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Original poster

Please tell me your classic MIL or Mother quotes and situations

124 replies

RTKangaMummy · 19/01/2010 09:53

DS wants to write a short sketch about an interferring MIL who constantly interferes with the life of the DIL

Sort of like the programme

"EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND"

Please give as many examples as you can of the best quotes and situations

Thanks guys you are deffo brill

OP posts:
Cakesandale · 19/01/2010 14:08

Indeed, Romanarama. The man is a crazy loon.

LardyMa · 19/01/2010 14:10

After having a baby and whilst my mum was very ill she told me not to 'let myself go'. Like that was a priority. She also came and tickeld me as I bent over to put a tiny baby into a carseat and just after I had seen my mum for the last time. So a real character!

LardyMa · 19/01/2010 14:11

She insists on spoonfeeding my 6YO DD (the one that should have been a boy)

MaggieNilAonSneachta · 19/01/2010 14:16

My xmil (thank god x) used to tell me she was 8 stone when she was 35. I felt like saying well you're neither 8 stone NOR 35 now. At least I can claim one of the two.

My xmil was too stupid to argue with though. You could use sound logic and reason to contradict her bollix but because she wasn't listening and was really thick, she'd say, exactly that proves my point.

thank god she's out of my life!

slummymummy36 · 19/01/2010 14:19

As I was chopping carrots (into batons) for a Sunday Rost once my MIL came into the kicthen and assumed her usual arms folded and staring over me position and said

"Fil cannot eat carrots cut into Batons. He can only eat them if they are cut into circles"

Mil has never really grasped how answerphones work. We came one day to a message that went

"hello? hello? Son are you there?" huff and puff and then " that stupid southern stuck up cow is not answering the phone again" pause "I have a good mind to tell that stuck up bitch ....." she put the phone down in mid flow!!

That telephone message as great entertainment to all visitors to our house for months!!

My I get the impression she is not that keen on me!

Cakesandale · 19/01/2010 14:20

Just thought of another.

MIL wasn't speaking to me at our wedding because I had refused to invite about three dozen Irish relatives who i had never met to the wedding. The only thing she said to me all day was "Well, you've got what you wanted now, haven't you?"

Probably not what you were looking for, but I needed to share!! Sorry I have just had a bit of a bad Christmas with her, but I'll try to restrict myself to the OP's question from now on.

Cakesandale · 19/01/2010 14:22

Blimey slummy, jsut read your post. She sounds worse than mine!

evanshayleyleanne · 19/01/2010 14:24

Oh god if i start will i be able to stop? Having asked her to feed cat whilst dh and i were on honeymoon, i came back to all of the curtains in the house having been changed. I asked where my curtains were and she had thrown them out ' the ones i put up are nicer though, and they're more expensive'. Again when feeding the cat as we went away for a final couple only holiday at 30 weeks pregnant, she threw away all of my bath towels 'they looked old honey, i couldn't possibly let you have the midwives judge you' (i had a hb- those old towels would have come in handy) oh and not appropriate for a school play, but having gone through my private bedroom drawers, she had 'organised' my sex toy drawer and, unable to make a decision as to where to put cherry dick lick, it ended up in the condiments cupboard with the ketchup!
Hardly inconspicuous.;)

pagwatch · 19/01/2010 14:27

My MIL
" i am so sorry you find us in this state, I haven't even decanted the mayonaise"

"sorry Pagwatch, I know you would rather have something a little simpler"

Following us confirming we were getting married " are you pregnant?" I know - and oldie but a goodie.

And the night DS1 was born. DH just bursting with joy -to MIL and FIL

" I am so glad you are here, you can see how happy we are and understand why I love Pag and am so happy"

MIL " er.... actually no, not really."

Cakesandale · 19/01/2010 14:28

I admit defeat. evanshayley wins. I am rolling with laughter now....

treedelivery · 19/01/2010 14:29

On announcement of dd2 being a dd -

Oh thats wonderful news. dear I did so want a Grandson, but it's ok there was nothing you could have done.

On observation that dh was very good with dd1 at 6 weeks old, when bfing and generally doddering sleep deprived wreck -

Yes, maybe you haven't got the touch.

