Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He is just messing me about isnt he.

121 replies

notcool · 12/05/2010 09:55

Had a first date about 6 weeks ago. All went a bit quiet after he said i scared him off. I had a go at him about it. Anyway - a month on and he said he does really like me and would like to see me again.
He asked me out for this saturday.
havent had much/any contact this last week as ive been busy.
Was on msn last night and i asked him if we were still on for sat. he said no, hes going to be away and be busy for a few weekends after that.

he is just messing me about isnt he. We can only really see each other weekends beacuse of the distance and work committments ( mine, not his) but if he wanted to see me he could.

i said that i wished him all the best in the future but that i was sorry i could no longer talk to him.

I was expecting to be deleted off his facebook and msn. but im not. Which means he will contact me like nothing has happened in a few weeks. i know it.

but im worth more than that.

can anyone explain to me what is the point?

OP posts:
Original poster
notcool · 12/05/2010 09:59

should also add that last week he said he was not messing me about.

i dont know if i should just wait for him to get his act together.,though i have been waiting 4 months now. ( met online) or should just forgett about it.

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 12/05/2010 10:00

Tbh I think you are coming on a bit strong. You had a go at him after only 1 date? I would be running for the hills if someone did that to me.

WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 10:01

All this angst after one date?

Um...

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/05/2010 10:04

Why did he say you had scared him?

Yingers74 · 12/05/2010 10:04

I hate to say this but quoting SATC 'he is just not that into you', so yes he is messing you about and yes you should just walk away. The same thing happened to my friend, she hung around for nearly a year then he told her he met someone. She is worth more and so are you.

BallpointPen · 12/05/2010 10:07

What did you have a go at him for?

If two people both genuinely like each other, get on well and want to see each other again it is a lot easier than this.

WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 10:08

I have to say that, in her date's defense, if I went on a first date with someone and they scared me by coming on too strong and then HAD A GO AT ME...I would not be meeting up with that person again either.

Original poster
notcool · 12/05/2010 10:10

i did have a go at him. yes. beacuse before the date he was talking long term plans etc... ( which i told him i didnt like as we didnt know) then two days after the date he just vanished and did not reply to any texts at all.
Which made me a bit angry as i felt he was messing me about,
we then had sporadic contact for a month before he concted me asking me out again.

yingers - your friend hung around for a year.... gosh.

OP posts:
WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 10:13

Just had a look at your other thread and you called him a:

"something along the lines or fucking cunting tosser arsehole."

BallpointPen · 12/05/2010 10:16

Chalk this up to experience and forget about him in terms of a potential partner, it's been too difficult already.

Be relaxed and enjoy dating, don't demand commitment and exclusivity from someone who you have only just met and don't offer them either.

Remind yourself that anyone who gets to be in a relationship with you will be a very, very lucky person so needs to be pretty damn good, in your opinion, and it takes a while to find out how good or bad someone is, one or two dates are not enough.

lilmissmummy · 12/05/2010 10:17

it has been one date, take a step back and look at the situation rationally!

If he calls for a date then he does and if he doesn't it is his loss!

Original poster
notcool · 12/05/2010 10:27

i did call him that. but if i explain fully. that the night before he had got me to go on webcam and dress up.... ( which i was ok with as he said we were a couple) and then vanished the next day for 3 days.
then do you understand why i was angry.
Not because im some bunny boiler stalker.

he did ask for another date. it was all arranged for sat/time/place all arranged but then he made other plans and didnt say and then left me to the embarassment of having to ask him, when i though it was clear it was off ( from lack of contact the week previously) just in case it wasnt off...

and then when i said i was done waiting about for him as he was fickle - he laughed.

OP posts:
SpiritualKnot · 12/05/2010 10:32

Have you deleted him from your facebook and msn?

SK

WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 10:33

I really don't want to hurt your feelings. But I'm going to be blunt, so brace yourself!

This is MADNESS. Utter madness. Why would you "dress up" on Webcam (And I think by dress up you probably mean dress off?) and consider yourself to be a "couple" after one date?

