Please tell me your classic MIL or Mother quotes and situations

[RTKangaMummy]

DS wants to write a short sketch about an interferring MIL who constantly interferes with the life of the DIL

Sort of like the programme

"EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND"

Please give as many examples as you can of the best quotes and situations

Thanks guys you are deffo brill

sorry to bring the thread down.

if it helps new M(not quite in)L is lovely

Haven't read all this so it might have been raised but as a MIL I do wonder why the OP is encouraging her son to stereotype MILs in this way. "Interfering MIL" oh god it has been the stuff of awful comedians through the ages .... Surely there are a thousand other topics for kids to write sketches about.

If either DH or I don't understand what MIL has said and ask her "What do you mean" she replies "Well just what I say".

Well clearly we don't understand what you are saying woman! It annoys the hell out of me.

I have told this one before, and I don't know how suitable it is for a school project...

DH was married before. For his first wedding, MIL gave his wife a beautiful set of silk lingerie. A load of it. Practically a suitcase full of expensive underwear.

DH and his first wife divorced after a few years.

Some years passed and then he met me.

When we were arranging our wedding, MIL wrote to first wife and asked for all the underwear back - so that she could give it to me for my wedding present.

I am very grateful to first wife for the fact that she completely ignored the request! Can you imagine DH's face if I had appeared on our wedding night in his first wife's underwear!!

Mum not MiL, but I was trying on a new pair of jeans one time and she said:

"They're quite big in the bottom. Mind you, you fill them!"

I am a size 8!

Mamazon, that's awful. Glad you are much happier now.

Last time my MIL (who is quite lovely, but mental) came to visit she picked up DS(20m) after I'd given him a couple of biscuits and said, "Oh no, naughty mummy filling you up with biscuits. You want to tell her you'll get horribly fat if she keeps doing that."

10 minutes later DS comes back for more biscuits (cue grabby hands, 'Bissbiss! Bissbiss!') and I say no more. MIL grabs DS and says, "Oh no, mean mummy! Won't even let you have a biscuit! You're wasting away! You want to tell her your wasting away!"

Also, last week my Mum came to stay with us for a while while she's in between flats. Yesterday she came downstair when I'd just finished cleaning the kitchen and was making myself a cup of tea. She looks around, looks at me and says 'Oh, don't worry about doing the kitchen; I'm off work this afternoon I'll do it properly for you."

Thank you soooooooo much everybody for your funny and sad stories ~ you are all deffo brill

He has written the 1st draft and when it is finished I will copy it onto here

nananina It is his idea as we all love Everybody Loves Raymond ~ I know it has been done lots of times before

He has always written serious plays before and so wanted to try a comedy.

It has to be a script for 2 people so he has got a DIL and MIL and the DIL writes on a blog ~ so the audience can hear the DIL pov

.

My own dear mother:

Her: I'm going Christmas shopping. What size are you these days?

Me: (tell her)

Her: Good God. Really? I thought you were on a diet.

Background - mil and I of different faiths - dh and I agreed not to do anything about religion for our lo so....

sitting in my kitchen - mil sees a big moth 'it's a soul in purgatory' (is that the right word - ie where someone goes upon death if they are not baptised) - clear hint that she wants to get my 4 week old baptised.

I have a newspaper in my hand and promptly swat the moth and say 'not in purgatory any more love'. She storms off.

This is the general nature of our relationship.

mamazon, i know the thread is funny, but i have similar stories. my xmil saw the bruises on my cheek and told me that make up would cover them and to stop talking about it now. And now she denies that her son ever laid a finger on me. She has airbrushed it out.

but hey ho. it's no less annoying at this stage than her telling me she was 8 stone when she was 35, and tht's the truth.

she is a beatch. but. shrug.

Libra, that is sketch show comedy genius! (I'm sorry it's actually your life, but you've got to be able to dine out on that )

why couldnt my son marry a nice english girl.

Not my mil as i dont have one, but one said by a mil to a dil.

My MIL one christmas managed to mention every 15 mins without fail for 2 weeks:

Me: oh it's snowing again
MIL: You know not everyone can have children, some people just have to learn to live with it.

Me: Would you like a cup of tea?
MIL: People that can't have children usually have lots of holidays you know.

Me: Pass the salt please.
MIL: As long as people love each other they can get through anything even infertility. So how much is IVF?

Me:

I was 26 and only married 6 months and perfectly fertile!

I am very skinny. My mil is kind and lovely and buys me presents. Often clothes. Always size 14. I am quite obviously not a 14. Actually I'm an 8. Why does she do this?

Romanarama - I have no idea, but my MIL (who has always been at least a size 18) started asking to borrow my clothes after I lost a few pounds (I had only ever been a 12, and went down to a 10)

Oh and one more from mil - last time I went to stay with her we had some nice wine - she knocked her glass on the table and it went all over it - AND SHE BENT DOWN TO LICK THE WINE OFF THE TABLE AS SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A SHAME TO WASTE IT. I was rolling on the floor.

Lots and lots from my mum come to mind, but one of the best was "I'm sure you can get that outfit taken in, you know, when you lose the weight...". Said two minutes before we left for my four month old PFB's christening. That put me in my place.

I'm absolutely loving this thread it's just so funny and has had me and DH in stitches. Please keep them coming, it's pure entertainment!!

Haven't got anything to add as we don't have any funny stories to do with MIL just nasty ones unfortunately.

love this thread!!!

my mom, not my MIL

christmas day, me with bronchitis but still going out for big lunch........

as i come down the stairs in my gladrags

mom - oh goodness, you really are getting too old to go out without makeup on arent you darling

me - die you hag!!! DIE!!!!!!

just kidding, i never said that, but i was thinking it!

to add insult to injury i WAS wearing makeup

Probably not appropriate for a school play but...

One Christmas day soon after I was introduced to ILs, long before we were married. ILs, knowing I was a teacher, dug out DH's old school reports and we were having a laugh going through them. DH is notoriously non-sporty.

Me: (reading from report card) DH must improve his ball skills.

MIL (with a drunken saucy wink) I bet they've improved now

SIL (no children) invited us round for Christmas dinner in her new house. DS (18mths and a mightmare to get to sleep) had just fallen asleep in the car and we thought yes we'll let him sleep on her bed while we have a nice relaxed dinner. When we asked if we could lie him on her bed she looked shocked and said 'sorry but the cat is sleeping on it!). Had to wake up a grumpy child - had a swell time!

MIL#1: "I can give him everything you can, except sex"

MIL#2(on hearing of our separation): "I always thought you were too emotional"

FIL: "Why did you decide to get married? Was it your last chance?"

MIL#1: "You're so lovely, Grace. I admire the way you enjoy yourself and don't bother with housework"

MIL#2: "You have got a healthy appetite, haven't you?"

Mum: "Oh! You can run!"

Mum: "No cake for you, you're too fat."

MIL#2: "Children are like dogs, really, aren't they"

MIL#1: "The people round here don't understand that I'm more high class than them."