he's left me

[fallingtopieces]

namechanger here, lavenderrr, glass plates, red rug, judge flounce etc etc

my dp of 5 years left me today.
Things had been a bit iffy for 2-3 months, not communicating, taking each other for granted etc. I've not had much of a sex drive for a long time so that had kind of been crap too.. maybe once a month or so but I spent three weeks in hospital for an illness and now I have energy, am healthy, our sex life has been fantastic etc etc

About 3 weeks ago he was very down and told me he needed some time out alone to think things over and that he would stay at his parents. he never went and things would improve for a few days and then he'd get down and moody again. He was going to stay the odd night at his parents and seemed to come back rejuvenated from that.

On Monday, something made me look at his pc history and I saw he'd been looking at a woman on facebook a lot, a bit more digging and I discovered that rather than being at his parents he was staying nights with her.

I confrtonted him and he said that he had ended it with her and realised it was me he wanted all along and that we could fix things etc etc. I agreed to this because I can see that I have some responsibility for our problems too and I love him.

So this week has been difficult, I've been hurt and angry and he's been very sorry and reassured me that he loves me, even talked about our getting married and stuff like that.

then last night she sent him a long email saying she'd fallen for him and all kinds of stuff including that she knew they had no future because he kept talking and thinking about me, and since then he turned very hostile to me and is dragging up arguments and rows from years and years ago and trying to make it all my fault.

He went to work this morning still saying he loves me and wants us to work things out and then he came home and hour ago, packed a bag and left, saying that he's going to stay at his parents to think things ovre - that he needs time alone and won't be seeing her either and will call me from there to prove it, but I saw a message from him to her that he's going to meet her.

She works at the same place as him, although in a different building.

he said that if I make any kind of contact with him then I will never see or hear from again.

I don't know what to do now. My heart is thumping, I cant stop shaking, I feel sick and almost like someone's died.

I think I'll steer clear of the red stuff

will see about one of those thingies tomorrow

g'night and thanks again

Hi just wanted to let you know that am still here, checking up on you. Hope you feel ok today. Just read you were ignoring his texts, you are stronger than you think you are. they don't like not be number one in your thoughts and actions do they.
you will still have bad days, just be prepared and do what you need to do to get through them. at least if you can work it out with him in the future, you are sending him a message that you are not to be messed with and you can live without him, you might not want to but you can. I know that horrible feeling of wanting things to go back to normal and that its just a bad dream, but at least you know now what he is capable of and can make decisions for your future. I think you'll find that now he can't have you, he will want you even more and OW will have the stressed out, no fun to be with man. I might be wrong but most men do tend to follow a pattern. ]
Don't forget to eat, I didn't and made me go downhill very quickly.

Thanks daisy. I don't feel too bad today, maybe because I've been out for most of it - very sad but that awful gut churning is gone, even managed half a slice of toast.

he's going nutso today, texts, emails etc, cheeky git even sent me his cv to grammar and spell check for him

As much as I want things to go back to normal, I really don't think there's any way that they ever can. The damage that he's done would take a helluva lot of work to repair and I honestly don't think he's got it in him to make the effort to do it.

Not sure if she's dumped him but it looks like she has and he's trying to win her back too, roflfmao.

sheesh what a frikkin loser he is.

Falling - I've been lurking and cheering you on from the sidelines. I applaud you for sending those E mails, but the content of them was very revealing - and might help you in your resolve.

I found it really distasteful that your DP was engaged in any dialogue where a woman is laughingly described as a "ho" - a really offensive, sexist term. If OW has got any sense and esteem, she will be resolute in her dumping of him. Please stick to your resolve too - any man like this is just not worth it.

I am inordinately cheerful that this bloke has had his bluff called by two women who he wanted to pit against eachother. I've got less sympathy for OW, because she knew what she was signing up for - all my sympathy is reserved for you. Don't weaken.

Indeed - don't weaken, you are doing so well. Just get on with that painting and with each roll of the roller imagine you are blocking out his face!

he's with her

What a twat you're better off without him.

