ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Hello all

Long time no speak

Have been having just a crazy time with work and life generally

Hopefully some light coming at the end of the tunnel but it's been pretty dark

Hi Tea, sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it. I think each time you go through a tough time of it though you come out of it so much stronger.

Hi Happy, glad to hear you are emerging out of the tunnel .

Spent a ridiculous amount of money in one of my fav clothes shop that had a sale today. Of all weeks knew I shouldn't be doing it but couldn't stop myself . Thought of twunt away for w'end didn't help my resistance. Mostly was stuff for dc's but slipped in a nice dress, pants & top for myself ...........Because I'm worth it & because of all I've put up with from twunt I deserve it . Hope I'll still manage to if I've any bills next week

nice one starting it has to be done ,goin to get my legs waxed again next week ,just a little treat but nice to get pampered.spoke to a herbalist today and she made me amix of lavender camomile and rose tea.just felt i have been a bit uptight recently what with having to deal with counselling .

Big waves to tea hope you have had a nice day x
Happy birthday Chairmum hope you had a fab curry nite
Happy dont work too hard honey and book yourself into that fab spa place when you get some free time x
Waves to all dumplings out there,2morrow is another day ,you are all brave fabulous people ,remember to nourish yourselves because you deserve it x

Hi everyone!

MB - those treats sound great -rose stuff has been great for me and very recommended by a friend who knows about these things!

Tea -sorry you are having ups and downs. You have been doing so well - no wonder that news sent you into a spin. Love the zoo analogy! Do some more treats for your self and kids and it will help positivity come back

Starting - glad you treated yourself - you of course need date suitable lovly new gear in the future

Happy -hope more light floods in on you soon

Also Chairmum hope you had a lovely birthday and that you get to meet baby soon.

Where is lovely Pink?

Starting - sorry H has regressed. Are kids ok and still seeing him?

Dont know how to describe my current situation. Still in discusssions with H which are on the surface positive but the anger coming out towards me through them is very strong. My IC says he has noone else to take his anger out on but it has made me very wary. I am doing a new sport which is making me happy and Im very serene and happy overall. (Saying that will now trigger bad times for me - I hope not). Seeing an old friend I havent seen for 20 years this week and going to a very good party so lots to look forward to.

positivity
just read this page and thought so much positivity around it i had to share,dont mean to be too heavy re religion etc just thought a nice way to think, that with self love and positivity you are stronger to take on lifes challenges.I am definately not as affected by peoples negativity as i once was but i still feel their spikiness and do hope that one day they find peace .I am at a point that i need to look inwards to forgive h as i dont want to hold this negativity with me i want to let it go but i still hold resentment there and i want to lose this whatever the future with h is, any top tips appreciated,my plan is to keep working on myself and staying positive in my head x

Ah Mumfun, great to see you back on thread & glad you've nice things to look forward to. Stuff with H sounds hard going but you seem to putting yourself first so I feel things will work out good for you one way or another.

Kids are great & life here at home is v good, lots of fun happening. Exh agreed to take kids once midweek & once every w'end two weeks ago but so far midweek access hasn't happened & he's away this w'end so no idea what's going on. I've done my best to resolve this with him but to no avail so will leave solicitor deal with it at this stage.

Hi Maybees, hope the tea works . You've just reminded me that my legs are a disgrace . Have focused so much on operation house & have been v busy with dc's activities recently so have completely neglected self, need to sort that!

DD told me earlier that she needs £100 for school next wk so feeling trying to develop amnesia re my splurge of today .

Maybees, just exploring your link now thanks. Forgiveness comes with letting yourself feel all the negative feelings first (you have to give yourself time to rid yourself of these). I think forgiveness comes from having compassion too. With regards to my exh I can think of all the nice stuff he used to do & how hard he really did try to change but he could never overcome his own self hatred. Once I was able to understand him & try not to take it personally I was able to forgive. Overall forgiveness takes time. A great motivator for me to forgive has always been looking at people consumed with bitterness & anger!

In the past though I think I was often too forgiving & allowed exh to trample all over me. The difference now is that I still forgive him & can be v nice to him despite his behaviour but I now protect myself from him.