Disclaimer : PIL help us out no end, and are generous with their time. SO actually we are deeply grateful to them. Standard issue passive aggresive though.

Hunibee · 19/01/2010 14:31

MIL recently to our DCs (in car with me driving):

"I always told your Dad that it was a mistake to get married but he didn't listen."

... after 26 years, its funny, but also so sad.

treedelivery · 19/01/2010 14:34

Good grief Hunibee!!

bluebump · 19/01/2010 14:35

On being told by DP that we were expecting DS1 "But you aren't married"

Cakesandale · 19/01/2010 14:37

Pag, hunnibee and tree delivery - my jaw has just dropped to the floor. maybe mine is a lightweight after all!

BitOfFun · 19/01/2010 14:40

pmsl at the cherry dick lickamong the condiments

PoppityPing · 19/01/2010 14:41

psml at cherry dick lick in the condiments cupboard

PoppityPing · 19/01/2010 14:41

snap BoF

BitOfFun · 19/01/2010 14:42
Grin
Pikelit · 19/01/2010 14:49

This was actually my grandmother but my MIL could so easily have said it:

On boasting about introducing the three month old ds2 to a friend:

"Yes he is a boy. He wasn't supposed to be".

MrsJeff · 19/01/2010 15:00

Me: 34 weeks pregnant and starting to get a bit big and unweildy! PIL both at ours sitting around waiting for tea to be delivered to them (as usual). MIL appears in the kitchen while I'm getting a tea tray ready - tea pot, milk, plates, cake, knives, mugs - everything - MIL "Oooo let me give you a hand" and promptly carries 4 mugs through to the lounge for me (i.e. leaving all the heavy stuff). Ah well, better than nothing I guess...

mistlethrush · 19/01/2010 15:05

My MiL is lovely, so can't compete with some of the bitchy remarks.... However, she does like tidying things up and putting things away. All very well, except that, if she finds a box, she has to put something in it - even if it doesn't belong in that box - often as not, the thing that should have been in it then goes somewhere else....

Oh - and digging her way through ds's cupboard to the bottom to find a vest, which was then covered by a T shirt, a Shirt and a jumper, despite Ds's protests that he normally just wears a Tshirt (was out in the snow in one - I had to carry his jumper AND his coat....)

On being told that a packet of crisps is not appropriate for a 'snack' for ds due to the amount of salt in them - firstly "He's not having anything else that's salty" (what about the bread you fed him at breakfast, the sandwiches he's just eaten, supper etc etc ) then "Well I don't eat biscuits" although, when presented with a handful of crunchy bars to avoid the need for crisps as a snack - "Oh, I have some of those at my house".

mumwhereareyou · 19/01/2010 15:10

MIL has frequently told me "i am an accessory like a handbag and can be changed if DH wants to". We have been together 18yrs and married for 16yrs.

It's something to do with me being english and Dh being scottish and she wanted him to marry girl from the village and stay there.

Also we have 3 Dc which are adopted and she says they aren't "real grandchildren" like her others WTF, suffice to say we don't see them or ring that often.

bethylou · 19/01/2010 15:14

I would like to start this (in case I get spotted..) by saying my MIL is currently fantastic. However:

  1. She washed my oven gloves when I went out for the evening and she was babysitting.
  2. She told my DH that my migraines were for 'attention' - this was before SIL developed them and now hers are world-ending.
  3. I am apparently horrible as I once turned down a piece of cake (having been told to eat before we went round).
  4. She rearranges my ornaments every time I go out - why??!
  5. She sent her DD round the wedding venues we had looked at to see if they were appropriate (and then said we couldn't book one of them because the chairs weren't stylish enough) We were paying for the wedding ourselves...
That'll do...
mistlethrush · 19/01/2010 15:32

Oh yes, I knew there was something else ....

I'm going to invite Great Aunt x to the wedding, I know you (dh) haven't seen her since you were 5, but she is a Great Aunt, and she probably won't come but might send you a present..."... "You know I sent Great Aunt x an invitation, I got a response, she can't come but her daughter than none of us have ever met could come in her place" (at a wedding that we were paying for sustantial amounts, and places were limited by budget and accommodation)... And... "you know that wedding cake that your mother sent me to send out pieces to people that couldn't come - can she send me some more please, I've eaten it all"