ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Just back from lovely picnic in park with dc's but no word about threadmill yet . I cannot believe he's messed me about yet again. I have furniture due to arrive later this evening . Am off to do deep breathing or meditating or if all else fails go out the garden for a good scream............

A description of self esteem

?A disposition to experience oneself as being competent enough to be
able to keep up with the challenges in one's life.?

I dont have to complicate things ,i can honestly say that i am competent enough to keep up with the challenges that my life brings.

I just need to learn to "experience " the joy that this brings and not become anxious with"am i good enough" self talk,those days are behind me i shall look forward to being relaxed and competent with each new challenge i am set .

Saw 2 huge mature monkey puzzle trees today always breathtaking ,the lovely thing was i was busy telling dcs it was called a Chilean pine then i saw the other one and they had obviously been planted as a pair same age and height.What a lovely sight on a glorious day .

Am struggling for serenity . Eventually gave in & sent a text asking what time they would be collecting threadmill. Got a text from one of his employees saying tomorrow!?! Text also said they would be bringing somebody qualified to remove a large fixture from house!!!!!!!!! I just texted back asking what time. Once threadmill is out the door will be hitting all of their arses pretty quickly. I have already told exh numerous times that he is not getting this fixture as I will need to repaint & will be left with a huge hole in my wooden floors............GGGGRRRRRRRRRR Fukwit!!!!!!!!!!!! I would also sooner burn said fixture then think of him enjoying it with his latest s*g .

On a positive note I spent two hours doing treasure hunts with dc's in garden. Then for rage therapy I filled in dog holes yet again & spread compost on bald patches of grass & put down more grass seed. This is my forth or fith attempt but I figure if I keep doing it I will eventually have more grass then holes . Mind you that's prob complete denial as I could not believe this but the bloody dog started to eat the compost .

fingers xd re grass startin.sending you positive vibes for 2morrow.
Dog was parading about with bit of trout in her mouth earlier i hope to god it didnt make it into the house

Lol sound a bit like my dog Maybees, she's prob the best fed dog in neighbourhood & yet she's out the back eating compost ffs .

All you dumplings doing your own DIY and gardening are inspirational to someone who has stuck to the stereotype of leaving all that stuff to exh. Once we move I am going to have to start doing all that stuff - apparently B&Q do DIY courses for women only.

Hate it when its gorgeous and sunny and everyone says ooh doesnt this weather make you feel great when actually you feel miserable . am feeling angry, sad and anxious today am ten days into waiting for exh to put a financial proposal to me re house, maintenance etc and then I will know if I have a fight on my hands or not and if he is going to live up to his promises as he walked out the door of making sure the dcs and I are ok. Hate the waiting and know that he will be prioritising the World Cup over sorting this out.

My sisters husband dumped her the day after their first anniversary last week , shes heartbroken. Not wanting to diminish her pain but as they had no dcs she never has to see him again - anyone else profoundly depressed by thought that will have to deal with exh for years to come ?

Sure I will cheer up later dont know why things getting on top of me today hope everyone else enjoying the sunshine

Getting I am in the same position re: waiting for exh proposal, but that said I have been waiting for 6 months, mine has only this last week appointed a solicitor!!! He's been gone since October, it is very frustrating.

Mine is prioritising OW over me and DC constantly.

Let's hope we don't have a fight on our hands!

I understand totally about the dealing with exh for years to come, it depresses me too. I feel very down today, despite the sun, I have found out more of the lies he has been telling, and involving his parents in too.

I feel very let down, by both him and my PIL, to whom I am very close, but I suppose he is their son. I had been feeling great recently and it has knocked me right back down again.

Hope you get back on top soon.

Party thanks dont feel so alone with this now. October ? As soon as I told exh I was ok to start the divorce/finance process he was so over the moon I thought he would be round later that day !! He is keen to "get it over " asap and now so am I.

We had words (or rather he was vile to me )earlier and I hate the fact I have to button my lip mindful of still being financially reliant on him and so now whilst apprehensive I cant wait for things to be officially sorted so at some point I can tell him what I really think of him.

I was curious about your close relationship with PIL , I adored mine but have had no contact after initial break as I found it too upsetting and felt I had nothing nice to say about their son which would be unfair.Feel a bit guilty because think my MIL would like the contact and link to grandchildren (they still go and stay)

Just think if you had been feeling great recently you know you can and will again thats what I am telling myself ! I had a couple of weeks pre solicitor chat when I felt better than any time I can remember and although that has gone off the possibility of it coming back is keeping me going . I tell myself how much of the time did I spend feeling down in the last 2 years of marriage - answer more than I do now and at least now I know exactly why !!

Everyone says to me (from their position of cosy marriage )how much better I will feel when the money side of things is sorted so fingers crossed.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow

Also a friend has just straightened my hair ( its very curly) and its nice to look very different - look different feel different ?? Would love to do this to my hair again but apparently GHD's are £110

I should sell my GHDs then. As I never ever use them. H bought them for me but I don't really need them tbh.

