Over the Shoulder Boulder Holster

[ItsGraceAgain]

How are you?

Oh my god, that's awful.

Don't leave the kids with him, whatever you do. You already know how horrible he can be to them.

The man is an arse. Please, Over, do move forward and do seek help from all possible sources. I know what that feels like - marital rape. The awareness that you're crying, while your husband, uncaring, fucks your body is just the most miserable, helpless feeling, isn't it?

You're not helpless. To change your life will take strength & intiative. You have both of those by the bucketload. Call help. Good luck! xxxxx

I'm so, so sorry OTSBH He raped you and I'm truly sorry.

What he did was wrong, and not your fault. He is a rapist. He is domestically violent. He is emotionally abusive. You do not deserve this, you deserve better.

Please don't linger another day. He will and has stepped up the violence towards you now you've talked of leaving, divorcing. You are in danger and need to flee, I'm very very worried about you.

Please call the helplines listed above, do it now. Fuck it, call the police, just get help. Please.

he has raped you.

He has beaten you.

he has abused your child.

Your child is watching this, and is learning that this is how we conduct ourselves, this is the husband she is looking for, this is how she is expected to live her life.

get out.

Stash your documents, call the numbers given to you, and protect your daughter from a man who thinks women are meat.

over

Reading through your thread, i think you are amazing and brave.

Wish you all the best.

I hope your bag wansd't a metaphor, i hope it really is packed.

in fact, I hope you've gone.

I'm wishing you speed and safety

Oh, you poor thing, how horrific. PLEASE listen to dizietsma, every word of her post.

Just read the last couple of pages, im so sorry please try and get out now.

Remember, you had a plan. You put it on hold to give him a chance. He proved that he will not change, that it is not you. Now it's time to use the plan.

I totally agree. You need to flee. Don't tell him you're going, don't give him another chance to rape you, bully you or hurt you or your children. Please get out.

I hope you've gone, too, Over!
Car. Travel papers. Phone book. Credit card. Wedding ring. Kids, Toys, Clothes.
Check?
Go!

x

Thinking of you Over. Please god the next time you post you and your precious babies are away from this monster.

xxx

Thinking of you too, be safe.

xxx

I hope you're gone. If you can't go to the police, it's worth going to your doctor to get the rape documented, especially if there are marks. You want a record of what he has done, especially if it comes down to a custody battle.

You gave him every chance, you waited till you were really, truly sure - please don't freeze now. You can, you must go.

(Would it be wrong to be amused that "kids" come sixth on Grace's list?)

Thought it might be easier to forget the other stuff!

oh no, please please report this and get out, you poor poor thing... he is a vile man...

Thank you all for your concern and encouragement - I am too scared to go to the police and it will be no use going to my GP, as there are no marks or scars - honestly, the rape is the least of my concerns - it has happened so often - I have grown accustomed to it - he doesn't hurt me physically, as I don't resist. We go for months, where he will not touch me physically - no physical contact whatsoever - no hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, not even making physical contact with me when we lie in bed, nothing - the only time we would physically make contact, was when he would have sex with me. It is bizarre to say the least - no foreplay - no 'after-play' - nothing. It is a huge shock to my body every time it happens, because I have become unused to being touched - to be penetrated, without any built-up to it. That is one of the reasons why I cry when it happens - not because he hurt me physically, but because it is such a shock to my system.

My self-esteem is at an all time low and I am finding it very hard to see my way out of this - I know that everyone is getting frustrated with me, because I don't just leave, but it is not that simple - for reasons that I cannot even explain. I have made very sure that my dc are not exposed to any of the ugliness - I know them intimately and I would be able to tell if any of it has been affecting them - I can honestly say that they seem completely unaware of how bad things are - regardless of how my H is treating me, he is good with my dcs.

I will leave - I know that much - but I don't yet know how or when that will be - sorry if that is not what everyone wants to hear - I have to do it my own way and in my own time.

I do understand that you have to plan your escape properly. But I urge you to at least set a deadline for yourself, because there's a real risk of drifting on for longer than you ever intended. You're scared of this October holiday, right? Can you at least commit to being gone before then?

Yes Over, I thought that too about my DD. I thought I was protecting her well, that she wasn't being affected. But she was. And it was only after leaving that I discovered just how much she was affected. Please don't kid yourself that your children don't know what is going on, that they are totally unaffected because I can assure you, no matter how hard you work, how hard you try, they will be

And I agree with Time. You mightn't realize it now, but your dcs are tuned into you, and they know when you are vibrating with fear and sorrow.

So let's review.

Every moment of your time is closely controlled by him.

He's severely beaten your young daughter.

He's beaten you several times and threatened to do so more if you don't submit to him more fully.

He frequently rapes you.

How much longer do you have to stay? What exactly is compelling you to stay in this violent and dangerous situation?

Have you at least called the helplines? If not, why not?

Oh, and you are totally deluding yourself about the kids. My mum thought we didn't know anything, weren't affected but when things are as abusive as you are experiencing then there is absolutely no way you can hide it from them.

His control of you, some of the violent episodes you described in the previous thread were in front of the kids and other members of the public. And of course, the violence towards your daughter affected her, didn't it?

I now have an anxiety disorder that I can trace directly to growing up in a house where everyone walked on eggshells, waiting for the next explosion from the tyrant cowering in fear. Your kids are suffering from that right now. Don't you dare use the kids as an excuse not to get leave, they are suffering and growing up in a twisted sick house which I guarantee you will warp and scar them for the rest of their life unless you wake up and walk out.

please, go and confide in your GP .
ring the helpflines.

the chilling line you say is this "I have grown accustomed to it "

that is the problem - you really dont know what is "normal".
but this is NOT normal and your dcs will be affected.

when you leave - you will soon see how freer and happier they are... gradually as thigns settle, as you regain your sense of self. you ahve no self esteem at teh moment.

jsut because he is apparently nice or give the appearance to others - it does not mean he is not a foul abuser of you.

it takes some getting one's head around - to know that the "wonderful" man seen by others - and even by you at times - is also this vile creature....but he is and you must tell yourself: "no more".

abusers don't abuse 24/7.
murderers only need to put in the knife once

South African Police website on Domestic violence

Several helplines listed at the bottom along with lots of advice and details of how they can help.