ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

thing is and i have said this plenty of times when he left in nov i just felt this is my chance to escape

Happy, he used to be in & out of counselling etc so most of the time it was ok. Sadly just went completely out of hand in the end. A lot of it was funny stuff. If I asked him to get me a bar of choc he'd come home with 20 type thing!

Happy, it was horrible too, really horrible .

Maybees, you are so wrong. You will not be the mammy that made daddy leave. You will be the mammy that took action against daddy's unacceptable behaviour & provided a secure loving home for your dc's. Even though I was the one that got exh out of the house, I would be v clear that his behaviour left me with no choice & I made the best decisions for me & dc's. I might have been the one that put him out but he was the one that really left.

Maybees sounds to me like he is choosing to be a twunt. You are choosing to consider a different future and looking at what is best for you and your kids.

I know im wrong startin i have been living without h for 6 mths the sky hasnt fallen in and we will cope whatever he does.Doesnt mean it isnt scary ,doesnt mean it isnt painful.

ps can i just say best not to judge another dumpling's life until you have walked several moons in her moccassins

We have all walked a different road to get to where we are tonight x

God Maybees I wasn't for one second judging you. Can I say I'm really sorry if I came accross that way cause I genuinely wasn't. You know I've always said you'll find your own way through this & I know that better than anyone. People on the outside can never know what keeps anyone in a marriage. I was only trying to help you by sharing my own story. I'm really sorry if I upset you as I know you've enough on your plate.

Its cool never thought you were for a minute honey and you know i always apreciate your help....Just more a general post

But Happys post is really how I have been living my life for the last 6mths .

That is why he isnt at home .
When the attraction went he lost his control over me and i grew strong.

re drink startin i agree only the tip of the iceberg x

"I grew strong and I learned how to get along"

there's a song there somewhere..

DJHappy

Maybees, glad I didn't upset you cause god I know how hard this is. If there was anyway at all I could have made my marriage work I would have. It's especially hard when you've small dc's. I see my dc's watching other daddies/families at times & it cuts like a knife. I think any of us given the choice would have preferred to have our families intact. Also I think it's never black & white. People have many sides to them. My exh was also the most kind man you'd meet, couldn't do enough for you, was funny etc. I mightn't have been able to live with him any longer but the pain of loosing the nice man that I'd all the good times with nearly killed me. I'm sure your H is like that too, good & bad sides to him.

Happy, hope your chilled & that the wine hit the spot!

I am chilled - hardly any wine though

Got through it with the aid of you all thanks hugely!

Feel good that I didn't call XH and that I also was calm with the DCs despite everything

Would have got distressed if XH had given me the old "is it urgent" line - ffs who does he think he is, the PM - I am the PM

Exactly Startin' long long story to it all and Mumfun agreed with me that if issues arent sorted b4 Mid Life kicks in they will fucking explode with the biggest amplification you can imagine.That is why they blame us so much i really do believe at the start they truly dont know what is happening to them but it is as huge a transition for a man as the teenage years.

Then actions bring consequences and they feel guilty and get into a vicious circle of destructive behaviour and everyone telling them they have let everyone down.

He knows he isnt coming back,thats what i think .He knows he isnt going to make any lifetyle changes, so he probably is getting advice on his rights .

All about trust ,,,my tummy says i dont trust him.....

When you asked why i stayed with him so long Tea it was because i loved and trusted him ...

Happy, glad to hear that. Hope you manage to get a good nights sleep. Nite

Maybees, your tummy is usually right IME

I'm knackered ladies and need to sleep cos I have to run the country tomorrow

Thanks again and nite nite x

Maybees, just take things a day at a time for now. Your in a very hard place at the moment, be kind to yourself & try to plan something nice tomorrow. Even if it's just something small.

Happy, you'd probably do a better job then the person who is

Thanks again dumplings x

Nice to see a lot of mutual therapy going on last night. Really helps doesn't it Pity I can't stay up that late (H brought DS back at 7.50 this morning! I was up and dressed but hadn't managed to get my shoes on or have my breakfast yet!)

I need to get out of the house today. Think I have stayed in too much the last few days, and that never helps my state of mind. Might take DS to the park then wander into town to drop some stuff off at the charity shop. (The results of the spring cleaning )

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Waves to all - a busy day today

Hope you got some fresh air today Chair x

Hello dumplings, I hope you're all ok today. I've just been looking at a couple of threads on chat and some people are so nasty. It just seems that lots of people are very angry at the mo and MN is a way of releasing it. It makes exhuasting but compelling reading.

I was wondering........I wonder how many people lurk on this thread but don't post.....10 ? or 50 ? 100 ? what do you think ?

It feels weird that there might be strangers in our midst. Creepy

Waves to all. Pink I don't even want to think about that. Sometimes the thought flashes accross my mind that people I know in RL could actually be following my whole sorry saga here! That thought makes me want to run to the hills

Happy - just a wander into town, but I bought some plastic balls for DS's pool and some storage stuff (new storage always makes me smile) so I was happy. And DS (although he made a huge fuss at dropoff) seemed to enjoy his nursery session.

Pink - I think lots of people are unhappy and being nasty makes them feel better about themselves!

I'm being a grownup (pretending anyway) and watching the leaders debate. Not paying 100% attention though

DS went to sleep at 8 so I feel very relaxed tonight. House is sparkling, jobs are all done. Life is pretty good

I think you're right Chair.

A busy day ... will make Saturday night the night for dancing I think this week