Please tell me your classic MIL or Mother quotes and situations

[RTKangaMummy]

DS wants to write a short sketch about an interferring MIL who constantly interferes with the life of the DIL

Sort of like the programme

"EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND"

Please give as many examples as you can of the best quotes and situations

Thanks guys you are deffo brill

We want royalties.

LOL

He is writing it to perform at school ~ then he and a friend act it out in a competition

The problem is that I don't have a MIL {DH mum and dad died years before we met}

So I don't have any quotes or stories for him to use

We both really like EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND but he isn't allowed to use TV or film scripts

So I suggested that I would ask you guys ~ cos you have always been so deffo brill in the past

I am sure that you have stories about your interferring MIL or Mothers "who always know better!!!"

oh my goodness ~ I was wrong ~ you must all have wonderful MIL who don't interfere or wind you up or who think they know better

Blimey I didn't realise how wrong I was ~ I told kangaboy that it was a worldwide problem and that MN would have lots of funny stories for him to take inspiration from

"You're damning us all to hell"

Exclaimed rather loudly and dramitcally when she was rather drunk one new year because I don't go to church and don't force encourage my boys to go either. (even though she only goes about once every 2 months)

Not sure if that's the kind of thing you want?

Also declaring, again rather loudly, at a large family party that all her family were blonde and blue-eyed. Accompanied by a rather withering look at ds2 and I who are olive skinned, with very dark hair and eyes.

Actually shouldn't be nasty- she's been a big help recently. All of her comments seem to occur when she's consumed alot of vokda. Unfortunately this is noramlly on occasions when there's alot of people about.

(I have never seen the program you're talking about so sorry if I;m on hte wrong track)

Classic from my MIL on inspecting our newly decorated living room. She immediately noticed that I hadn't yet taken up the new curtains which were pooled artfully on the floor, sniffed, and said 'Well, Chickens just isn't that in to the house, is she?'.

video.google.co.uk/videosearch?sourceid=navclient&rlz=1T4GZEZ_enGB333GB334&q=everybody+loves+ raymond+episodes&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=vJ1VSWdCoL40wSmjfSYBg&sa=X&oi=videoresult_group&ct=title&resnum= 5&ved=0CCUQqwQwBA# here are some video clips look at the ones with MARIE the MIL]

Thanks guys

here i will try again

FIL, not MIL last night....

FIL - everyone in our family has birthdays in june.

Me - well, i dont, mine is in december

FIL - oh, i meant the PROPER family, you know, with the family surname

Me and DH (all raised eyebrows) - uuummm, i DO have the family surname!!!

FIL - all huffy, well! you know what i mean!

Me and DH - laughing. cos what else can you do! (only been 'part of the family' for 15 years, hardly counts does it!)

The phrase that my exMIL repeated allihn every single meal, year after year:

-I am a very modest person, and don't want to call attention to myself, but there is nobody in this city that cooks as well as I do.

• She also loved to point at people and mention how "common" they were while wearing a muticoloured rabbit skin coat. Or sitting in a fancy restaurant commenting on other people being not classy enough while she slurped the soup, and was totally unable to keep his mouth shut while munching her food.

• Oh, and she always started her vicious attack with the phrase "Magnolia, I love you very much, but .... followed but something very nasty.

But I think her area of specialism was racism so not politically correct for a school play. Although the typical response when somebody pointed her bigotry was: "It is not racism, it's the truth!"

Probably not appropriate but my MIL emailed me when dh and I first moved in together (we were at university, been together 2yrs at that point), lovely chatty email and then a PS Hope you and dh (then dp) are using condoms, you can get them free you know, don't want any accidents now do we? Let me know that you're taking precautions. Anyway, bye for now.

My Grandma's the best one for quotes. When I told her I'd got engaged to dh I asked if she was going to tell her friends at her social club and she said 'oh no, I told them you were engaged a long time ago, otherwise they'd think you live in sin'.

Also, my Grandma greets every bit of good news (marriage, pregnancy etc) with 'oh it's a shame I'll be dead by then'. Lovely. She's been saying it for about 15yrs.

On telling the inlaws I was pregnant (which they knew was by IVF) - "we assume it's not Mr woowa's..." (ie sperm donor). Gobsmacked. It is very much my DH's baby!

