ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Evening all ........ working again this eve so only just popped in

Loving the positive thinking link

I think that I would need to do it in instalments as I can only be positive in small chunks

On the decluttering, this looks a bit advanced for me - is there a foundation course for total newbies?

Hi Chairmum, it sounds like you are doing all the right things for yourself anyway. Great that you've used this time to be super organised & to get house sorted. That alone will make you feel better. Sending you hugs.

Hi Happy, grab a big plastic bag, pick a room & dump, dump, dump.

Waves to all. Oh btw my friend got her tattoo, I'm off to see it later & will report back.

Ds's mouth & teeth still v dodgy. Teeth still v loose & gum looks like it might be getting infected . You know what was really sad, after he had access at w'end I asked him did he tell daddy about his sore mouth, he said yes but he didn't look at it............. I felt so gutted when he told me that.

Chairman - I submitted my healthy start application to GP surgery weeks and weeks ago for the Dr to sign it and post it off. I had a phone call today from the surgery saying the Dr wanted to see me???? That she needed more info I completed all the parts to the form I needed to. I don't understand why the GP wants to see me. I'm going tomorrow at 11.40am as it's the only time this week she can fit me in. Feeling a bit as it's a bad time of day with my boy due a nap and over tired and a toddler to chase after in surgery. All for a pointless meeting.

Admittedly I haven't seen GP myself since September 2008 for "me". I usually go for children. The secretary said the form is about me not my children and the GP wants to speak to me.

As you can see from my waffle I'm perplexed, the trouble is I don't want to go into the meeting with her all guns blazing going "I don't understand why I needed this meeting, it's a bad time of day, blah blah"

So do you know why the GP would want to see me?

P.S I'm clearly way behind on this thread now. But hello everyone

tea - dunno why they would want to see you, but my midwife signed mine when I saw her anyway.

Bit of unexpected news today - H dropped into an email that he 'hadn't forgotten' about going to relate - indicating that he was willing to do it after the baby is born. I really thought he had given up and was just waiting for things to settle down with the baby to make them official, so I'm not sure what to say to him at the moment, but wherever we are headed, the fact that he is willing to talk - even if it is not yet - is a good sign.

Had a lovely day anyway - friend came round for lunch then when we dropped DS at nursery we went off for a couple of hours at a craft centre and had a lovely wander and a gossip. Bought some gruffalo stuff for DS and he is very very happy :D

That sounds like a lovely day Chairmum. Thanks for your quick reply. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what GP wants. Should I take proof I'm getting divorced and eligible for income support to meeting? As my H still is registered at doctors under my address...

I'm not sure how I would feel in your situation Chairmum with that e-mail from your H. Confused probably. Hopefully someone wiser than me will answer you shortly

Evening, lovely day

I just wanted to give myself pat on back.

Spoke on phone to H for first time in a couple of weeks, I had told him no contact unless legal or to do with DC.

He rang to see how I was, weird I know, before he went on holiday. His first official holiday with OW.

I say 'official' holiday as he took her away for a week when he was still with me. I didn't know of course.

So I was civil, but a bit tearful, tried to cover that as best I could, we spoke of a few things mainly about house sale.

Anyway he rung off and an hour later I realised I forgot to tell him something important.

Sent an e-mail, no reply for about 2 hours, I was beginning to get a bit cross. Then a reply.

I thanked him and hoped that he would answer any txt or e-mail when he is away if I had an emergency.

Not much you might think, but believe me that is a huge improvement. I haven't been able to speak to him without ranting or screaming, still got the tears though.

Hi all

Party - defo a pat on the back for you

Chair, interesting development indeed. I guess just wait and see what happens. Take each day as it comes.

Tea - hoping docs will be ok - think it will be fine.

Here, sadly life is sh** today. Feeling extremely sorry for myself. Have had to confront DS about behaviour too many times in last few days and have now become upset. Feels horrid to me to be so so happy in many ways (just so to be shot of xh which sounds a bit ridiculous perhaps but conversely, incredibly upset about DS.)