I too get down about the fact I'll never have my Schmuck of a husband out of my life completely with 2 DCs

Do a DIY course, sounds fab! Chin up....

gettin...... get wide plates i have remington wet 2 straight you get them in the catalogue or boots etc i am very curly.... also hair stays straight even in the rain, a total revolution i have been straightening my hair for 25yrs so i dont know about solicitors but i do know about straightening curly hair,go for it you will feel like a new woman x

getting yes my exh left in October last year, I began proceedings in December but we are doing it collaboratively to keep it out of court. And yes he has only just engaged. God knows how much it will cost but we want to make our own decisions not have someone sitting in judgement.

I am totally financially reliant on exh, I have low paid part time job, Ok whilst married but v.difficult now, I hate being dependent. Want to sort this and get my life moving out of this limbo.

I have extremely close relationship with PIL, we speak every week, they are my 'parents', I love them dearly. I do feel, sometimes, that I am being replaced by OW with them too, eventhough they assure me I'm not.

I would like to add that I have never said anything unpleasant about their son, IO do still love him despite what he has done to me and Dc.

I have spoken with exh and MIL tonight and feel better. They both understand where I am coming from.

And yes I know I will feel great again soon. Hope you do too.

Well sorry to be out of sinc but I had a great day. Threadmill finally gone tg . Exh also sent out a big bag of coins with a note saying contribution for dc's activity fees. It's only just dawned on me that he was obviously trying to p* me off but in actual fact I get great pleasure in things like counting coins etc .

Had active day today, dd got cast off this morn, then two diff sports events, visitors, departure of threadmill & finally magpies took two little chicks out of a nest & happened to drop them in my garden. Luckily I saw it happen & managed to save them from dog. One however had a bad fall when it fell from magpie's beak & later died. The other we dropped to a friend of mine who has a rescue centre. Dc's had great fun with all the animals. Finally went to a bonefire. Dc's only just gone to bed but all raving what a great mum I am & what a fab day out they had . They were fed chips in car on way home .

Know all about the bad days though & thoughts of having to be stuck with exh's for yrs to come . I am also going through financial separation process atm. Will be glad to at least know where I stand.

God I'm wrecked now!! Will have to dig deep for energy to get back up & make lunches for tomorrow!

Getting, sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable. It will pass. Do something nice for yourself like a nice bath, coffee with a friend, paint your nails etc..

Party, likewise hope it passes for you soon. Sad when separation has such an effect on your relationship with in-laws aswell. Great that you are managing to maintain relationship though. I've lost my relationships with my in-laws, it was easier for them to just ignore me then to deal with what exh did . Their loss though!

I'm out of sinc on the hair thing aswell . Have been straightening it for yrs with ghd but with last week I've been leaving it curly & quite like it .

Am a dab old hand at diy even if I say so myself. Can tackle most things which was just aswell seeing as exh couldn't even change a lightbulb. I kid you not .

Party ,you still love him ? As they say in USA thats a tough break , happy to report I only love the exh I spent first 12 years with not the last 5. Know if he treated me like he is now treating OW I would still love him but that is an avenue forever closed to me so have , uncharacteristically(lots of Pinot cant spell ), been able to say with conviction dont love him

Maybees I need to get your consumer post 25 years experience on curly hair - are you only 25 you lucky girl ? Am 44 but still have 25 years of curly hair and zero ability on styling. Ask you tomorrow when not so blurred (cant find a smiley for drunk)

Starting my H was useless at DIY too So I learnt how to do it because we didn't have the money to get people in.

Enjoy your coin counting.

Getting - hope you slept well and your head's not too sore this morning

Thread getting busy so sorry if I miss anyone out

Pk= Positive Karma Dutchy - and total respect at floor laying which I know isnt easy!

Tea -so angry that H isnt getting his finger out to provide child support for you and kids. Definitely do some clearing out and selling as really helps financially and makes you feeel good too.

Getting - awful your sister getting dumped. I think it is easier to move on without kids - but the cuddles and love from little ones do help for a while when H first goes I think.

MB - lots of good learning and finding your journey of self discovery very enlightening

Starting - glad the huge contraption gone and good for turning the coins into positivity - true dumpling behaviour

Party and Getting ; sorry youre having to move onto the financial stuff - hope you can get through it as serenely as poss

MB -will look up your straighteners as hair getting curlier and need some more control!

