ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Hello girls,

Nothing much new here. I am going on hols with little one next week, sunshine for us XP is still being an arse but I am not playing his games anymore which must be so frustrating for him.

I am still dating new man, he is quite lovely so I have promised to cook him dinner at his place this Wednesday, any suggestions what to cook with the one pot and oven dish? He is a New Yorker (so doesn't cook) and has not been that long in the UK so has limited kitchen equipment.

Waves to all. Dutchy sounds like things are going really good for you, lovely to hear that. You could do a pasta dish, lasagna, casserole, stew, or fish pie?? Or maybe steaks with potato gratin (sp?)& salad?? Stirfry with noodles??

Oh just thought of something really simple & tasty. Fry strips of chicken breasts & rashers, mushrooms, onions & peppers etc. Serve in slightly warmed tortilla wraps & with rocket salad tossed in vinager & oil on the side.

Sounds lovely, can I come for tea too!!!

Ha, fajitas are so easy and utterly perfect, thank you StartingOver. Steak sounds good too though!

Yes, things are going really well, I am just so happy to be out of the emotional abusive relationship with XP.

I am taking it ever so slow though, he has never been to my place or met the dog or little one.

NY-er is just so honest and open, doesn't play any games and is so easy to talk to without getting defensive. He does take the piss out of me though, needs better training I think!

dutchgirly - sounds like a lovely bloke. How about steak fajitas (I had them last week. yum). We all deserve someone we can talk to and hopefully feel listened to.

party- I like take that much more than when all my friends were obsessed with them when I was a teenager. (I was a bit of an indie groupie instead)

I've had a lovely day despite being tired and not 100%. Did some decluttering with DS (he loves it when I rearrange his toys) and have several boxes of stuff for H to put out the shed when he has time.

Then we went out for a carvery with SIL and her kids. DS had a bit of a tantrum to start with as he was hungry and I wouldn't let him eat all of my yorkshire pudding, but he soon got down to it and we had a nice time and a lovely stroll home. I'm still stuffed because I couldn't resist (or finish) the fudge cake.

I also downloaded some hypnobirthing MP3s and some relaxation music to help me sleep (hopefully) and help me to relax about the birth. Tomorrow SIL is taking me to drop off a load of charity shop stuff too. I'm just feeling like I'm really going to be prepared!

This journey is a real rollercoaster but I am sure I am going to come out of it a better, stronger person. Of course I'm still dealing with the hormones etc at the moment but I know I'm going to keep going.

I've also decided that I'm not going to sit around waiting for H to make his decision - I'm not closing any doors but I'm also going to do what may well be best for me and ask my friend to move in for 6 months. I'm not sure if she will want to at the moment (new baby, upheaval for her DS for a potentially temporary move etc) but at least I can talk to her about it. After 6 months, if H hasn't decided to start relate with me then I can guess that he never will. He certainly won't be able to move back in just for the baby because he has to want me for me, not because he's missing out with his child. He missed that chance when he told me that I didn't seem worth making the effort for. That made me feel so utterly worthless at the time but I know that I am worth the effort. I'm not perfect but I am worth more than that sort of dismissal.

I also haven't told H but I don't think I want him at the birth. He can still make me burst into tears with an ill-considered comment and I deserve not to have that at a time when I need to be relaxed, and focused on myself.

I love these positive days though. It makes the lower ones that come so much easier. And I need all the ones I can get in the next few weeks.

And my friend had her baby early this morning. 2 weeks early. Really hoping I get to follow her example!

Waffle over!

ChairMum,

Wish you all the best and sending you positive thoughts.

Do what is best for you and baby. How dare your H suggest you're not worth making the effort for, you are carrying his baby for God's sake.

Dutchy, glad I could help with the fajitas suggestion (couldn't think of proper word) . You deserve all the happiness so enjoy every minute of your new relationship. Gives great hope to the rest of us .

Party, I've grown to love take that too......must be an age thing??

Chairmum, glad you're feeling better & that you've started to plan for future. You are right, you are so worth making an effort for, this has been a failing on the part of your h not you. Regardless of whatever probs may have been in marriage that was not the way to deal with them. Hugs to you.

Waves to all........