On eating a meal i cooked for her: "haven't you learnt to cook well under mr woowa's instruction." Um, i was cooking for my family from about the age of 11 and my mum taught me brilliantly, thanks.

I mentioned putting on weight during pregnancy: "you will lose weight." Pardon? either you know everything or are a control freak.

On discussing wedding dresses, pre marriage "oh that one wouldn't suit you at all, your thighs are too heavy." This was the first time we'd met.

At same visit, "would anyone like some more pudding?" me: yes please. "ooh, you won't get in your wedding dress." Mr woowa: "MUM!", woowa: runs off crying.

They are minor points, I know, but over the last 5 years they, and others, have REALLY built up into much fear from me at how she'll make me cry/fume next.

Loving ShowOfHands's grandma

I have an old aunt who planned her own funeral for years, choose her clothes, where she wanted the ashes to be taken, talked to the priest about the service, paid all associated expeenses as she didn't want to be a burden (her words) and we all were given certain responsibilities on what to do in the occassion from reading something to carrying the ashes. 30 years on (yes 30!) she is still with us, however, she has stopped talking about funerals since about 5 years ago.

Her 'I have been meaning to have a little chat with you, now don't take this the wrong way.'

Me: 'Yeeeeessss'

Her: 'You have had a terrible shock with your Dad dying'.

Me: 'Yes'

Her: 'You know shock can cause cancer, its a medical fact'.

Me: 'Really'

Her: 'Yes so make sure you get checked out regularly'.

MIL, my health anxiety caused by the horrible deaths of both my parents means I am already paranoid about illness but thanks for the heads up!

My MIL rang me last Christmas and said

"I was thinking of buying you a new throw to go in the lounge for Christmas" to which I replied "We don't need any, as we've got the fluffy ones that came with the sofa's" to which MIL said " Yes I know you have but I hate them and thought I would buy you some nicer ones"

Lovely !

Mine is lovely really but she has

• given me a 'present' of a pack of those pledge fluffy duster things

• referred to my decision to take three years off work when kids were small as 'just idleness'

• expressed concern that I don't iron underpants or socks

'Bread is horribly fattening you know. Oh well, you're clearly built for comfort and not for speed anyway.'

(Disclaimer - I actually get on very well with my MIL, and I find remarks like this quite funny)

ha, my MIL is actually lovely and the opposite of controlling but she had a 'thing' when my son was born and we showed no sign of getting him Baptised (she is a practising Catholic) and hinted a few times about when it would happen and would add 'they really come on better once they have been baptised) - bless her cotton socks!

My FIL - on our first meeting "It's a poor topsoil needs dressing" (apparently this means good looking women don't need make-up)

MIL - (opens front door to welcome us in, we are going out later to a posh do) ASTONISHED FACE "Why you look...... quite nice!"

MIL - "Now you have had that extension it's a big house"
DH - "Yes it's a beautiful house"
MIL - "I said 'big' not 'beautiful' "

I could go on for hours on this tack, you know, my MIL is full of them.....

My mum said she thought I should ask my 1st cousin's small stepdaughter to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. I said that I was definitely not going to as I'd never even seen her, nor had I spoken to that cousin for about 15 years (no row, just not close!). By coincidence I was in the UK (I lived in Asia at the time) a couple of months before the wedding for a different family occasion and chatted to my aunt, who I also had not seen for ages. She started talking about what dress they were planning for this little girl to be my bridesmaid

My mum had asked her anyway on my behalf, and then not even dared/bothered to tell me about it . How she thought the practical arrangements were going to come together, heaven knows. It's not like I was never going to find out! When I confronted her repeatedly about it she just did a cat's bum face and left the room each time .

'Oh dear. I hoped you were having a boy.'
'You know your mum's chemotherapy will stop working after a while'
'You know your mum will lose her hair'
When I am standing talking she will try to push my back in to improve my posture.
She is deaf as a post and when I was having a hard time ttc said to me once 'oh no, your are not barren and dried up'

pmsl at 'topsoil needs dressing'

On the plus side my dh reassured me once that I cannot possibly be ugly since she would have told me so it I was - along the lines of 'poor LardyMa, she is not pretty but she is a nice girl'. She is famously good at putting her foot in it. She told one of her friends that she needed a bit more support in the bra deapartment!