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Original poster

ive lied. how do i sort it out

151 replies

totallovefool · 01/03/2010 18:47

I had been seeing this man for about 5 months on and off.
He contacted me a couple of weeks ago and we got talking.

I told a small lie, which is seems has changed everything, and based on that he wants to give it another go.

I didnt intentially lie, i thought it was harmless due to the on/off nature of our relationship. I never expected to talk to him again, let alone for this to happen.

So, now there is this big fat lie in the way.
Ive been avoiding it, or being vague for the last few weeks. But, i feel so guilty. I cant lie to him anymore, especially if he wants to give it a go. Id love to give it a go. I love him.
But im almost sure, if i tell him the truth that will be the end of it.
but i cant fix the lie.

i dont know what to do.

OP posts:
dittany · 01/03/2010 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 19:26

Well, if he only wants to see you for the clothing, I would ask him to piss orf and come back when he is ready to be reasonable.

Just tell the truth, you did not get all in one go, you got some, then realized you needed to spread the cost due to life expenses such as carpet, etc. And have ordered the rest, due to arrive in 8 weeks.

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:27

i don't geddit.

you were seeing him, you said you wanted some clothes and he said he would get them / or you asked him to buy them for you.

you then fell out before he'd bought you anything.

you spoke a few weeks later and you casually dropped into conversation that you had now bought ALL the said items yourself, at which point he said - ooh I feel differently about you now, so let's go out again.

and you are cacking yourself because the whole basis of your relationship is balanced on the fact that you bought some, but not all, of some stuff that you wanted ... ???

weird. he sounds bizarre if this was really the reason he wanted to get back with you.

if it's not sex stuff then is it because he is loaded and suspected you are a gold digga?

Original poster
totallovefool · 01/03/2010 19:27

i think it doesnt matter what i did or didnt buy.

what matters is the fact that i lied.

which is why i didnt want to say what it was as it rather trivilaises it.

its still a lie.
he will be so cross that ive lied

i should have said i had brought just what i had brought. ( which i got for myself as i wanted them)

but i didnt

and im an idiot

OP posts:
Bleenherbe · 01/03/2010 19:27

Ah, I thought it was reminding me of something - also a bit of that book where the man invented all sorts of stuff about his addictions - similar stylee - a million little pieces?

Monty100 · 01/03/2010 19:29

2K

So, you bought the fetish clothes to get him back?

Wouldn't give him bed house room.

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAMummy · 01/03/2010 19:30

I think it does matter what the lie was regarding. He was too cheap to buy something he wanted to use with you but is happy to come running bakc if you paid for it what a catch

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 19:30

No she showed off about having bought them Monty, but now is cringing as in fact all she got was one rubber band from Rymans. What to do?

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:31

x posted.

i think the main issue is who first brought up the fetish stuff, him or you? who's driving it, him or you?

or did you meet both knowing you were into fetishism?

he sounds like an idiot - he has changed his mind about going out with you on the basis of sexual proclivities.... if you weren't dressing up he wouldn't want you. Fine to be into it, but should that be the whole reason to be together?

Monty100 · 01/03/2010 19:31

Or didn't buy as the case is.

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 01/03/2010 19:31

I think you need to take a break from all men. This is crazy.

heQet · 01/03/2010 19:32

tbh, he's only coming to you for the sex now he thinks you've got the clothing that he gets off on, so basically he's using you for kinky sex. He didn't want you without it - you know that, don't you?

dittany · 01/03/2010 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monty100 · 01/03/2010 19:32

Thanks for that aht.

Original poster
totallovefool · 01/03/2010 19:33

yes - also he is quite ' loaded' so that fact that i brought them counts
according to him

he is bizarre. i still like him though.

i hope its not all based on what i said i got, although, if im honest, i suspect it might be.

i dont know

blee - whats that book?

OP posts:
heQet · 01/03/2010 19:34

Of course it is! - he didn't want you, you said you'd bought the kinky gear - he's coming over.

Now. Please link to this fetish gear.

itsmeitsmeolord · 01/03/2010 19:34

He will come round, shag you and then you will not hear from him again.
Who gives a fuck if you lied, he is a nob.

jamaisjedors · 01/03/2010 19:34

(hijack) - about this thread though!!!

LBAM we NEEEEED you on the book swap thread!

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:36

will he be mad because you lied specifically about this, or because you lied, full stop.

in what way will he be mad? what will he do or say do you think?

hobbgoblin · 01/03/2010 19:38

Even if you undo the lie somewhat by telling the truth now, you must realise that this is a relationship based around game playing. It was game playing that made you lie, game playing that got him interested again, game playing that will make him act like he is bothered by the lie - which in reality he won't be because the lie is really little and silly - but actually he is bothered about scoring the next point.

So, he will act all pissed at you for lying so you feel suitably chastised, then he will create a hoop for you to jump through, or dump you so you feel you have to have a parting shot (such as the lie you told him which was your way of saying stuff you I got the stuff meself so nerrrrr) so then he feels he has to restart the game to win the point back and make you feel bad and so on.

Tell him the truth now and if he tries to make you feel awful about it just say that whilst you apologise for the minor deceit you are not so hung up on him that you wish to eat humble pie forever so he can accept your apology and move on or else jog on.

mrsruffallo · 01/03/2010 19:38

Agree with its me
He sounds like a stingy knobhead
He only wants to be with you if you are committed to fulfilling his sadomasochistic tendencies?
And he felt that you weren't serious about it because you wouldn't spend 2k on this stuff to begin with?

I think the lie is the least of your problems here

TopoftheMorning · 01/03/2010 19:39

oh jeez he's loaded but uses this fact to mean that you should fork out £2k on stuff, which is for the benefit of both of you.

he really is a nob. get rid.

or have kinky sex and then get rid.

heQet · 01/03/2010 19:39

He'll be mad about her lying about getting the fetish gear because that's the reason he's now decided to give it a go and come over.

Really love, is this what you want?

overmydeadbody · 01/03/2010 19:39

Eh?!

He changed his mind about being with you because you bought the right sort of (fetich) clothes?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be with me based on things I owned!!

And how can you say in your OP that you "love him"?!?! Of course you don't love him you silly girl.