Teaandcake, I'm in a simillar mental space as maybees at the moment I think. Not long ago I was where you are now and so I know that it's a total living hell and every waking moment is torture. I know that I deffinately wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for the antideppressants. Are you on them ? They literally saved my life and continue to do so.
They're not scarrey, too addictive or shameful. They are just a wonderful crutch to help people cope. I thank god every day that I was born in an era where we have them. A hundred years ago I would have been carted off to the mad house with all the other thousands of women. I think large numbers were there purely due to PND. Anyway they are availeble to you and I can't recomend them highly enough.
I don't think there is anything more painful than a broken heart and it's one of those things that you can only understand if you've been there yourself.
For me I constantly needed the distraction of the tv, which I fell asleep to (still do), and the radio next to my bed for when I'd wake up in the night crying and crying and unable to go back to sleep.
I did self esteem courses, hypnotherapy, divorce workshop etc. Nothing really helped apart from the fact that I knew I was trying to help myself and do everything possible to get through it.
I wanted to end it all but then H would have had the luxurey of moving back into our house
and I was damned if I was going to let that happen.
Sort out your finances, get a good lawyer, open new bank accounts, get self help books, maybe some highlights for the summer, fruit in the kitchen,chicken and fish for well being and strength, new lipstick, and whatever else it takes for you to feel attractive and empowered.
Your H really sounds pathetic actually. The thought of him playing Wii with a 21 yr old slapper while you're at home looking after your DC makes me feel sick.
I've stopped asking myself all the questions eg why did he go, how could he leave our wonderful DC because there are no answers. I really do think that men are from totally different planets and will never understand each other. Men are generally extremely selfish and put themselves first whilst women generally put the DC and H first and themselves last. I think however that in the end you might well have the last laugh.
My god, a 21 year old WTF.
You WILL get through this, you really will but you need to rise up and be strong, and help yourself and see your friends as often as possible, not just to vent but to have a laugh, belly laughs if poss.
My family is crap and I don't see them but my friends are pure gold.
I still spend most of every day and night thinking about H but gradually the crying has lessened.
What you're going through is unimaginable pain and unfortunately there are hundreds of thousands of women (and some men) who go though it. Most of them survive it well enough and you will too. It takes time though.xxx