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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do you make your dp suffer when he's behaved like an arse?

70 replies

fedup1981 · 07/04/2010 11:59

Firstly this isn't an entirely serious thread! and I know many of you must be able to talk things through calmly and rationally like grown ups and have no need for the cold shoulder etc

So this is a thread for the rest of us! What things do you do to bring some consequences to your dp/dh when you're really pissed off with them? I need the equivalent of the naughty step, but for a 33 year old!

OP posts:
MostActive · 07/04/2010 12:02

I think being called a cunt by your so-called dp is worthy of more than the naughty step OP.

Original poster
fedup1981 · 07/04/2010 12:03

Ideas then?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 12:04

I mentally beat him down with my superior knowledge, wit and sarcasm

Works like a charm

Original poster
fedup1981 · 07/04/2010 12:14

You always think of the perfect thing to say after they've stomped out, don't you?

OP posts:
Malificence · 07/04/2010 12:45

I'm afraid if I was ever called a name like that by my husband, he would be out of the door, he's never sworn at me or called me awful names even once in 28 years - it's appalling.

I wouldn't need to make him suffer, if he's hurt me (unintentionally) then he does that well enough himself.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2010 12:48

It depends on the crime, but I'm gathering there's another thread about him calling you a cunt?

Usually I carry on about my day blithely ignoring mine, being really cheerful and happy and virtually skipping about but not acknowledging that he's even in the room. This has the useful side effect of making me feel in a good mood, and often he doesn't even notice so we just fall back into being happy with each other.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 12:59

whaaat ?

he called you a cunt ?

then I withdraw my previous jokey-type comment

and say..there isn't much come-back to that is there ?

other than "there is the door...now use it"

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 13:01

...or quite simply..."fuck off...and when you get there, fuck off again"

and I would be perfectly serious about it, too

mal, my DH has never called me a bad name in our 7 years of marriage, either

it would just never enter his head to do so

Mouseface · 07/04/2010 13:10

Did I miss that name calling thread too?

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 13:11

oops, 17 years of marriage

FakePlasticTrees · 07/04/2010 13:23

He called you a cunt????

Not acceptable.

In answer to your question, when DH has been an arse, he tends to realise it. I sulk and/or look sad. I've learned that calmly saying (in a sad voice) "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." Has much more effect that all the shouting and hysterics ever could. Generally he'll come and say he's sorry/try to do useful things like clean out the freezer to show that he's sorry. Actually worth him being an arse as some well timed sighs afterwards gets all those niggly jobs round the house done over the next few days (could do with him doing something stupid the next day or so as I want the dead rosebush digging up this weekend).

Original poster
fedup1981 · 07/04/2010 13:25

Didn't really want that thread dragging over to this one, just wanted to know what other women do when their partners pissed them off badly enough!

OP posts:
Original poster
fedup1981 · 07/04/2010 13:27

Sorry, that sounded a bit arsey. I'm not trying to be arsey, just tired, not looking forward to him coming home and sort of wanted cheering up.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 07/04/2010 13:29

I don't make my DH 'suffer'. If he called me a cunt I'd probably never speak to him again, tbh.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 13:30

it's not really a cheerful subject though is it

if you want cheering, have a look at Smallships reunion thread (and follow the "elf" link)

or Reality's "life is good" thread

or have a look in classics...you will split your sides in there

I don't think anyone wants to make you feel worse than you already do...but denying that your P calling you a cunt is just about as low as it goes won't help you either

LeQueen · 07/04/2010 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaggers · 07/04/2010 17:40

I Make a curry for tea, put extra chilli seeds in his and when his mouth is on fire casualy say "is that to hot for you dear"

However this may be abuse.

ShinyAndNew · 07/04/2010 17:47

I tell him that I no longer love him and the only reason I am still with are financial and the state of eldest's metal well being. Once she has recieved counselling and I ahve saved enough money we are out of here.

I then pull faces at the fact that he still wants me here and is not accomadating or encouraging my moving out. Seriously why on earth would you wish to carry on in a relationship with a person who frequently reminds you that they are no longer in love with you and would rather be cellibate for the rest of their lives than spend it with you?

As you have probably guessed my twat called me a cunt one too many times. Leave. It's not on and will wear down on your self esteem and confidence untill you have nothing of yourself left.

However if that is your only problem then I'd suggest anger management for him and the chilli seeds suggestion. I haven't read the other thread, but I am guessing this about more than a once-off slip of the tongue?

overmydeadbody · 07/04/2010 18:38

Well I got a divorce. That taught him.

OP I recommend it, especially if he called you the C word.

NinaJane · 07/04/2010 19:27

Flush the toilet while he is in the shower.

As soon as he settles down for an afternoon nap on the couch, whisper to you youngest child: 'go jump on daddy'.

Instead of making sure he has clean underwear and socks in his drawer, recycle smelly ones, by spraying it with room freshner.

zapostrophe · 07/04/2010 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LeQueen · 07/04/2010 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redredruby · 07/04/2010 22:45

jaggers that is so funny - will def try that.....might just be more effective than poking them in the eye with a fork! Which, yes, could be construed as abuse.

onesouffle · 07/04/2010 23:30

I've just told my dh to sleep on the sofabed. I just went in there and saw that he had no duvet on him so I threw a sleeping bag at him (made him jump) then went into the kitchen (which is next door) and turned the very loud dishwasher on and heated my wheat bag thingy in the microwave. Feel I could have done more though. I won't speak to him tomorrow morning before he goes to work either. Argh! Don't actually feel that much better

RubyPink · 07/04/2010 23:38

My DH called our DS a 'stupid cunt' when he was 10 for running in front of a photo DH was taking. What do you think of that?