Have retired to bed to wallow. Now doubly upset because my special candle has lost its wick and won't burn. It is the last straw.

Happy sending you huge hugs. I think dealing with crap from exh's is so so much easier then probs with dc's. This too shall pass, hang in there, the sun will come back again & you will get a new candle I'm sure .

Chairmum, I suppose you have to wait & see what happens & just continue to keep your focus on yourself & ds & new arrival until you get the chance to go to relate.

Tea, good luck with gp tomorrow.

Party, glad your doing well.

Waves to Maybees, hope all's well.

Well friend is v happy with tattoo & feeling v empowered. It looks really nice but prob bigger than anything I'd do if I decide to go ahead. Have organised a group meditation with two friends tomorrow & also organised a reiki meetup (did first course a few yrs ago & have been meaning to go back for ages). Also posted adverts for separated parents group. Finished college this w'end & am determined now to find a way to continue next year. Negatives are have not been able to make contact with either my solicitor or police woman despite several attempts over past few weeks. Am now beginning to feel really P*d off as am in court next week & haven't a clue what's happening.

Reiki and group sound great.

Have a feeling that you will find police/solicitor tomorrow so worry ye not.

This made me smile www.mvm.com

Glad you're finding a way to cheer yourself up Happy . My dd does this on disney games & ds .

Happy - so sorry about your DS. I guess you haven't managed to get any sort of help with him yet It sounds so hard.

starting - keeping on with college sounds like a good plan for keepings some positive focus on yourself and your future. Sorry things are crappy about court though, must make things so much more complicated

tea - how did you get on?

Had an interesting night last night. Really thought my waters were leaking (I still think they were but they're not any more). Ended up in hospital for a couple of hours getting checked over, so palava about getting childcare etc sorted and who was coming with me. Ended up taking SIL as I just couldn't cope with the idea of the whole uncomfortable atmosphere of us being on our own.

Of course after a load of paperwork and waiting and monitoring and a lovely internal exam there was no sign of waters so off I go home, getting back at 1am. Hardly any sleep so I am shattered now. The baby has dropped and I am convinced it is coming early. I'll be 37 weeks on friday so nothing to worry about either.

I have replied to H about relate trying to make clear that we've got a lot to work on and there seems to be some dialogue going on. We'll see how it goes, but I know the most important thing is for me to stay calm and focussed on the baby. Its all very confusing though because till now he hasn't done anything to give any indication that he wanted to even try to spend time with me. Before I asked him to move out and we were trying to work on things more, I asked him to consider going on dates and spend some casual time together, but he's never brought that up -and as with everything else I am not pushing. I'm done pushing him because I will never know whether he really means it otherwise.

It is hard because I am really sad at the idea that he won't be at the birth. He loves our DS so much, and did from the moment he was born - and before - but hasn't had the chance to bond with this baby and I don't want him to miss any more. I want this baby to have what our DS has - two parents that love him unconditionally, together or apart - but that is going to be hard work

I just have to keep reminding myself that the me I have found and am working on is much happier than I have been in a long time. I'm someone who can start to forgive and trust myself, which means I can learn to forgive and trust other people - something I've already been working on.

Anyway, I hope you dumplings are feeling as fabulous as possible. I need to catch up on my sleep.

Poor you Chairmum, you must be feeling shattered! Glad all was ok though

I don't have anything wise to say to you about your H (wish I did). Sending you a ((squeeze)) instead.

GP just wanted to chat to me, as the surgery hadn't seen me since Sept 08 and that there was a box on form to tick if pregnant and she wasn't sure if I was etc. So nothing to panic about. Form finally in the post.

I have been feeling more content and at peace for a long long time. Probably more due to all my wonderful friends around me. BUT my H called me today to tell me he's ended the affair with the OW. He said that she'd told him recently in several separate telephone conversations that she didn't love him. He'd caught her out lying to him several times, one example being her saying she was going for a walk and then it turned out it wasn't true and she was meeting up with male friends, he said it was ironic as he had lied to me so much, that she was also a liar but that it had happened one too many times for comfort. He also said he simply didn't trust her, as she cheated on her own boyfriend to begin the affair. He felt like he could never trust her. She also was apparently getting very jealous of the time he spent with his DCs and when he stayed to put them to bed. Anyway his phone call was a bit of a jumble. He didn't say that he wanted to get back together, he had just ended the phone call with the OW and wanted to tell me.

