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Original poster

ive lied. how do i sort it out

151 replies

totallovefool · 01/03/2010 18:47

I had been seeing this man for about 5 months on and off.
He contacted me a couple of weeks ago and we got talking.

I told a small lie, which is seems has changed everything, and based on that he wants to give it another go.

I didnt intentially lie, i thought it was harmless due to the on/off nature of our relationship. I never expected to talk to him again, let alone for this to happen.

So, now there is this big fat lie in the way.
Ive been avoiding it, or being vague for the last few weeks. But, i feel so guilty. I cant lie to him anymore, especially if he wants to give it a go. Id love to give it a go. I love him.
But im almost sure, if i tell him the truth that will be the end of it.
but i cant fix the lie.

i dont know what to do.

OP posts:
dittany · 01/03/2010 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overmydeadbody · 01/03/2010 19:41

He's just after sex you know.

So if you want, and you can keep your emotions out of it, go ahead and shag him, but don't kid yourself that he is actually interested in you, as a person.

Original poster
totallovefool · 01/03/2010 19:41

haha i might have showed off. and i might have bragged a little bit.

but at that point it was all a game to me.

its just turned slightly more serious now. and i realise that ive backed myself into a corner.

i didnt get a rubber band...! i did get latex stockings. and long latex gloves and ballet boots.

which i adore. and more importantly i brought FOR MYSELF a few weeks after we stopped seeing each other. I had no idea he would come back into mylife.

i just should have kept my mouth shut.

we both like the latex fetish stuff. noone is the driving force behind it.

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 01/03/2010 19:42

Nother Hijack

Hequet - I cried to my sis and then fell asleep feeding DD to sleep. BUT Have had a good day which I will tell you about later. x mwhah!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/03/2010 19:42

What the fucking fuck?????

So...........he said he would buy you the fetish gear cos he is loaded. Then you fell out and bought yourself something anyway. As a way to get him back you told him you bought the fetish clothes. He wants you back because he wants to fuck you you are not materialistic and bought your own fetish gear. But in fact you didn't, and you are now worrying that you don't have a spare 2 grand to buy them so he never finds out, and that he only wants to see you because you are available for sex are not after his money.

Oh for fuck sake. Tell him you lied about buying the clothes. Explain that you were trying to goad him but you do not want him to buy you the gear. Refuse to accept it if he offers. Do not base your decision on whether to continue seeing him or not on the fact that he wants to see you in fetish gear.

He sounds like a complete knob and you sound a bit.....mixed up. This is no way to start a relationship (unless it's just a sex thing, in which case let him buy you the damn clothes since he wants to fuck you in them so much)

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:43

and what else does he think you've bought?

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heQet · 01/03/2010 19:44

no problem hobbgoblin, long as you're ok. x

Bleenherbe · 01/03/2010 19:45

But the point is he wants you back because you've got the gear. I mean, how special does that make you feel?

overmydeadbody · 01/03/2010 19:45

Of course, you could just keep lieing and tell him you don't want to show him the stuff you bought, or don't want to use it with him...

Just because you are seeing him thins weekend doesn't mean you have to let him rummage around your wardrobe for new black rubber and leather goods.

arsesandoldlace · 01/03/2010 19:45

Where did you bring it?

It's bought not brought.

Anyway, totally mystified by this. He's a controlling arse. You need to cut him off. It's not the lies, it's the control that's the problem.
Don't be a living sex toy.

twinklesky · 01/03/2010 19:48

I'm so confused.

But mostly, I want to know what fetish we are talking...I mean, is it like, a weird leather and studs contraption type outfit? A full leather gimp suit? Do people still do that stuff? It seems a bit eighties to me :/

How many things have you already bought?

So YOU actually like this kind of stuff?

2 grand??!!!!

Original poster
totallovefool · 01/03/2010 19:49

hobgoblin has got it i think

its based on game playing

that is the whole dymanic of our relationship.

hes not beating me, nor i him. BDSM isnt just about inflicting pain.

He admits he likes making me jump thought hoops. and i enjoy winding him up and pissing him off.

brings me great pleasure

but i think its the fact that ive lied that will be the problem. Because with BDSM is all about trust. YOu have to totally trust someone. I lied and have broken that trust.

yes, i know its weird and everythiung. but thats how it is.

yes, i was into fetish and bdsm before i met him.

its not about the sex if he wants me zipped up in a lockable latex catsuit. Sex is not the issue here.

OP posts:
heQet · 01/03/2010 19:50

could you not just fashion yourself something from several pairs of marigolds and a bicycle chain?

hobbgoblin · 01/03/2010 19:50

He should accept you for who you are, liar, fantasist, strictly missionary position femme fatale, dominatrix...whatever. You love him for being a controlling, miserly fuck buddy - he should show you the same.

twinklesky · 01/03/2010 19:50

A lockable latex catsuit?

Wow...this is...odd. I guess that you've found someone who excited you and shares the same kind of sexual peccadillos as you...and that is making you want to hang onto him.

But why...why are you worried about telling him? Is he likely to be a dick?

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/03/2010 19:51

this is ridiculous. Silly games.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/03/2010 19:52

Ewwww they are gross.

waitingforgodot · 01/03/2010 19:52

I think he will spank you hard lady for telling porkies

Bleenherbe · 01/03/2010 19:53

Hard to advise when the parameters are so unusual. I mean he sounds ghastly but she likes that about him. I think you need a more specialist forum, op.

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:55

ok so make it into a game .. tell him you have returned (can you do that?!) some of the items. he will have to earn his stripes if he wants you to buy more ... or he could be the one who chooses what you wear ...

all seems a bit fucked up to me, but if that's how it works, and that's what you're into then perhaps that is a way to do it?

on the other hand, if trust across all areas is so important (and I get that it has to be "in the bedroom" as it were) then perhaps you should walk away and learn your lesson for future encounters. tell him you lied and that you know this has broken the sacred bond of trust so you don't expect to see him (because also if you are into game playing in this way, and you tell him you have lied, perhaps this would give him licence to lie to you too, so now neither of you would have trust?)

hobbgoblin · 01/03/2010 19:56

You see, my exdp with whom I really struggle to break the ties (mind you, we do have a baby together) has me exactly where he wants me. He is controlling, penny pinching and has me forking out for his benefit despite his income quadruple that of my own, and generally accommodating him in every way. The thing is, I'm not a total doormat so I get my 'payback' in other ways. Well, I don't but the need to seeps out of me and so I keep a tally in my head of minor points against him - little condescensions, sparingness with facts about things to suit me. It is HORRIBLE and so undermining of self. Don't do it.

You obviously know he has you over a barrel but 5 months in you have a great opportunity not to get dragged down with this to-ing and fro-ing.

You can never win this game if you are emotionally braver and more decent a human than him. The winner is always going to be the bigger bastard so don't stoop to this level.