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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what does this text mean?

136 replies

teenagecrush · 08/04/2010 07:48

following a tread in chat which is now quite long ( omg ive fallen in love with somone ive never met)

ill sum up
we met, it went really well. Heard from him twice on the sat
sun he was online but ignored me
mon we chatted online on webcam for a few hours and he said he would email me something tue and we would talk about it.

email never arrived and ive not seen him onine since, though i know he is online ( can see him posting on a forum)

I text him a general hi message to which he didnt respond ( to be fair he is terrible at replying to texts, usually doesnt for at least hours if not days, not just with me, you can see from his facebook people always asking him to respond!) then sent another text later sort of asking what was going on.

then got- miss insecure

what is that meant to mean? that i should chill out and all is ok?????

or that he is a knob?

OP posts:

IngridFletcher · 08/04/2010 07:51

That he knows he has you hooked and he is playing games?

MostActive · 08/04/2010 07:55

Why didn't you ask him why he ignored you on line? The email sending and subsequent discussion sounds a bit like a dear john to me.

OrmRenewed · 08/04/2010 07:56

I'm afraid the latter. If you really like someone you don't gve them the chance to display insecurity. Do you? I think I'd want him to tell me what it meant - to my face.

Intergalactic · 08/04/2010 07:58

Agree with Ingrid. I can't be doing with people like this - if he can't be straightforward about what's going on, i'd quickly lose patience. Maybe you should back off for a bit, try to relax? (Easier said than done, I expect!)

junglist1 · 08/04/2010 08:14

That's not nice. You said you've fallen for him, didn't you? I'd back right off if I was you, which will be hard but needs to be done. Leave him to contact you next.
Why do people do this? Especially after contacting you twice the day after

BunnyLebowski · 08/04/2010 08:33

I think sending that second text (the what's going on one) did make you look insecure tbh.

If someone doesn't reply to my texts I assume they're busy or haven't seen it and just leave it.

Sounds like maybe he thinks the same?

Or alternatively he's messing with you. I really don't know which.

MostActive · 08/04/2010 08:41

interesting that there is a totally different take on this on OPs thread in chat.

DramaInPyjamas · 08/04/2010 08:49

I reckon he is playing games because he knows he's got you where he wants you -As IngridFletcher said: hooked.
You hear about this sort of thing happening all the time.
Sorry.

ConnorTraceptive · 08/04/2010 08:54

Haven't seen your other thread but he sounds like a knob. Either way he's definately not as in to you as you are him. Sorry if that's harsh but don't let him mess you around anymore.

electra · 08/04/2010 08:56

These days, ime people do seem to enjoy playing head games - they want to have the upper hand. But this is even stranger behaviour from someone who knows you well enough to talk for a few hours on webcam.

The text is deliberately vague - he doesn't want you to know what's going on because he wants to be in control.

overmydeadbody · 08/04/2010 09:00

Yeah he's a knob, playing mind games.

he knows you are hooked. He isn't though is he?

Yeah your text does make you seem insecure too though.

How can you love someone you hardly know? Sorry but that is not love.

MostActive · 08/04/2010 09:05

Think OP prefers the answers she is getting on her other thread

QuintessentialShadow · 08/04/2010 09:21

too much virtual life here.

bloke too busy with multiple women to be able to respond swiftly to everything.

Why dont you join a yoga or a car mechanics class?

to be honest I dont "get" this whole online flirt and relate thingy.

prh47bridge · 08/04/2010 09:32

I haven't seen the other thread but I'm going to disagree with the comments here.

I have in the past tended to rush into new relationships and be fairly full on straight away. Sometimes that is ok but sometimes the girl will be put off by that. Equally, I have been scared off by girls I liked who were too full on at the start of a relationship - given the way I am, that means they were VERY full on!

If, hypothetically, I were available and starting a new relationship, I would now make a deliberate effort in the first few weeks not to talk to her every time I saw her online, not send emails and texts all the time and so on. Equally, if I was worried that a girl was being too full on but I really liked her, I would play it cool and slow the pace to something I was comfortable with.