It's also a lot easier to forgive when I don't have to live with the twat.........

i just feel i want to forgive ,but in a deeper way than ever before i dont want to blame or judge and i want to lose the resentment but in a healthy strong way .i dont want him to think i condone his behaviour ,but i think he has got that message now .i dont need to keep repeating it
its obvious i have been more responsible than him and i know that makes me sound superior.i dont want to sound like that,thats not what i mean ,i just think there was a part of me that kept saying how dare you do this to me and our kids.But this was never about winners ....more about finding peace and becoming stronger....but im not quite there yet ...but at least im thinking about it in a healthy way,trying it out seeing how it feels x

maybees and starting - its lovely to hear you feeling so positive about the forgiveness thing.

Although I have plenty of times where I want to smack him or shout at him, I think I have forgiven H for the way he went about things - I think I've had to to get on with day to day stuff, and I do need him for that at the moment!

Still no baby here. Walked 4+ miles to the pub and back for lunch, BF DS, eaten pineapple, taken raspberry leaf, had my clary sage bath. I'm out of options to speed this thing up!

As is normal for this time of night I'm getting lots of braxton hicks or contractions (never quite sure which) but they're fairly constant, not at regular intervals or anything. Quite uncomfortable tonight too.

Bah. I am turning into a miserable whinging woman! So so so fed up!

Hi Chairmum, great to hear from you. Hang in there, it sounds like you won't have too much longer to wait. Your going to have great excitement to look forward to with new babs .

Hope everyone else is doing ok. I got dc's dressed up in their new clothes today & went visiting relatives. Despite being a tad overdressed I ended up wearing my own new dress aswell just for the hell of it (had to do an emergency leg shave this morn) .

Big hugs Miaow,let us know about your twinges
very xcited about this baby !
Have googled and read alot about reforgiveness.Turns out i have about half a page of people i need to forgive in my life .Think this is a major breakthru for me,instead of repressing these feelings i have to let out and feel this resentment and anger or it will eat me up inside.I think this is what is blocking feeling the "REAL" Maybees.I think it truly is part of the puzzle.I have always found it difficult to accept peoples negativity towards me but i think true forgiveness is all part of the plan to bring more peace and serenity to my world and lose the anger resentment and holding a grudge ,last week it truly made me ill.But I may need help from my counsellor at least i know he is a phonecall away.other counselling pretty hard going but hey i said i would do it maybe she is just a slow starter but not holding out much hope.Main thing is taking a tiny step on the forgiveness path ,think last week was a good week for learning that i have to accept i may never get any major answers to hs behaviour.Just dont think we are reading from the same page anymore ,just think we want different things from life .Feeling calmer so that is good ,been drinking my rose tea x

Maybees, great to hear you are doing so well. It is great to make a break through & feel you are moving forward. You know the saying "no pain, no gain". Good is going to come from the pain you went through . You're doing fantastic. As we all are .

Thankyou Startin I hope this new stage will help me become a better person throughout my life whatever the future brings x

Hello girls,

I am doing ok, still seeing NY-er but not sure where it is going.

Taking care of a very poorly dog after serious operation, I now know I suck at nursing. Next few days are crucial, I find it very tough-going though.

Little one is staying with her dad, who has been surprisingly nice and reasonable for a change.

Hi Dutchy, sorry to hear about your dog, hope he'll be ok. Glad your ex is at least being reasonable!

Waves to all, had a lovely relaxing lavander bath last night & did a face mask etc. Did meditation before going to sleep, so should be buzzing this morn. Instead I'm wrecked as couldn't get to sleep. Ended up getting up at 3am to read a book for awhile & ate 4 mini mars bars & a packet of chilli taytos. My stomach is in bits this morn . Want to crawl back to bed but am forcing myself to meet a friend for coffee for my two hrs of freedom without dc's!

Hope the chilli crisps have settled now startin'i have mega cramp ons tonite ,dont know why cos i never get period pain,may have to try the rose tea ,anyway got a jam packed week a head ,dont really know how it happened but out everynite from wed to sun. obviously not on my own lol but it still counts as out of the house with flirting opportunities so thats a wild week in my life lol!