Just reliving the pain of last six months 2day,had a quiet chat with h over our relationship and he basically agreed he had been disrespectful and he was changing everyday,seeing life clearer different priorities and so proud of me the way i have coped.
Didnt think chat had affected me but now i am feeling the pain again just talking about it makes me so sad because if he had looked after me and 2 small dcs then,instead of going out with single friends then we would still have a marriage ,all such a waste.Dont know if i will ever get over the disrepect and loss of trust ,anyway away to watch gary barlow....2morrow is another day x

Sorry I know this is supposed to be an up-beat thread but I 've had knock back.

Just found out that H has taken OW to meet PIL, who I am very fond of and we have a good relationship.

I knew this day would come but can't believe how it has upset me.

Is that normal?

Party - we're not always upbeat. It's a place to come and vent too.

Every change is hard I think. I'm at a much earlier place on the road than most but all sorts of little things get to me, like H telling his family - who he is not all that close to - about the split very early on. Knowing they knew made me so uncomfortable.

I think its about the change though - every little thing is another nail in the coffin of the relationship :-/

Maybees & Party, sending you both big hugs. Know so well those crap feelings & how much things like that hurt. There's no easy answers but give yourselves time to heal & keep posting.

Party, this is a thread that reflects however any of us are feeling on the day. Sometimes thats upbeat & others its crap. I've posted all my woes, misery & crap here so post away. It is of course normal to feel v hurt. I still get really triggered by stuff like this.

big hugs Party and fwiw this is a post all you like thread happy sad raging whatever you want to share x

OMG that phrase, were you channeling me and MIL, 'another nail in the coffin', exactly what I said.

Makes the reality of the situation even more hard to bear.

Maybees - I find the feeling of it all being a waste hard too.

If H sorts himself out and learns to relate to people and wants to try to fix us, i will wonder why on earth he couldn't do it before. Although I suppose he could say the same about me to some extent.

I think we both need to remember we did what we could at the time and that we weren't the ones who created the waste.

Party i would watch take that on sky + .I think we know certain things are going to happen in life but it doesnt stop them hurting when they do.....Lord knows where i will be in 1yrs time or even at X Mas but trying to stay in the moment for now x

I don't look further than this week, I can't.

MIL said she wishes she could take away all the hurt and pain, she is/has been a true friend, even though it's her son who's involved. Amazing.

I hope it lasts.

Just need to pick myself up, I was happy until that bombshell, had a good day in the sun.

Thanks all.

I think i always made excuses for h b4 ,he was stressed, copying parents bad pattern etc etc.penny finally dropped for me not that long ago and thought no more excuses your an adult the opposite of respect is disrespect and you dont disrespect your wife,END OF !He knew what he was doing and unfortunately it was always going to end up with a split ,lifes too short and my dcs are too precious and deserve a calm space live.

Feeling better already

MIL sounds lovely x

She is and I am very lucky.x

positive thinking

Ah jaysus, I should be well asleep as have an early start. Maybees have just checked out your link & am facinated by clutter & space clearing course. As you know I've been doing this to my home for past god only knows how many wks. I now realise I could relaunch myself as an expert in clutter clearing & make a fortune in the process possibly!!!!!!!!

Did you see these quotes on the site, very apt for us all.....

TIP OF THE MOMENT
This moment is the first moment of the rest of your life. Use it well.

TIP OF THE WEEK
Clear out old things from your life, so that new things can enter. There is no room in a pot which is already overflowing.

Maybees your last post re H makes an awful lot of sense (I was always making excuses too). Glad you're feeling more positive.

party - a week is good. A day is enough, so long as we're getting through. Make the most of your support!

H came round this evening, did a load of jobs for me and I fed him before he took DS off. I was happy and chatty as normal (I had a lovely day with SIL), but as normal he didn't really make conversation. I know I talk a lot but there was room for him to talk too! He's never been very chatty but I never realised how its actually more lonely talking to someone who isn't sharing the conversation equally than chatting away to DS! I wouldn't expect him to be like me, but a little small talk would be a nice thing!

Anyway, my decluttering mission is almost finished - everything is going to have a home soon, certainly by the end of the weekend, and that feels good! Considering I've been having trouble sleeping - I think its pregnancy insomnia and crazy nesting instincts but I only got 4 hours last night. I'm going to play relaxation music out loud tonight to see if that helps (I couldn't get comfy with headphones in with DS next to me last night)

I'll be 37 weeks on Friday, so officially full term and I have a feeling I'm going to be before my due date. Perhaps its just wishful thinking!

Well done Miaow...getting organised sounds fab.I love relaxation music