He's left me

[Dreamon]

My husband has left me. He told me 4 days after I found out that I'm 6 weeks pregnant with our first child- which we had to get fertility treatment for. he left me on our holiday with my family- the day we arrived he said he didn't want the baby and wanted a divorce. He told me over the phone he wants a divorce and since then has refused to answer my calls. He has gone overseas now to clear his head. This is not like him. I thought our marriage was secure- obviously there are some issues but I never dreamed to this extent. I don't want a divorce. I still love him. I'm so scared. Help.

Hi, things are ok. It's really nice having her here. She's furious with him& really sad for me. For the first time in a long time I feel close to her which is awesome.

Hi, I'm having a tough evening. Miss him so much and so badly want him back. I'm scared and feel so alone. It hurts beyond belief. He keeps making it clear he won't try again, he says he doesn't think he can forgive himself for what he's done, that I won't forgive him or trust him again. He says he's not willing and has no faith in us. It's tearing me apart that he won't even try. What do I do? Please help.

Is he still with/seeing other woman? It's probably good that you're still communicating, but you really don't need to deal with his emotional baggage at the moment. Even if he does change his mind about trying again you need to be sure he's sorted his own head first.

Went through a similar thing with my now DH, but no kids/pg involved at the time. Think in his case it was a bit of premature mid-life crisis, but have to admit your 'ex' has a point about how hard it is to forgive and forget. We've been back together 9 years and married 7 with a gorgeous DD, but I still don't have the kind of 110% rock solid trust I had in him before it happened.

Hi dreamon

I have a long running thread here called our first relate appointment is tonight I'm scared

my husband left me pg with dc4, 37 weeks. That was 8 weeks ago. I have posted all sorts of my feelings on there - very similar to your one of tonight.

Pull on through, think of a heart beating on- it carries on and so will you. Read my thread maybe.

Surround yourself with good people, friends, family. Keep going - you CAN do it. Are you really worth so little that you all you deserve is this treament from him? NO.

is he giving you mixed signals dreamon? Is it over with this other woman then?

He's still with her as far as I'm aware. I guess he has been giving me mixed messages. He goes away in Monday for close on 3 months for work. I don't think she will be there but I don't know. We had therapy again today to discuss boundaries and once again he said he is not willing. I'm not ready to let go of this but there is no hope. I'm so scared to have a baby by myself. This isn't how it's meant to be.

I know you're scared to have a baby by yourself. Anyone would be and the whole thing is very hurtful for you. I don't think you can help wishing everything will be alright again before the baby is born.

I really don't know what to think but if he is always telling you the same thing that he cannot get back together, more importantly he is not willing to attempt it, it does look as if there is no future in this relationship. I am very sorry for you. You may have to make up your mind to be very strong for the sake of your baby and possibly to cut off contact to him for a good time so you are not always being messed about and having your wounds reopened and your hopes raised every time you two do have contact. I always think a 9 month pregnancy thankfully gives a bit of time to get things sorted, emotionally, financially and otherwise before the baby arrives and I feel with him and this situation, you have to put life on hold hoping it will all sort itself out.

Could you resolve yourself to use those 3 months where he is away to set up a new life that might work for you and the baby? If he comes into it, then ok, if not it must still be ok IYSWIM?

Do you think you could go on with the counselling alone whilst he is away for those 3 months? It might be a big help to you if you feel comfortable with the counsellor.

Hi ladies, so I'm 16 weeks 5 days today :-). Totally in love with my little 90% chance girl. It's been a really rough few months, ended up in hospital 3 times with severe bleeding from a subchorionic hematoma, which doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. Baby is doing well non the less but I'm constantly worried that it'll be ok. Husband is still AWOL and I've lost all tolerance for his behaviour now, he shows minimal interest and is still with this other woman. I'm angry but it's more this deep sadness for how he's treated us and the loss of all my dreams for us and our baby. I'm doing so much better but it's tough. Please keep my baby and I in your thoughts. Thanks so much for all the support. X

Hi Dreamon. I am new to Mumsnet tonight and was browsing the threads when I came across yours. When I was 4 1/2 months pg my oh left me for someone else. I was absolutely shattered. The pregnancy was his suggestion (although I was delighted and 100% up for it). I got through my pregnancy with the help and support of my family and some very good friends. My gorgeous DD is my world. I can totally relate to your feelings of deep sadness for you and your baby and the loss of your dreams. My OH completely shattered my dreams of pregnancy and I will not ever forgive him for that. You sound like you are doing very well indeed and you should be proud of yourself. I am sure you are cherishing your beautiful baby and cannot wait to meet her. You will do this and you will be fine. Hugs. x

Thanks for the update and I am glad you and your baby OK. Will be thinking of you and your little one.

very best wishes you sound so strong good for you.... its your life dont let anyone ruin it

gosh you sound so strong ! Well done for getting through it, he is the one missing out and he will realise that. But you are fine without him !

My x left me when my DS was 6mths old having behaved terribly whilst I was pregnant.

Its better on your own than having somebody 'half' there.

Make sure you don't let him come and register with you at your dc's birth otherwise you'll have to consult him on everything. He can apply for parental responsibilty at anytime after and its no problem but if you let him do that in his own time it will mean you don't have to ask his permission to take your ds out of the country on holiday etc.

Good luck and will be thinking of you