Waves to all !

Miaow big hugs and a foot rub sent ur way xxx

Hope doggie had a quiet day Dutch,hope vet said you could phone if you were worried,such an emotional time for you ,big hugs ,they are proper family and so hard when they get sick x

Waves to all, ok am obviously going around in circles here! Don't ask what possessed me but just went on to the famous fishy place (does that bring back any memories......PPT = Phantom Penis Texter)! Anyway, saw someone who looked quiet normal & cute so put up a profile (no picture, not that brave yet) & sent him a message saying hi! .

No idea why I did this as really I'm not sure if I could be bothered my arse to actually go on a date but anyways maybe it was just for a bit of excitement as I'm worn out from dc's today. Will keep you posted.......

Hope everyone is doing well.

Am feeling really depressed tonight. Separation proceeding are now down to brass tacks about money & feel my anger beginning to be rapidly triggered . Also for third wk running twunt never contacted re mid-wk access! Am due to commence parenting course shortly (my suggestion to resolve access) & feel like telling him to fk off, what's the point! After being so reasonable with the f*r for the past nearly two years I'm beginning to feel I've had enough, have the urge to loose it big time & start screaming! By time I get to parenting course I'll prob seem like the mental one.....

Usually when I vent here or in rl it relieves it so that's what I'm doing now. This little rant will restore my sanity hopefully.

Used my rage productively & attacked the kitchen with a vengence. Even when out in search of sugar soap . Was feeling so peed off with exh that I treated myself to a new coffee maker machine as I've friends coming for a coffee morning & my own one has had it's day. Was feeling rather pleased with myself until I went to supermarket & my switch card was rejected . Tg just had enough to pay for shopping left in my purse.

Have had 7 replies from the fishy place, from 19 to 53!!!!!!! None from the cute guy I joined up for yet. Tbh I'm not even sure if I'd have the interest or motivation to go & meet him anyway..........

Waves to all......

Had to drop dd to an activity this morn & while I was waiting for her with other two dc's (in 27 degrees), realised I had forgot to raid my emergency stash & as per my previous post hadn't a penny to get dc's a drink or ice creams etc.. When dd came out she said she was gasping & I explained I'd no money on me. Happened to be just around the corner from exh's place of work & dd mentioned something about her father. Without thinking I said it's a pity he wasn't out on street & I'd stop & ask him for £10. DD laughed & said why don't we go in & I'll ask for money. I got her to ring first to make sure it was ok to call & then dropped dc's at back door. 10mins later dc's exited with £30. I'm still laughing about it. He's no idea the real purpose of the visit was for £££.

Small bit of satisfaction to make up for his twuntery.

Ok, doesn't seem to be anyone left here so I'm going to turn this into my blog of insanity . Anyway, just wanted to say I am beside myself with my new sugar soap. I've spent months scrubbing with bleach & really thought there was nothing better than a bit of bleach & elbow grease. Appears I was wrong, sugar soap is brill. I highly recommend it to your all. Go out & get yourself some sugar soap!

A very tired Dutch Girl here, nursing a three-legged dog.

What is so good about sugar soap Starting, you think it will clean up dog mess?

Ah Dutchy v sorry to hear your dog ended up losing a leg. How is he/she doing now??

Sugar soap is great for cleaning all appliances (ovens, dishwashers, fridges etc), doors, windows, kitchen units, marks off paint, skirting boards, toilets, tiles. Best product I ever bought. I would have saved myself weeks of scrubbing all the bloody white doors, stairs, wardropes & skirting boards if I'd discovered it sooner .

Sugar soap rocks have been working up to doin the paintwork for several months now lol

Dutchy hope your ok i think milton trigger spray bottle great for most things canine.Big pat for doggie and big hugs for you,

Waves to everyone hope your cool Miaow hope your enjoying the good weather with your dcs tea ,

Asking you all to send me positive vibes for sports day tommorrow about 11am,I am sprinting for dumplings everywhere {bottle of cava involved} x