ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Hi Chairmum, glad to hear ds back in form. It's probably early days with regards to H. It would be hard to be full of enthuasism about getting back together when you've been left pg.

Hi Happy, add details for meet up to your list of things to do .

I've tackled the garden this morning, not a plesant task. I took a break to collect dc's nearly two hours ago & still haven't worked up enthuasism to get back out! Ok, delay tactics over, am on my way...........

Ok, just back in from garden, can barely move............

Worse, now that I've started I'll have to keep going and there's at least a week's work I'd say..........

I distinctly recall the landscapers telling me it was going to be maintance free..............bollocks!

Advice please. How do I get rid of a massive resentment?? Older Dumplings i.e. those who have been around for awhile will recall I had a run in with BIL in Dec. He attacked me in supermarket about what I was doing to his brother. Said he didn't deserve jail (wtf). This is same BIL who had previously said (when I told him about dv), he should be jailed. I was v v upset after incident with BIL. However, I then had an opportunity over xmas to give BIL a few home truths & I thought that would be the end of it for me.

Not so, I unfortunately keep bumping into BIL in local supermarket & he just ignores me as if I'm a piece of s*it. Also ignores dc's but they haven't copped this yet (only a matter of time). I just met him again in supermarket & dear god I feel so angry. Please how do I get over this & learn not to be effected when I bump into him??

Advice fellow Dumplings??

P.S. Reason for change of attitude with BIL is because exh filled him with s*it.

It's like I'm the bich, I should have just brushed it all under carpet! Fuking wan*ers the two of them! F8ck, he's just managed to put me in foul humour.

hmmm well, according to my manual, I'd say...........

1. remember his action is more about him than about you. You can't control his behaviour but you can control yours. If you feel/know you're in the right and are behaving in a dignified way then I think that's all you can do really. No doubt in reality, given all that has gone on, he feels a combination of loyalty to XH (blood thicker than water and all that), shame and embarrassment at what has happened, male tendency to avoid any difficult situation like the plague (sorry any good guys reading this - do good guys lurk here? )
2. one on the list for the counsellor
3. rehearse what you will do when you see him next time and think about best way to manage situation with the DC's
4. write down how you feel about the situation with him on a piece of paper and throw it in the bin

any help??

take your mind off it by going to a Songathon

Thanks for your prompt response Happy. Denial about exh would be no1 on his list I'd say. Shame & embarrasment don't figure. I just genuinely don't understand how anyone can condone behaviour of exh, there's a lot more that I told BIL that I've never posted. Only explanation I can come up with is that he must be as bad as him!

starting - that sounds stressful, I'd have all sorts of swirling emotions esp anger if it was me

Happy's advice is good, wise old dumpling

starting - I know how you feel with that one, and I have no idea how to overcome it. Plenty of sympathy from here though

I don't see my mother (haven't for 10 years) for various reasons, and very rarely see the rest of my family, but the few times I have seen my grandma, she always makes some comment about "going easy" on my mother or somesuch, as if I am being unfair. Its so frustrating that she either doesn't know the whole story or has had various things played down. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see her around town

If its BIL Vulgaris best to prune right back in Autumn .The invasive nature of this species along with its spiky appearance makes it difficult to manage in most gardens.Prone to rot.Best to plant in its own container to avoid unwanted contamination of healthy plants.

MB you are on fire -I need a rolling round emoticon here! Sorry your finding it hard to deal with H but your boundaries are right and excellent!

Starting -Ifyourhappy has given you the definitive I think re dealing with BIL. It seems that it will keep happening so need to sort handling it in advance

Mb - also thx for asking about DS. hes fine really -none the wiaser as we havent told him yet -thats another story. But hes a sweetheart and doing well atm Id say.

Tea -I was v angry for you with your H - he is having his cake etc etc. It is possible you know to have MLC at 30 - happens sometimes but can only say yes it could be just bad behaviour.

Movie - from your other thread I think you told your mum and dad and also made up your mind re H. Very decisive and tough decision - hope your little DS is ok! WIsh I could maybe have been as decisive as you but youve got to do what you can do!

Ha Miaow. Also have challeenging relationship with mother and its my sis in this case who plays her behaviour down and memorably told me recently that I was as bad as her. I dont think so!

For the sound track- like the BM, can I add for the DCs My favourite Things from Sound of M as it has helped them and they love it atm.

Maybees, I'll translate that to mean ignore the fu*ker & steer clear!

Hi Tea, thanks for the support.

Hi Chairmum, ouch that's a million times worse for it to be your own mother . .

Hi Mumfun, & thanks.

Ok, am restored to serenity again . Should I just ignore him back on future occassions or should I maybe say something to him? Is there any point in trying to resolve this?

I'm probably more sensitive at the moment as I'm in court on Wed re access & maintenance . Will have to be in same room as H & don't think hearing will be pleasant .

Am stiff & sore all over from my obsessive gardening! Lavender bath beckoning.........

On that note am pondering my wardrope.............

Should I go sex siren or pennyless deserted wife in tatty clothes??

You will go as the fabulous dumpling that you are Starting

Lady in Red turned out to be the mistress . Will go in black me thinks!

Can we please boycott the Lady in Red just for that very reason............. CDB was a twunt!

She was the fu*king aupair for gods sake............

Ok, serenity restored again.........

Any more suggestions Happy .

Sorry Happy, hope I didn't frighten you away............. .

I'm being stupid now sorry - what is CDB?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
There's your answer.

"expectations bring resentment"
(alanon)

Expect he will be an arse then you wont be dissapointed.

Things to say to him in supermarket if you meet

Have you been working out you look great!
Your flies are undone!
Followed by made you look !

OR

Have you seen the Bolinger sweetie ,I'm stocking up for after court party !!!

Totally empathise on the whole thing being unfair.I'm not going to be shouting my side of my story very loudly but I KNOW the truth and that is what matters !

Oh Maybees, I love you, I really do. I have just roared out laughing reading your post. I could kiss you, I love it, I love it. Next time I see him I will think of your post & I will just have a little chortle to myself & keep my head up high. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy, CDB is for twunt Chis De Bugh who wrote the Lady in Red for his dc's aupair that he was banging! In support of all Dumplings he should be boycotted for this very reason. Scratch him from the list .

Go for drop dead gorgeous everytime !!!
Killer heels ,tight clothes !
Great hair and make -up !

Can you get away for an Easter break for some sunshine,just complete change of scene and something impulsive ?

I'm going to copy, paste & frame your last post Maybees. Absolutely brilliant! You are one hell of a witty dumpling, hats off to you!