic things (imo) about women in general.
I could never agree with his intellecualising and rationalising of life and we often argued about it - I used to say it's as much a belief system as fact and I saw it as his way of distancing himself against feelings or it could be that he has aspoergers (one of his female friends suggested he did)
We had ds2 (miraculously) and then between his birth and us splitting up (ds2 was just 5) had sex once.
Had suspicions of OW (plural) but didn't find any solid evidence. Quite a ladies man though.
He wouldn't address any of the issues, wouldn't go to relate yet said we couldn't split because 'he would end up living in a bedsit'. Basically put me through hell and I must say my attitude to him because of this was not great but I was exceptionally miserable.
Was never really loving to me or not my idea of how a partner should act towards their OH.
Eventually all imploded when he didn't pay the mortgage for six months and I forced the sale of the house.
By the end I didn't actually want to have sex with him and would have had an affair if the opportunity had presented itself.
he found a new victim partner within four months of our split. And has gone on to have dcs with her. The power imbalance there is different because she has money. Tho I found out he witholds info about his finaces from her - he told me in fact.
All very quickly which has been hard for my
dcs.
I would say it was a viscious(sp) circle - sex goes, intimacy goes, resentment builds. We were very angry with each other but on my part it was often sexual frustration combined with tiredness combined with deep hurt at the rejection I felt.
By taking no action to address it he was actually speaking volumes. Though he went round telling people we had grown apart. If I met a man with small dcs who said the same I would be very suspicious that there was not some other back story tbh.
Hope that helps.