Weather fab here. Relaxing and watching lots of sport(Im not a typical female)Kids happy atm. Needing to face a few demons soon ie seeing sister and mother in different scenarios - so bit stressed by that. Anger surfacing again so need to work harder on that. Hopefully a few happy weekends coming up so will focus on those for now

Gettin i have been straightening my hair since i was 14yo ...so nearly 39yo now .fire away re curly to straight tips i do consider myself to know a thing or 2 on styling unruly locks needing taming, products have moved on so much you can be as sleek and straight as you wish these days.Just back from the park had a lovely time at the water swan with cygnets came right over to us at the bank i think she thought i had it a bit easy only having 2 dcs
when she had 6 little uns .

Mumfun top tips use john frieda frizz ease hair serum blow dry ,then invest in good straightening irons cuts down on styling time add a little vo5 styling wax to the ends if neccessary and blow dry, quick blast to finish ,start to finish from shower to hair done ,half an hour (5mins restyle in the morning)

Just doing a lot of reading mumfun think i held onto resentment too long ,handling a negative situation in an immature way .instead of feeling it and letting it go i would hold onto it and make myself another link of chain to add to the massive set of chains i already had wrapped around me(I think i copied this technique from Dickens vision of hell when you make ur own chains for ur penance ,((A Christmas Carol ,perhaps))).slowly now i am freeing myself up of these chains.Hopefully now the only ones i will be wearing are gold !Once you recognise what is making you unhappy i guess you can start to undo it and basically it was me that was making ME unhappy by the way i was handling other peoples negativity,i just never had it explained to me before.People will be negative to me sometimes it will be justified other times they will be completely out of order,but i can feel my reaction to this then move on i will no longer feel bitter or resentful life is too short i have too many trees and swans to talk to .Re self esteem ,just being good enough is really ok i have a lot of good qualities i am going to concentrate on these and get out of the habit of my inner voice becoming anxious ,there truly is no need .We are only here for a short time and i want to have more joy and peace in the second half of my life,that is my promise to myself x

All this contemplation is hard work though... really need some chill out time,trying to organise a lunch next week and a cupcake day also(baking,icing and eating)Just think kids are going to bed later cos the weather is fab and i need some extra quiet time to myself .Will make a point of getting extra bubble bath and candles next week x

Hello all, and welcome to gettingeasier!

maybees - I'm definitely relating to your comments about only being able to change yourself!

starting - there's something strangely fascinating about counting piles of coins. Very relaxing I think

Tea - go with the decluttering - it is really freeing!

Things are settling down here. I'm not quite back up to speed but am feeling great considering.

I don't know how to describe the situation with H at the moment - he's staying here to help with the children when he doesn't have DS on his own and its a bit wierd but not too hard at all. I'm feeling rather too settled as I am and am not looking forward to getting into the hard work of counselling - both individual and together, but I'm going to wait until DD wakes up (she's sleeping all the time when she's not feeding!) and shows us what sort of baby she's going to be!
I'm not going to let it go though - I want to be the best person I can be for my two little ones!

Hi thanks for all the curly hair tips I think I will invest in straightners knowing me will take ages to get the hang of as am useless on that kind of thing, maybe I could do that instead of drinking wine it makes me an emotional mess the next day ie today.

Just spoken to sister cant believe how people can treat each other her exh should be on Jeremy Kyle show.

Maybee it sounds like youare working hard on yourself and getting great results, agree life is short and thats why none of us should waste any more emotional energy on unworthy exhs than necessary - easy to say I know.Will ask for tips once I am in better place and got my irons

Just to say Gettin' although if your sis is getting a clean break it might be simpler for her ,i think you will get some peace from the compassion you are showing her at this difficult time.

Miaow lovely to hear Anya is settled and ur enjoying the new addition to ur family x

Waves to all.....

Tea, doing diy is v empowering & makes you feel v independant.

Mumfun, sorry to hear about anger & stuff with mother & sis. Stuff like that can be v emotionally draining. Good you are finding time to enjoy the sunshine & rest .

Maybees, you are beginning to sound like a wise owl . I always visualise afternoons of serene baking with dc's. Reality is we not stick to rice crispie buns , dc's love it & at least they always turn out ok.

Chairmum, so glad things are going ok for you & that h is being so supportive.

Getting, terrible that your sis is also going through the pain of a breakup . Hopefully you'll manage to support each other through this terrible time.

its ok all is well in my world...advance apologies to Italian dumplings but Italy have just crashed out of WC and exh is their BIGGEST fan. Honeymoon delayed by 2 days for Italy game, no weekend away on wedding anniversary after organising childcare for Italy game and far away most HEINOUS only sparing 2 hours for our lovely DCs on fathers day just gone because..you got it ! He told them they were welcome to watch the game with him in the pub - unbelievable and worst of all when he dropped them back I heard DCS talking and saying how bad they felt for ditching Dad on Fathers Day and not watching game with him...grrr.

BUT its ok its true what goes around comes around , there is a god and any other cliche you can think of because Italy are humiliated.

Hmm dont think I am vindictive its an old old sore and anyway If I didnt post this I wouldnt be able to resist sending him a ha ha ha text