So I don't know what I think. He is very mixed up anyway and had bigger issues than just the affair. So I'm not planning on inviting him back to the marital home but it's quite a shock. As he has spent so long probably trying to convince himself as well as everyone else, that she was the one and that he had a connection with her we just don't have and now he has realised that's not the case. So it's quite bizarre really...

Chairmum, sorry to hear you had such an ordeal last night. You are doing so well to keep yourself positive. Hope you get a good night's sleep. I wouldn't worry about h not bonding with new baby, that'll happen automatically over time.

Tea, glad to hear nothing to worry about at dr. More importantly glad you are finally getting a bit of peace, you really deserve that. Don't know what to say to you about your h except to make sure you don't take him back on the rebound. Don't make any rash decisions. Must bring up a lot of emotions for you though.

Happy, hope things have settled down for you.

Maybees, hope you're doing ok.

Had my meditation today with friend which was a lovely start to day. I also finally got to speak to police woman & she's calling friday to go through everything. Am in court again on Mon . Anytime the tought comes into my head I just keep thinking this should be the last bad thing I have to face (the divorce should be a doddle after this).

Waves to all............

Hi everyone!

Yes can post!

My laptop hasnt allowed me for a long time so glad to say hi!

(()) Happy re son
Tea - take it very slowly re H. YOu must be so thrown in the air and shocked! Still look after yourself big time

Starting -glad you have some lovely time before the storm again - hope you can negotiate that with minimum upset. but maybe not re H and son teeth.

Chairmum. Sorry you must be feeling confused re DP . Glad you can mostly focus on you and babe and are getting support there

Mbees - sorry youve got confusion too re H seeing the light a bit - always hard

Dutchy -Respect to our future role model

Party- sorry these changes always hurt!

As for me:

Still undecided re what to do re H. Hasnt done any work on himself - needs to -need to get him to.

So just going along - seeing a bit more of him but uncommitted . Getting over shock, then going through pain/anger (again grrrr !) now working out what to do. A little bit of misbehaviour on my part but not going to worry about that after a year of deprivation.

Had a trauma with DS on Monday when asked not to bring him back to a class he goes to due to another parent complaint. Grrr to them - I could take them to the cleaners over this but wont - lots of reasons. Feel a bit sad though over it.

Starting to get more zest back for living life which is good.

Couldnt beleive Mb posted the Take That tracks as also suddenly into TT -DD also converted and loves watching Shine video

Glad to be back on here and if I disappear for a while again - you know its the laptop!

Motown from Maybees

Hi Mumfun, great that you've got laptop sorted & are back posting again. Love that you had a bit of misbehaviour! Great that your getting your zest back & not rushing any major decisions. Stuff with ds sounds v hard, I think things like this bring out the mother beast in us!

Re the thing with exh & ds's mouth. He does loads of fun stuff with dc's, brings them nice places & buys them nice stuff etc but when ds said "he didn't look at it though". I posted that cause I think it just sums up the disaster my exh is at the moment . He can do the superficial stuff but there's v little "real" there anymore I'd say .

Will have to set up a TT fan club .

Waves to all.......

too much work again! music very apt for many Maybees!

oops x post - and at this hour...

Hope not 2 painful .....just sums up my week so far... big hugs with anyone dealing with a total bastard right now x

Whatever happens ladies, new or old, I think that for me it will be a bit of horizontal dancing with someone new

video of lady with startling resemblance to me

And remember, for anyone considering a re-try, maybe it wasn't always that great...

business time from DJHappy

Have had several well balanced happyish months. Today suddenly awful - huge trauma with DS in morning - pushed all my buttons and was so angry with him .Q - very very upset DCs as really shouted at them and threw something across room (Very upset now that I did that and apologised big times to DCs)

It is so tough sometimes - wallows a bit