They deserve each other.

HOWEVER

you could always sent on his recent emails to OW

Oh that's such a bad idea....

oops that should be not

how do you know?

The frantic messaging stopped at around the time she'd be finished work.

He's deleted all the messages he sent me today.

Kind of ironic that now he's sneaking behind her back to contact me isn't it? lol

What a weak man. Oooh sorry - did I say 'man'.

I feel sick and lousy all over again

you still have his emails, don't you? And surely they are in his trash folder... sorry, bad influence here. I have been watching this thread and you've been so strong. I really admire your strength in all of this!

If you have OW mobile number you can forward his texts to you on to her.

yes but what's the point? I don't want him back anymore, he clearly doesn't want me. He's obviously told her some story about me being some kind of bunny boiler or something that I must have faked the messages and she's believed it.

they're welcome to each other, they started out with deceit and it will continue that way but it still hurts me

You're much more mature than I am, ftp
So sorry you're hurting Like someone else said, it's going to be a rollercoaster ride, unfortunately. I can't believe what a jerk he is.

Yes you are right they deserve each other. He is obviously a weak cowardly man twunt who can't be on his own. he needs someone....

Please look after youself. Is there anyone who can be with you tonight?

no, there's no one
I'l be ok
early night I think

as someone said earlier, he is hardly a prize catch.
he lies, cheats, is disrespectful.

do you really want that in your life?

i know you dont.

sorry you are hurting, but it will get better, you just have to go through the process

what can you do for you right now?

foot bath?
exercise dvd?
put a tan on?

I dunno
going to get a cuppa in a min
maybe watch a bit of telly or something
early night

god i feel sick but i dont understand why?

He's doing the headgames agian

he's made a terrible mistake, he wants his soulmate back, he loves me more than I'll ever know etc etc etc

wtf do I do/say? What if he means it this time? Should I give him a chance to try?

gahhhh

OMG I want to throttle this man! For the moment I wouldn't say or do anything. I don't think you are in the right state of mind to make any decisions either way - give yourself a bit of time before you take any action.

He probably has made a mistake but you said he was with her last night, then this morning he wants to be with you. No wonder you are confused. I think he may be too but then that's of his own making.

Please, for today, don't respond or get involved in any conversation with him. Give yourself a bit of time to try and clear your head.

Let him wait. this is the tough part, but you have to do it so you know his intentions are clear, because I didn.t do what your doing I'll never be sure if my H's intentions were the right ones at the time.
He is frightened that he can't control the way you feel about him, which he thought he could by playing you off against eachother. now is the time to say you need time and space and then go out with friends and try to enjoy yourself, this will scare him further, if he feels he has been cast aside. every time I said to my H at the time of affair 'ok i'll leave you alone now'. he would start texting me, but if I was texting him he would ask me to leave him alone. stupid stupid control games. you have come this far, do it for you and to teach him a much needed lesson.

Yep, you're both right. His actions will speak a lot louder than any words he can come up with now.

Thank you for keeping me strong!!

yes thats right. and if he really wants you back, then he has to prove it by dumping her and fighting for YOU. my dad was a womaniser and he had an affair for 4 years, when my mum asked him to leave he went to OW cause he couldn't be alone, some men are pathetic and will go with who wants them. don't let yourself be in my situation whereby you wonder if you are second best.
He made the mess let him clear it up. I so wish I had been as strong as you are being. I'm going out with my H tonight to ask him for the truth, this is 6 months after affair. if I had have done what your doing I Wouldn't have doubts now.

I have just read through this entire thread.
Well done for being so strong. You are much better of without him.

He is panicking now. He has blown it with both of you, and trying to say what he thinks will win you over. Both of you. Then he will put down with whomever accepts him back first, but most likely he will not be satisfied with that, but continue his games till BOTH of you agree to continue, and THEN he will chose.

You better not let him do this, and you better not take him back just to be left again, so please keep strong and keep a dignified silence.