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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HELP! I have just found my husband

149 replies

DonttellBounty · 13/01/2010 21:24

having sex with our car.

Please, I know this will seem terribly funny but I am so confused and upset and just devastated. I really do not have a clue what to do. As you can see from my name I normally post on Bounty although I do lurk here sometimes. I simply cannot tell my friends at Bounty about this, I am rather well known and to be honest I need practical advice rather than offers of cyber hugs. Although I could do with some right now.

We have been married 8 years. we have two children and our friends think of us as the perfect couple, I think of us as the perfect couple. we rarely argue, he has a very good job so we don't have any real money worries as we live well but within our means.

4 months ago DH came home with a new car. He said it was an impulse buy. he had been drooling over it in the showroom on his way home from work for weeks and then that day he just decided to buy it.
It isn't a sports car, its just an old VW beetle.
I thought he had gone mad but he seemed so pleased with it that i just went with it.

ever since he bought it he has come straight home from work and gone straight to the garage to "work" on the car. he knows nothing of mechanics and all I ever saw him do was polish it. He even named her "betsy"

anyway, tonight he goes to the garage as usual. the phone rings for him so I take it to him. I swing the garage door open to see him stood with his trousers down, erect penis rubbing himself against the bonnet as if he were having sex with the car!

I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom.
he called after me but I couldn't speak to him. he keeps saying that its not what I think. I have asked him to leave for the night as I simply cannot look at him.

Please. someone tell me that this is ok.
Having an affair is bad enough but with a car?? how on earth can i get my head around this.

OP posts:
mamazon · 13/01/2010 23:11

Im going to have to show him this thread now aren't i?

or better still...NOT then next time we all get together we can make dodgy car references and he'll have no idea. so childish yet so funny

Ronaldinhio · 13/01/2010 23:11

have you considered it might be something from his childhood.....
perhaps he was really into the Herbie movies

new one

Herbie gets bananas?

DreamsInBinary · 13/01/2010 23:13

I hold you entirely responsible for google history declaring my sudden interest in 'sex with inanimate objects'.

Damn you.

GreenMonkies · 13/01/2010 23:29

I just mentioned this thread to DP (he wanted to know what I was laughing at) and he showed me this.

Sorry.

GreenMonkies · 13/01/2010 23:32

Oh My God

BitOfFun · 13/01/2010 23:35

GreenMonkies- he has clearly been round the block a few times then

GreenMonkies · 13/01/2010 23:43

(apparently that first link is the picture that Jeremy Clarkson shows the studio audience when he says "I went on the internet and found this" and the camera pans away so the tv audience can't see. it's beyond grim)

mamazon · 13/01/2010 23:46

OH my good god that first one is frikkin awful!

that poor car having to shag that limp dicked weirdo

Poohbearsmom · 13/01/2010 23:47

Rofl lads best laugh iv had n ages

mamazon · 13/01/2010 23:53
Grin
Anniegetyourgun · 14/01/2010 00:21

I think it was unfair and unsisterly of you to call Betsy an old banger, though.

drloves8 · 14/01/2010 00:43

op you need to fight dirty ,
get yourself to halfords and purchase a couple of magic trees and a tax disc holder.
get naked wearing only the magic trees and tax disc (placed strategically) and intice him away from that old boot !

SolidGoldBloodyJanuaryUrgh · 14/01/2010 01:02

The bloke who couldn't stop himself having 'sex' with cars used to stuff his old chap up the exhaust pipe, or so i heard.

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/01/2010 01:04

OHHH this is almost as funny as the kitchen utensil fetish thread...anyone remember that one. I have never laughed so hard since!

gagamama · 14/01/2010 12:31

I had a relationship with a car once, it was exhausting, I was tyred all the time and whenever I turned him on he would be fuming. We had to brake it off in the end, I just wasn't geared up for it.

gagamama · 14/01/2010 12:34

I should've realised it wasn't going to work though, there were indicators from the start.

Blu · 14/01/2010 12:37

I think the poor man may have misunderstood page 14, para 2.3 in the instruction manual: "your car will need regular servicing".

Blu · 14/01/2010 12:40

Gagamama - did quality lubrication not solve the problems?

Goober · 14/01/2010 12:45

I would fuck my car too if I had a garage. Might get some strange looks from the neighbours if I did it on the driveway.

Jacaqueen · 14/01/2010 12:47

There was a programme on tv last year about people who have relationships with inanimate objects. Very sad actually. I seem to recall one woman got married to the Eiffel Tower.

Sidge · 14/01/2010 13:00

If I had this car I think I'd make love to it

Not a VW Beetle though!

(Good one Mamazon )

Malificence · 14/01/2010 13:13

Mine has a shameful addiction too, there must be 100 copies of "Classic car" under the bed.
How is a girl supposed to compete with a 1966 Austin Healey with an open bonnet?

He likes the more mature models with a whiff of leather about them. Even his facebook picture is him sat in an Aston martin, stroking the steering wheel, I'm nowhere in sight.

We even have an engine hoist in our garage!
Car bondage, who'd have thunk it?

Malificence · 14/01/2010 13:16

Must not click on links
God what an image, in a little silky cami top too! Is the Range rover wearing the matching knickers? Blleaurggggh. I'm now wiping crisp vomit from my laptop!

LeQueen · 15/01/2010 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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