HELP! I have just found my husband

[DonttellBounty]

having sex with our car.

Please, I know this will seem terribly funny but I am so confused and upset and just devastated. I really do not have a clue what to do. As you can see from my name I normally post on Bounty although I do lurk here sometimes. I simply cannot tell my friends at Bounty about this, I am rather well known and to be honest I need practical advice rather than offers of cyber hugs. Although I could do with some right now.

We have been married 8 years. we have two children and our friends think of us as the perfect couple, I think of us as the perfect couple. we rarely argue, he has a very good job so we don't have any real money worries as we live well but within our means.

4 months ago DH came home with a new car. He said it was an impulse buy. he had been drooling over it in the showroom on his way home from work for weeks and then that day he just decided to buy it.
It isn't a sports car, its just an old VW beetle.
I thought he had gone mad but he seemed so pleased with it that i just went with it.

ever since he bought it he has come straight home from work and gone straight to the garage to "work" on the car. he knows nothing of mechanics and all I ever saw him do was polish it. He even named her "betsy"

anyway, tonight he goes to the garage as usual. the phone rings for him so I take it to him. I swing the garage door open to see him stood with his trousers down, erect penis rubbing himself against the bonnet as if he were having sex with the car!

I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom.
he called after me but I couldn't speak to him. he keeps saying that its not what I think. I have asked him to leave for the night as I simply cannot look at him.

Please. someone tell me that this is ok.
Having an affair is bad enough but with a car?? how on earth can i get my head around this.

bonkerz at least you had the grace to say it was a bit ick - I just went for it

You'd think, though, that in this weather he'd end up stuck to the car. Like putting your tongue on an ice cube. Ouch!

oh gosh you all reply so quickly! Sorry if I find it difficult to keep up.

too cold - he actually bought a two bar heater thing from Tesco last weekend because he said the garage was so cold now. stupid woman that I am didn't even question it.

No I don't watch nip & tuck but really? furniture? is it based on reality then?

Please ladies, I do understand that it is a rather snigger inducing subject but this really has upset me greatly.
I don't even like the idea of him masturbating as to me it feels as though he would rather not BD with me.
I know I have self esteem issues but I do try very hard to give him his space.

do you really think that this is better than him lusting after a real woman?

Now for some reason I'm sure I have heard that this sexual-relationship-with-car business is a real condition and this poor OP may be genuine. So I was about to google it but just in time remembered - that's really not something I want to ever have googled.

So will just have to stick with a instead

Mine prefers to lick his I-phone.

Yes they missed a trick not giving the iphone a suitable orifice, such are the all-consuming relationships certain men develop with them

justkeepssoddingsnowing dear lord that link is awful! he has never shown this much interest in our Galaxy.

zoonose I know you are right. what your advising is very grown up and reasonable but im not sure I will be able to keep it up.
I mean where will it end? what if it isn't just "betsy" what if he wants me to somehow join in? or worse yet, what if he no longer wants me at all and just replaces me with this tonne of metal

Are you who I think you are, Donttell?

If you're really lucky he might buy you a sports car... I can list a few that I'd find more exciting than sex!

I do think it's better than him lusting after a real woman. I didn't like the idea that my husband might masturbate for a long time. I don't know if he does or not; I think probably he does. I used to feel very jealous about that idea, but I read somewhere in a book about bringing up boys that all men masturbate as teenagers, during marriage and in old age and it is just about feeling good - and I know it's just a book - but I am pretty sure that most men masturbate sometimes (as maybe do most women?) and it's just not a big deal, it just feels good, and it isn't about a lack in your sex life. I guess a big sexual interest in something else (as here) might indicate something that's not being satisfied ... but these issues are very complex. I don't know where I'd start - but if I wanted the marriage to work and maybe when I'd had a bit of time to take it in and take a few deep breaths - I'd try and put all my own preconceptions to one side and listen to what he has to say if he wants to talk about it, try and get inside his head if you feel you need to understand it.

Geordieminx I finally realised what you meant by the exhaust comment. It is quite low to the floor so I would imagine rather difficult to manage such a manoeuvre. if you see what I mean.

Malificence the Iphone? and your ok with that?

Moi aussi, Belledame

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. I have known grown men to stick their knob into opened jars of jellied eels.

What would you prefer? Him getting one off in the Garage or cluttering up your kitchen frantically wrestling with a stiff lid?

"frantically wrestling with a stiff lid"

The real problem here is when you have to call in the RAC. That could be a tad embarrassing

Maybe Betsy's a better ride than you..

Be warned this may just be the first step in a horrible addiction.

I would be seriously concerned if he came home with a convertable. Before you know it he with have the cars top down, his off and it will be full blown topless wanking!

I've had my fill (snort) of weird sex problems on the Paranoid thread. This is a bit tame in comparison...

Let's hope he doesn't go public - you'll never be able to park in the multi-storey again.

I don't know who it is you think I am Tigerdrivesagain

zoonose I do try very hard to understand the masturbation thing. but how on earth can I compete with a car?

madamedamesansmerci Well indeed. I think it maybe be easier to understand if it were a Ferrari or something.

Well, what man can resist a big end ?

I think you need to address your issues with masturbation.

I am unsure of what bothers you more. The masturbation - or the fact it is with a car. Is it the type of car you dislike? Or that he does it in the garage?

You say you are happy - and your friends view you as a contented couple.

But are you happy?

Really?

In that case I assume I am conversing with a hairy handed biker. EEEwww. As they say

You could get a copy of Volksworld and look at it together. You might be surprised and find it's something you can share.

Best get yourself off down to the clinic incase he has passed something like Carmydia onto you!