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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HELP! I have just found my husband

149 replies

DonttellBounty · 13/01/2010 21:24

having sex with our car.

Please, I know this will seem terribly funny but I am so confused and upset and just devastated. I really do not have a clue what to do. As you can see from my name I normally post on Bounty although I do lurk here sometimes. I simply cannot tell my friends at Bounty about this, I am rather well known and to be honest I need practical advice rather than offers of cyber hugs. Although I could do with some right now.

We have been married 8 years. we have two children and our friends think of us as the perfect couple, I think of us as the perfect couple. we rarely argue, he has a very good job so we don't have any real money worries as we live well but within our means.

4 months ago DH came home with a new car. He said it was an impulse buy. he had been drooling over it in the showroom on his way home from work for weeks and then that day he just decided to buy it.
It isn't a sports car, its just an old VW beetle.
I thought he had gone mad but he seemed so pleased with it that i just went with it.

ever since he bought it he has come straight home from work and gone straight to the garage to "work" on the car. he knows nothing of mechanics and all I ever saw him do was polish it. He even named her "betsy"

anyway, tonight he goes to the garage as usual. the phone rings for him so I take it to him. I swing the garage door open to see him stood with his trousers down, erect penis rubbing himself against the bonnet as if he were having sex with the car!

I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom.
he called after me but I couldn't speak to him. he keeps saying that its not what I think. I have asked him to leave for the night as I simply cannot look at him.

Please. someone tell me that this is ok.
Having an affair is bad enough but with a car?? how on earth can i get my head around this.

OP posts:
DonttellBounty · 13/01/2010 21:58

I really did think we were happy.
Our sex life certainly wasn't as neglected as many couples I know. I would say we average twice a week or so. That's not terrible is it?

It is definitely the fact that I am being substituted for a car that is hurting me.
that and the fact that it is such an odd, bizarre fetish. Im not sure how I would react to any sort of fetish but at least if it was something like S&M I would know where to go for advice and support.
This is just not something you discuss with your friends at playdates!

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 13/01/2010 21:58

Oh fgs.

I think my time with MN may be done.

You're all so bloody judgemental. Nobody's allowed to bfeed their dog anymore. Blokes can't wipe their erect cocks over their own bought and paid for vehicles.

You're so uptight. MN has changed.

MitsubishiWarrioress · 13/01/2010 21:58

Well, I am sorry Don'tTell, I just can't repeat in public the enormous pleasure I get from certain house hold appliances.

I think as his partner you should support him and try to be a part of his relationship with his car..maybe a sort of threesome?

You could offer to gently stroke Betsy whilst he is pleasuring himself with her...and if he wants to go 'dogging', you could offer to be his 'fluffer' so he gets the best from his experience with Betsy.

Try to be more open minded, after all you might even find you enjoy it.

TigerDrivesAgain · 13/01/2010 21:58

Volksworld - sounds scarily one step away from Mein Kampf

displayuntilbestbefore · 13/01/2010 21:59

rofl ShowOfHands

TigerDrivesAgain · 13/01/2010 22:01

Errr, what's a fluffer?

poshwellies · 13/01/2010 22:01

Volksworld=porn for VW owners .My dh has a stash under the bed,should I begin to worry?

cheesesarnie · 13/01/2010 22:02

what colour/type/year is it?

its important.

MarineIguana · 13/01/2010 22:02

We need SGB on this thread, to put OP's mind at rest with her open-minded stance on sexual needs.

tippytap · 13/01/2010 22:03

At least the car is called Betsy and not.......Bernard!

Lol.

DonttellBounty · 13/01/2010 22:03

Thank you showofhands It is precisely why i didn't want to post on Bounty. I thought Mumsnet was a far more open minded forum so I would get a more reasoned and useful response.

Do you think if I offered to sleep with him in the car that would help?
I just keep thinking that in his mind that would be a threesome and that just feels icky to me.

OP posts:
TigerDrivesAgain · 13/01/2010 22:04

I bet Volksworld is all about split screens and two stroke engines

tippytap · 13/01/2010 22:04

Threesome..........ROFL...........

Best laugh I've had in a long time

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 13/01/2010 22:04

Well, on the positive side, he wont have to spend any money on polish, when he produces his own.

hf128219 · 13/01/2010 22:05

A 'Fluffer' gets the knobs ready for action on porno shoots.

It's a good job.

ChloeHandbag · 13/01/2010 22:05

was he taking legal drugs at the same time?

paisleyleaf · 13/01/2010 22:06

Looking at the whole 'swap-meet' thing differently now - I didn't realize they were swinging.

TigerDrivesAgain · 13/01/2010 22:06

Knobs, as in, er as DS would say dinkies? Could be quite interesting. But in this case, it would involve decoking and double declutching. Not so pervy glam.

TrillianAstra · 13/01/2010 22:07

Maybe you could get a nice little smart car (you know, something more modern) and make a foursome.

DonttellBounty · 13/01/2010 22:08

cheesesarnie It is a grey Beetle. I think it's from 1972. Does stuff like that really make a difference? Its not in great condition. I mean it hasn't been fixed up or anything, its just a normal old banger of a car really. the sort you would expect your art teacher to drive or something

OP posts:
hf128219 · 13/01/2010 22:10

Knob, cock, penis whatever!

Do you think he may move on to other vehicles? For all you know he used to make love to your pevious car and has progressed on to the Camper Van.

Maybe he now has his heart set on the chopper from Airwolf.

ShowOfHands · 13/01/2010 22:11

If you're going to go down the threesome route then I think you need to be clear about what that might entail. Because if you're not completely open-minded about it, you might find yourself in competition with the third party. Is that something you can handle? Are you likely to find yourself doing things you wouldn't ordinarily countenance in order to compare to the beetle? Imagine yourself on your hands and knees making brum brum noises. Is that something you can do? Can you handle the comparisons? A Beetle just needs a little flick of the wrist to get it up and running. Are you more high maintenance than this? How many miles do you do to the gallon? Do you have favourable staying power?

In short, is this a battle you can win?

MitsubishiWarrioress · 13/01/2010 22:11

Fluffer

cheesesarnie · 13/01/2010 22:12

we have a morris 1000.dh says the old cars go better.

GreenMonkies · 13/01/2010 22:13

I think you need to get this outfit and then he won't need Betsy ever again.

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