Listen. He's not interested. If he was he'd be calling, texting, GETTING IN TOUCH. He's not. So just stop. Please.

You seem to be investing far too much, far too quickly.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/05/2010 10:38

FFS if you want to find yourself a nice partner in the future what you need to do FIRST is put yourself on a dating ban for six months, and get a LIFE that doesn't involve having a partner. Because right now you are so utterly desperate that you are endangering yourself and running the risk of worse things than being slightly mucked about.
People (particularly women) who are desperate for a partner, desperate for couplehood, put nice ordinary available men right off and are an absolute magnet for the worst sort of abusers, the ones who hate women and get off on bullying and controlling and degrading them. You need to put in some serious work on your self esteem and self respect before you do any more dating if you are in the state where all a man has to say to you is 'we're a couple' for you to do anything he asks.

MortaIWombat · 12/05/2010 10:49

So you met him once, and then 'dressed up for him' on webcam? Seriously? You sound like a danger to yourself. Sorry to be blunt.

Write it off as a bad experience.

QSnondomicile · 12/05/2010 10:53

The mind boggles.

He said you were a couple, after 1 date, and you dress up for him on webcam, then you have a go and call him nasty names, and he cools off, and you STILL wonder if he is messing you around?

If somebody tells you to jump off a bridge, do you?

I think you sound a bit naive! Block him on facebook and msn, and forget about him.

BreevandercampLGJ · 12/05/2010 10:57

Either you are a troll or you are barking mad. How could you possibly allow someone to treat you like that ??

WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 10:58

Yes SGB has it right on the button (as per bloody usual)

I've been on dates with men who are quite clearly just looking to be "in a relationship". It's not only a complete turn-off, but also marginally insulting (to both my intelligence and also to my sense of self)

Who wants to be with someone who just wants to be with ANYONE?

Original poster
notcool · 12/05/2010 10:59

I know it is. which is why i was very angry at him.

He has been the one that pushed things and said thiings. i have been the one saying its madness. But then when i go along with it he runs a mile and says i scared him off.

I did not get naked on webcam. nor do anything explicit. Just wore something he asked that i might not have done.

I have a nice life oustide of this. i am not desperate to be in a relationship.

ive just allowed myself to be taken in by a bullshitter and then got angry when it turns out it was all bullshit even though i knew deep down that it really was.

Whats worse is i know he will be back in contact in a week or so. and that he laughed at me when i called him fickle.

OP posts:
kittywise · 12/05/2010 11:01

You sound very naive, he was taking advantage of you.

thesunshinesbrightly · 12/05/2010 11:02

My friend is in a very similar situation, i've repeatly told her, to delete him, do not bother etc... but she doesnt listen either.

larrysgal · 12/05/2010 11:05

He won't be in contact if YOU block him though, will he? Stop being so passive.

Original poster
notcool · 12/05/2010 11:06

he is loney and very much wants to be in a relationship i think. He admitts women, on the whole bore him. He falls in love hard and fast only to break up with them 2 months later.
If you look up womaniser in the dictionary you will see his face.

Aganist my better judgement i had been suckered in. Then got angry at him, then gave him a chance when he asked me out again. Now when he says hes busy for a few weeks but then carries on chatting like its nothing that hes cancelled it made me realise that to him. im nothing. He doesnt care and nor will he ever. Women to him are expendable.
And they seem to form a queue for him as well.
Im an idiot. But at least i told him i wasnt going to wait around and talk to him anymore. First time ive done that ( though i doubt he takes me seriously)

OP posts:
WombFrootShoot · 12/05/2010 11:07

here

Is this you? I'm not accusing you of trollery at all, just understand that sometimes it's easier to namechange than to keep on with the same name, asking for the same sort of advice.

If this isn't you, then read the thread anyway. Lots of good advice in there.

The only bit I can give you is to cut his methods of contact. Go on, do it now. Delete from FB, block on MSN/other chat thingies. Delete his number on mobile and call block if you can.

Then heave a sigh of relief that you have taken a positive step towards mending your, clearly low and broken, self esteem.

Good luck