I wouldn't send the text he has sent but my interpretation of it is that everything is ok, he likes you and you don't need to be this insecure.

I don't think he is playing mind games. I just think he doesn't want to rush in too quickly and risk losing the relationship before it is properly established.

biddyofsuburbia · 08/04/2010 09:38

Not seen the other thread. Just going on that text I have to conclude knob. Sorry. Really hope I'm wrong and he's just busy and a bit too cool (or sensible) to get all gushy & intense straight away!

Original poster

teenagecrush · 08/04/2010 09:54

how weird. both threads say conflicting things.

so, ill conclude from that that there is no answer.

There is a high chance he is a knob. But i already know that. He kind of behaves in a way which i have never seen people behave before. Anyway in which you would expect people to behave he sort of does the opposite.
Its very exciting and unpredictable and i find it very interesting.

I cant work out if it is lack of social skills ( though he has lots of friends ) or just total arrogance or most likely a mixture of both.

i do not expect him to be gushy and intense. that would freak me out and i would run in the opposite direction. he knows that. i told him that.

Thinking about it. the fact that he has text me, with, what i think is a cheeky dig text. all is ok. I know he would not have bothered to reply at all if he wasnt interested.

OP posts:

crumpette · 08/04/2010 10:06

Seems like a bit of an arrogant nob but he likes you, the smile and the insouciance of the phraseology in the text suggest he likes you a lot, but that alas he knows he has got you hooked and is therefore not trying too hard, or in fact not trying at all. So I suggest to bear in mind he is highly likely to be a knob, relax about it because he likes you and don't over-text or he will laugh and you will increase his nobbiness

MostActive · 08/04/2010 10:15

"increase his nobbiness"

Original poster

teenagecrush · 08/04/2010 10:16

oh - he has told me he likes me ALOT. but this was before we met.

and yes, i am being insecure.

and yes, he is a knob. Totally. and the most arrogant person i have ever met in my life. sadly for me arrogance is a HUGE turn on. he knows this. he also would not deny that he is an arrogant knob. Quite frankly he is able to behave however he choses because of who he is. and he tells me he has actually said ' do you know who i am' once when things were not going his way.

arrogant and a knob.

worse still is i suspect it will all end in tears, which will be mine. and theres nothing i can do to stop it. and i wouldnt want to stop it anyway.

OP posts:

Remotew · 08/04/2010 10:18

I find it quite rude when someone doesn't reply to a text as quickly as they can. However, if it's a new man it does keep you on your toes and when you eventually get the reply, it's more precious.

My advice is to relax about it all. Your second text does make you look insecure, so he is right. Now back off and let him do the contacting first from now on.

I would have just replied with something like 'Oh you think so do you ' then left him to it.

I hate all this online stuff also. Have dabbled with online dating but prefer to meet by chance instead.

sunshiney · 08/04/2010 10:20

best thing you can do is go and find someone else to be interested in.

he sounds like a tit.

MostActive · 08/04/2010 10:22

"Quite frankly he is able to behave however he choses because of who he is. and he tells me he has actually said ' do you know who i am' once when things were not going his way" - is he Simon Cowell? please explain further.

Original poster

teenagecrush · 08/04/2010 10:27

he is not a tit.

not really. he is actually rather wonderful.
or a lot wonderful.

i did reply to his text with: so. maybe. probably

he knows im inpatient. and i know he would have known i would have reacted like that.
and i know what what do to to get a reaction out of him. i do it all the time. he knows i do it.

we are actually both as bad as each other.
so that probably makes me an arrogant knob too.

OP posts:

ChristianaTheSeventh · 08/04/2010 10:30

Message withdrawn

Original poster

teenagecrush · 08/04/2010 10:31

ha - he makes simon cowell seem modest

pmsl

he actually does. no word of a lie.

last friday we were out doing something and a policeman came over and asked him to stop what he was doing. ( nothing illegal) and he told the policeman to hold on for a second. called his lawyer passed the phone to the policeman, the lawyer gave him an earful the policeman appolgised and that was that.

very amusing.

OP posts:

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